Not remebering the past

hi, so if been diagnosed with bipolar and am far on the borderline spectrum. i am currently unmedicated but was on a mix of trileptal and seroquel. but whatever with all that.

i have a lot of trouble remembering the past, i can recall some events but not the emotions attached. its like nothing that happens matters of affects me today. if i think about the future it is only to avoid a anxiety stressor or to dwell on a paranoia that might come true. so mostly i live in the exact moment and remain stagnant and spend most of my days in a dissociative haze until something triggers me to feel intensely. anyone else experience this?

For me I think it works more the other way - it is the emotion I remember. There are big chunks that I don't remember much about. Mind you I am 52 now so that could be normal - it's a long way back
The bits of the past I remember most vividly though are the emotional things. I used to think it was about me bearing grudges but I now see that the reason I remember those things is because there were more extreme emotions attached.

It is good they say to focus on the here and now - mindfulness of course is all about that. The past - I am not sure it does anyone any good to be ruminating about the past all the time. You can't change any of it so what's the point? But the future, the future is the one thing you can do something about. Nothing is decided. Perhaps you should try, say, to focus on the month ahead and what you would like to do rather than try and predict the long term future. Maybe you could even get a diary or planner to help.

Remembering the past? The thing that always helps me with that is to write about it. You might be surprised what you do remember once you start.

This morning I opened a box that's been in the spare room for longer than I can remember. In it were all these books from my childhood that I had completely forgotten about. You'd be amazed what memories something like that brings back. Perhaps you have things from the past too. It might help you remember, if you want to of course.

Don't forget in all of this you are on meds - they may be a part of why you're not feeling the past. I have certainly taken meds like that at one time or another. They can make you feel a bit detached especially with your emotions.

I love remembering things. I'm a bit romantic with my versions of events though because it's the only way I can deal with memories without it sending me under.

Sometimes I am scared to look back because there are bad monsters there but if I can get beyond them then there are some gems.

I also get flashbacks and they take me totally by surprise and can be brought on by the most mundane of things. It's these that make me feel emotion. Usually panic or terror.

In that box I found this book, a reference book for kids. When I opened it I found these pressed flowers. Probably weeds, but pretty ones. I must have done that when I was about 10. I am now 52. I had no idea they were there. It was really sweet. So there are gems to be found when you look back. Sometimes a little reminder is all you need.

I can barely remember some of my past, specially about past relationships. I can barely recall the good moments in them, if any. Only how they all ended. My therapist told me that it's probably because I only recall them in the most extreme, negative ways, that if they ended, then I automatically think of them as only bad moments. And outside relationships, I can mostly remember the most extreme emotional moments in my life, and not much more. Its annoying, because we're supposed to learn from the past, but the past is filtered through a lot of extreme emotional moments, so what can I learn about it all, then?

I unfortunately remember a lot of my past and tend to obsess and dwell on it. Things like past romantic partners or past arguments can literally bring me back to those moments and feel the same intensity of emotion I felt then. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll be thinking about an argument I had and then I will start verbalizing cruel, cutting, and vitriolic statements whether out loud or under my breath in social settings regardless of who is around. Or just feeling intense emptiness and sadness if it’s a nostalgic or depressing memory.