new here & needing couples' advice

this is umm...not quite an introduction, i just thought i'd let you know i'm here. i was diagnosed with bipolar about 6 years ago and BPD a couple years back. i don't exactly think either is a misdiagnosis but BPD definitely explains my problems better.

i'm a 30 yo female and in a new-ish relationship with a 43 yo woman who just recently realized she might have schizoid personality disorder. or she is pretty textbook and thus pretty sure.

i'm interested in hearing if there are other couples who both have a personality disorder or, well, any psychiatric diagnosis. how do you cope? inspirational stories? (:P) anything?

hi there,

i'm new here too.
i've got BPD and once had a relationship with a guy that also has it + other diagnoses. we was together for a year and then it just didn't work out any longer. it's probably not very uplifting for you to hear (but all the same my experiences is not what everyone else'd tell you) but it was constant fights, manipulating, arguing, suicide atempts, hospital visits etc etc etc from both of us. but he really was worse than me. and stil i'm considered the "bad one". surely because i was the one trying to kill myself all the time and he's the one having to visit me at the hospital all the time.
of course we had our good moments also, it was not all bad. but it didn't work out couply-wise. so now we're just friends and get a long good.

then i had a relationship that just ended. this was with a guy with asperger syndrome. THAT did not work out at all. i'd say we'd be great friends but closer than that and it was *bang*. he has his own way of thinking, which i respect. but i just can't stand a guy that leaves without telling me when and where. who just shows up then and now. and is a "free spirit". i mean, a free spirit is nice but i've got huge trust issues so it doesn't make it easier with someone that comes and goes... and someone who doesn't even "believe" that BPD exists! or understands any of my problems at all.

but i think, having BPD and a relationship is hard even if you're with the strongest (mentaly) person on earth.

hello, libertine. thanks for your reply and welcome to the forums.

i'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences. may i ask how old you are? i don't know if i'm a particularly strong person or not but i find life to be getting easier year by year, with the help of therapy and medication, now that my psychiatrist and i have finally found a combination that works, efexor 225mg + abilify 10 mg, plus opamox when needed.

what a coincidence. i dated an aspie woman for about 7 years before my current relationship. now that was hard, she made me cry a lot and treated me really pretty badly at times. she came and went exactly as she pleased and never knew what she could or couldn't say or do without hurting me. and at times it seemed that she really didn't care that much. i tried my best to understand but in the end i realized we'll never have the things i want in life together, a home, children etc. plus i met my current, wonderful girlfriend. she has her issues too but she is WAY easier to be with, especially now that she is on medication too.

i am now friends with my ex and hoping things will stay that way. we did have our good moments and in a way i believe i will always love her, in a way. we just weren't meant to be.

sorry, i got a little carried away when i head that you dated an aspie too.

i wish the conversation would pick up, this forum seems so quiet...

I have slight asperger syndrome and my gf has bipolar. We seem to know what makes eachother tick though.

Hi FuFi

I am new here too, I am an undiagnosed Borderline and I really don't trust people at all, not even my best friend or my Family, except my Grandmother who I have lived with my whole life, well minus 2 years, so 19 years, I'm 21 now.

I have had a terrible relationship with a Bipolar man, a few years ago and wow I thought throughout the relationship he was in the wrong but looking back wow it was all me but I don't care really, I was in a lonely relationship with him anyway, I didn't care about him, he has come to my house and has tried to talk with me but I tell him to go away.

Every relationship I have been in there has always been something not quite right with them, going back to my first high school boyfriend, he was very sweet, clingy even but when someone said something to him, hurt him or upset him, he would freak out and get in fights or just yell and scream, I would always feel like running after him but I was 1. too scared and 2. advised not to.



I am in relationships like these because no normal guy would go for me because I believe they can tell that I am the way I am a mile away.

TigerRose wrote:Hi FuFi

I am new here too, I am an undiagnosed Borderline and I really don't trust people at all, not even my best friend or my Family, except my Grandmother who I have lived with my whole life, well minus 2 years, so 19 years, I'm 21 now.

