GETTING OVER A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BPD GIRLFRIEND

i have been in a 8 year relationship with a girl that has bpd and obviously broken up a few times in that period i am really struggling to keep it all together !!! has any one been through this and come out the other side ( relatively intact ) i have been seperated from this relationship for the past month i cant go back but am feeling a lot of emotional pain and confussion

please let me know !!!!

PEB wrote:i have been in a 8 year relationship i have been seperated from this relationship for the past month i cant go back but am feeling a lot of emotional pain and confussion

please let me know !!!!

well thats normal reaction after 8 years with anybody, bpd or not.
no special advice here, pain and confusion will pass naturally as the time goes on......nothing u can do except keep your mind busy
you'll regenerate, dont worry

thanks heaps for the words of encoragement i appreciate it !!!
i guess i was after some tips on how to deal with the guilt of leaving someone you loved for a long time not because you hate them but because their behaviour due to their bpd is destroying your soul. from where i am right now the future seems so scary. i am trying to keep busy so i dont feel so bad all the time. i find it hard to talk to people about what im going through as not many people know much about bpd. i have ordered a book from amazon called boomerang love !!! has anyone read it ???? from what ive read on the amazon site in the readers reviews it seems to be a life saver for people like me trying to level out after a relationship with a bpd. my ex has tried to help her self by doing the dbt program a few years ago but once that ended she slowly slipped back into her bpd characteristics !!! i guess after i found out about her 3rd internet relationship with another guy i lost all trust and couldnt see how to build our life again on continual lies and deceit as i would be continually questioning her actions for the rest of our lives. i do miss her and its hard to see her because we have a 5 year old daughter i just feel so washed out !!!!

thanks for listening and any comment would be appreciated !!

didnt read the book, I think theres too much fuss about bdp anyway........

PEB wrote: my ex has tried to help her self by doing the dbt program a few years ago but once that ended she slowly slipped back into her bpd characteristics !!!

sounds familiar lol

peb wrote:i guess after i found out about her 3rd internet relationship with another guy i lost all trust and couldnt see how to build our life again on continual lies and deceit as i would be continually questioning her actions for the rest of our lives. i do miss her and its hard to see her because we have a 5 year old daughter i just feel so washed out !!!!

And now You feel guilty?

gday again

yeah seems strange to feel guilty !!! but i guess im dealing with the thought that ive given up on her when i know she needs help
i know that she needs to help herself and has tried but im scared that she will get better and i will wonder that if i did struggle on further we would be ok however she has decided to persue the guy on the internet further so i guess there is my answer it just hurts like hell thanks for listening !!!!!!

I totally understand your pain. I am in the same situation, after the DBT therapy my ex has convinced herself that I am the problem and is in denial of all the name calling, accusations of cheating, and threats to destroy my life. I love this person and want her to get the help she needs but not if it means denying her actions and amplifying my reactions to being emotionally abused as me being the problem. I know I did everything I could. Now that we have been apart for a couple months, I know my ex has already found her next person. Believe me, they don't wait long but we sit back and worry about them, feeling guilty, and wanting to rescue them. In the meantime, they are always looking for someone that they can control and who will give them what they want, healthy or not. I am seeing now that we are the ones most hurt by the loss. They can move on like nothing has ever happened and demonize us. I'm still struggling too but it helps to read that I am not alone and its empowering to know that it's not us, we just want to help. BPD people are very charismatic and passionate. We can't help but be drawn into them, they are special that way. But these are not healthy relationships unless they are truly honest with themselves and us. There is a selfish nature about my ex that tells me, it was NEVER about us but it was all about her. They are not our responsibility but we do owe ourselves a healthy relationship. I am not going to waste anymore time worrying about someone who has already emotionally abused me and now moved on. That's unacceptable for anyone and we need to move on too, they have.