Imposter syndrome?

Do you guys suffer from this? I think that I resonate with the experience, especially when it comes to having my mental health validated. I look for constant reassurance that I actually have BPD or that I am really suffering. I have even caught myself going to lengths to engage in unhealthy behaviors on purpose just to validate to myself I actually am ill. If you guys aren’t aware of what imposter syndrome is, it’s basically a deep rooted fear that you are a fraud or that you will be exposed as such. I have a deep rooted fear that I am a terrible person or that I am a narcissist and that I will be shown as such to the world. I may also feel this way when it comes to career choices or hobbies, where I believe I’m not actually good at the things I do and eventually my big “secret” will come out and everyone will know I suck.

My old T suggested I had this... then she gave me a self compassion workbook to work on. I feel exactly like you do. I feel like I’m fooling everyone. Like I tricked them all. I’m not good at my job, I tricked my clients into liking me. I’m not a good person, I fooled everyone into thinking so. There’s nothing wrong with me, I just tricked everyone into believing there is. I think I tell my T at least once every session, “I think I lied to all of you (everyone who was involved in my DID dx) I think I must’ve fooled all of you into thinking I have this” she always has a super smart therapist comeback. I was diagnosed BPD (hung out on this forum before) and now have been diagnosed with DID (not sure if it overrides the BPD or I have both or what) but I relate completely to what you say. I always feel like I’m going to be found out. At any moment, people are going to realize who I truly am, which is awful.

I relate. I feel like I have to have my diagnosis validated at all times because I have this fear deep inside me that I tricked all my therapists into diagnosing me with BPD (mind you I was diagnosed 2 years ago and I'm on my second cycle of DBT), I fear they will soon find out I'm a fraud and will think I'm a waste of time. At one point I was even convinced I had factitious disorder.
This doesn't happen much to me in other fields, but maybe it's because I never had a job and everyone knows I suck at being a student.

my therapist told me that you always think the worst thing about yourself. that im obsessed with self hatred. we still have to talk about it in our next session.

Yeah, both in BPD and, well, everything else. At work I always feel like people will find out somehow that I'm not the cheerful, outgoing girl they think, even though I know rationally that it's normal to act differently at work and that costumers don't care. With any skill I have, I feel as if I'm not really that good, that people are just telling me that to be nice; I'm not really that special and if I am good at something, surely it's just a fluke, a one time thing.

With my BPD it's a bit different, like OP says, I feel like I don't really have the disorder and I have even brought myself to do things to validate it. Sometimes if I break, it will be a little part of me that is reassured, that my struggles are in fact real. Most of the time I feel like a normal person who is just abnormally weak, irrational and moody.

Definitely. Also a routine topic of discussion in my DBT groups. Sometimes I feel like “ normal “ people
Simply buy into the identity that their work or family life provides. An unstable , oscillating or lack of sense of self is most likely at the root of this.

I also look for reassurance of my diagnosis. When I temporarily feel like I have a sense of self it feels wonderful and my depression lifts. The thing must be on a timer though because I always fall back
To a miserable and confused baseline

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:Do you guys suffer from this? I think that I resonate with the experience, especially when it comes to having my mental health validated. I look for constant reassurance that I actually have BPD or that I am really suffering. I have even caught myself going to lengths to engage in unhealthy behaviors on purpose just to validate to myself I actually am ill. If you guys aren’t aware of what imposter syndrome is, it’s basically a deep rooted fear that you are a fraud or that you will be exposed as such. I have a deep rooted fear that I am a terrible person or that I am a narcissist and that I will be shown as such to the world. I may also feel this way when it comes to career choices or hobbies, where I believe I’m not actually good at the things I do and eventually my big “secret” will come out and everyone will know I suck.

I relate to every single thing you said.