I have had a terrible relationship with a Bipolar man, a few years ago and wow I thought throughout the relationship he was in the wrong but looking back wow it was all me but I don't care really, I was in a lonely relationship with him anyway, I didn't care about him, he has come to my house and has tried to talk with me but I tell him to go away.

Every relationship I have been in there has always been something not quite right with them, going back to my first high school boyfriend, he was very sweet, clingy even but when someone said something to him, hurt him or upset him, he would freak out and get in fights or just yell and scream, I would always feel like running after him but I was 1. too scared and 2. advised not to.



I am in relationships like these because no normal guy would go for me because I believe they can tell that I am the way I am a mile away.

Oh that's not true at all. I'm a relatively normal guy and I didn't see that my ex-girlfriend was HPD/BPD. Even when $#%^ was HORRIBLE between and she was doing some really ###$ up $#%^ in the relationship, I was patient and understanding. However, after almost a year and a half of her being constantly unstable and unfaithful I had to walk away. The instability I could have put up with probably for a long time, but the cheating and then the proceeding rationalization and blame game she played was too much. And I know none of this sounds very reassuring, but the point is that there are normal guys out there who will value you in spite of your condition and my advice to you is if you find one, treat him right.

Her0savestheday wrote:Oh that's not true at all. I'm a relatively normal guy and I didn't see that my ex-girlfriend was HPD/BPD. Even when $#%^ was HORRIBLE between and she was doing some really ###$ up $#%^ in the relationship, I was patient and understanding. However, after almost a year and a half of her being constantly unstable and unfaithful I had to walk away. The instability I could have put up with probably for a long time, but the cheating and then the proceeding rationalization and blame game she played was too much. And I know none of this sounds very reassuring, but the point is that there are normal guys out there who will value you in spite of your condition and my advice to you is if you find one, treat him right.

Ok Sorry.

Maybe I'm sending off the psycho vibe to them, so they don't come near me because if they do, it's the same old shiat or maybe I'm thinking that their thinking I'm crazy, so it's really me thinking that and not them but still, in realizing that I may be doing that, I won't change whatever it is I do.

I go in relationships with the intent on treating guys right and all men deserve respect, as women do by men but it seems that whenever I get comfortable and settled into a pattern, that's when it all starts to go wrong and I feel really bad for the guy because I realize the pain in his eyes and heart but the thing is it doesn't stop me, I'm not one to cheat but I guess I test guys, even the guys that I'm doing the testing on I test and I wish I could stop because I always realize what I'm doing is wrong but I still do it.

Maybe I haven't met the right guy yet but I don't know who he is because I don't know who I am and just when I think I know, I've turned into someone else.

I'll stop now

Maybe I haven't met the right guy yet but I don't know who he is because I don't know who I am and just when I think I know, I've turned into someone else.

This. Know thyself. Nothing was more agrivating than the fact that I knew how my ex's mind worked better than she did. She was extremely good at rationalizing her behavior and I actually think she believed these rationals herself. I think she was so wrapped up in this web of pain and anger spun for her by her parents that she created this almost fantasy persona of a laid back cute hippy girl, which is who I think she is but it was created as a defense mechanism. She's to consumed by her pain and anger that she can't even begin to admit to her problems. I know one of the most difficult things in my life and my own road to overcoming a few of my issues was admitting that I was angry and admitting WHY I was angry. I knew I acted out in anger when presented with certain situations, but I didn't know WHY I acted out in anger. I think that's the problem most people have. I'd ask her why she did something and she'd say "I'm afraid of getting hurt, so I wanted to hurt you before you hurt me". That's not the full story. It should have been "I'm afraid of getting hurt BECAUSE *Insert Honest Answer*". I know I'm rambling about my past, but the point is the more honest you are with yourself the more you will know and love who you are.

I dunno, maybe it's easy for me since I've known who I was since about age 5.

You have nice breasts. No, that was not an insult but a compliment.

Narcipisstic wrote:You have nice breasts. No, that was not an insult but a compliment.

Gee, how mature of you. This forum is about borderline personality. Not nice breasts. I wish it was a forum for nice breasts, but alas, it isn't. Go to a breast forum.