a bit of support?

hi ermm i find it difficult to express this in words but i was hoping for some help/support. i don't think i need professional help as it's not drastically affecting my life, but it's certainly making it unhappy. i haven't been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but i have had a previous bout of depression lasting 2 years in my early teens (i'm almost 17 now.) the reason i think i may be borderline is primarilly the sympton of a ocnstant worry that those hwo mean the most to you will abandon you this fear for me seems to be manifested in my girlfriend. i love her to bits, been with her for over 1 year but even now i get upset about the stupidest things. for example, if i send her a text message in the evening and she doesn't reply because she's busy with work or fallen asleep, i automatically assume "oh she hates me" and get really upset. it'sl ike i read into insignificant details and seem to blow them up into big internal issues and they get me really upset and paranoid and insecure. it's similar when we're both out with friends too. if she walks off to talk to some other people without telling me, i don't show it, but i feel abandoned and vulnerable and upset. obviously this isn't healthy, and it means i get upset a lot of the time im supposed to be out enjoying myself. also, i only really get to see her at weekends, and when i don't see her for 2+ weeks i get really paranoid, like she's gone off me or something and can't be bothered with me. i can keep saying to myself how ridiculous this sounds, but it doesnt stop the uneasy feelings i get. is there any practical advice you can offer me? or do i need to go back to the psychiatrists place? i also seem to be slightly OCD or obsessive or something with symmetry and straight lines/order, and can't stop myself having horrible thoughts which i cannot control at times. i havce some facial ticks/compulsions too like craning my neck or lbinking a lot. they generally go away if im preoccupied, it's worst when im tired or have nothing to do or know im being watched/feel uncomfortable. don't know if this is something to do with the grand scheme of things. please help.

philip

phillyk1 wrote:...i find it difficult to express this in words but i was hoping for some help/support. i don't think i need professional help as it's not drastically affecting my life, but it's certainly making it unhappy. i haven't been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but i have had a previous bout of depression lasting 2 years in my early teens (i'm almost 17 now.)

.....the reason i think i may be borderline is primarily the symptom of a constant worry that those who mean the most to me will abandon me.......

.....this fear for me seems to be manifested in my girlfriend.

....i get upset ....if i send her a text message in the evening and she doesn't reply because she's busy....

....i automatically assume "oh she hates me" ....

....i read into insignificant details and ...blow them up into big internal issues

....i get upset and paranoid and insecure.

....i only really get to see her on weekends.. when i don't see her for 2+ weeks i get really paranoid...& assume she's gone off somewhere & can't be bothered with me.

i can keep saying to myself how ridiculous this sounds, but it doesnt stop the uneasy feelings i get. is there any practical advice you can offer me? or do i need to go back to the psychiatrists place?

....i also seem to be slightly OCD or obsessive and can't stop myself having horrible thoughts which i cannot control at times.

... i havce some facial ticks/compulsions too like craning my neck or blinking a lot they...go away if im preoccupied, it's worst when i'm tired.

philip

Hi Philip:

I am not a Medical Doctor. But you can read my reaction to what you wrote and share what YOU wrote to a therapist.

1. You indicated; "I haven't been diagnosed with BPD."
And we are not here to diagnose you. We can help you identify any symptoms you indicate and reflect back to you if it "sounds like" BPD. You'd still need to confirm this with a licensed Psychologist/Psychiatrist.

2. You're almost 17. And you're starting to experiment with dating. That's great! And you will learn more about the "ups and downs" of how people respond to you AND how you respond to them.

3. The constant worry you have about whether or not your girlfriend likes you based on how you perceive she responds to you sounds more like OCD.

So when your gf doesn't respond back to you right away, your mind automatically goes towards the negative "she doesn't like me."

Q: When she doesn't respond right away, how do you know what she's thinking or feeling about you?

A: You don't. You have no idea what she's doing at that moment. You don't know if she's busy and her phone is in her purse. You don't know if she has other priorities that take immediate attention over you.

Q: Has she said or done anything to harm you?

Q: Have you both made an agreement that you're in a relationship?

My guess is that this situation is a dating relationship and that you hope she only dates you at the moment.

Is it possible that you may or she may want to eventually date other people?

If so, will that be so horrible that you won't be able to live with yourself?

In highschool the experience of dating is unlike a mature adult relationship that involves heavy commitments (like a marriage). Feel free to perform your everyday personal goals and hobbies.
Try not to think about where she is at every moment of the day (that's obsession).

Do you have any hobbies or recreational activities that keep you busy outside of school?

Do you have a part-time job?

Do you have your buddies that you can hang out with during your other free time?

Regarding your physical facial ticks, it sounds like that could be the result of stress. Do you feel stressed out or overwhelmed with anything?

It sounds like what you wrote could be shared with a therapist who can give you the undivided attention that you deserve.

And kudos for you for having found this place!

Give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage and insight in reaching out for support and advice.