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Borderline and avoidant?

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Borderline and avoidant?

Postby angel1998 » Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:13 am

Hey is it possible and common to have these two overlap?
I was diagnosed with bpd a few weeks ago but I'm almost sure I have some avoidant symptoms as well.

To give you an idea of what I mean:
The shrink says I'm borderline because of my self harm, poor impulse control, excessive drinking and partying, promiscuity, problems with a sense of self, moodswings..

But also, I'm so lonely. I have no actual friends. I get along ok with classmates in college and I go to places and parties with my roommate who I really like but can't really call a 'friend' because I just can't connect with pleople. I can have kind of normal conversations but inside I'm constantly thinking about what I'm saying and how they see me. I can never relax. I'm a completely different person then when I'm just with family. If not I just can't open up and I'm so uncomfortable that I'm boring (when I'm with the few people I'm comfortable with I have a fun personality). Even when I'm walking down the street I'm constantly aware of how strangers see me. I'm extremely self aware, especially in regards to my face, so I always keep in mind which way I'm facing, almost unconciously.. I often pretend to be looking away from people.. I've no idea why, it's rediculous. Others mostly see me as cold and aloof but the truth is I'm just too focused on them and myself. There's some kind of blockage between me and everything. My mind is exhausting..
But it was a lot worse in high school when I didn't say 3 sentences to people in all four years. I was afraid to even drink in public and had anorexia. It was extreme.

Truth is I'm in pain a lot of the time and I have noone to lean on and I'm doing this to myself. I want desperately to love and be loved and have normal relationships and just open up and connect with people but I cannot do it for my life. So often I just get drunk and go out, find somebody..and the next morning I'm uncomfortable and cold again and I never see them again. My life is a hole. I have no real hobbies and I feel disconnected from everyone.

I feel hopeless for many reasons. A few times a few people have noticed when I was barely holding it together and even saw me cry. We had a talk, I was grateful, they were smiling at me and asking how I am for a couple of days but I went back to cold and they slowly stopped. It's so frustrating. I can't believe myself.
And it's not that I think that I'm the worst person. I believe I'm about average. So why the f*** is this happening to me. Deep down I've got some issues. But I promise nothing traumatising has ever happened to me.

I'm starting therapy in a week. I hope it can help. I'm tired, so tired, of this way of living.
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Re: Borderline and avoidant?

Postby scharah » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:40 pm

It's possible, my therapist thinks that o top of everything else I'm somewhat schitzoid. I'm exactly like you, even the "pretending to look away from people". I think I do it so they don't notice I need their attention like a puppy dog left in the rain. In fact I'd like to be a puppy dog or a baby to gets constant nurturing attention. I think that's also why I'm lonely/can't relate to people, as where as normal people want friends to have fun, I want friends so that they would take care of me like a puppy dog. And people seem to find that repulsive, weird and scary.
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Re: Borderline and avoidant?

Postby angel1998 » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:50 pm

scharah wrote:It's possible, my therapist thinks that o top of everything else I'm somewhat schitzoid. I'm exactly like you, even the "pretending to look away from people". I think I do it so they don't notice I need their attention like a puppy dog left in the rain. In fact I'd like to be a puppy dog or a baby to gets constant nurturing attention. I think that's also why I'm lonely/can't relate to people, as where as normal people want friends to have fun, I want friends so that they would take care of me like a puppy dog. And people seem to find that repulsive, weird and scary.


Oh thanks for the reply.
I think I pretend I'm not be looking at people on the street simply because I'm too nervous and I feel like they'll judge me. Even complete strangers..
Fyi I personally don't think taking care of somebody is weird or anything. Some people find it cute :)
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Re: Borderline and avoidant?

Postby Caz0964 » Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:40 am

When I got diagnosed with BPD, I was pretty confused as I'm extremely "Over-controlled", not outward at all.

Although I did a test after the psychiatrist diagnosed me, with my psychologist and it showed I have very high traits of AvPD too, so it's definitely possible. I'm pretty anti-social, the only times I go out with people is if i'm taking drugs, getting drunk etc. I don't really attend family stuff, I have really bad social anxiety, i can never talk in groups as i'm aware of every stupid thing i do, although i crave to have those kind of friendships i can just never keep them for long, and stable.

so you aren't alone :)

loook into "Quiet BPD"
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Re: Borderline and avoidant?

Postby OrbweaverLeads » Mon Jan 28, 2019 6:52 am

i definitely think they can overlap. I'm get very enraged really easily and it hangs around for days and it makes me act very impulsively and try to see a lot of people. And I'm also quite shy and avoidant. One of my friends complained to me that I'm hard to connect with because I avoid phone calls and facebook (they make me way too anxious) and I only like text messages - I usually only respond after I've had time to think it over.
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