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Do I have BPD?

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Do I have BPD?

Postby Misskmac » Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:56 am

I’ve never had an exact diagnosis of depression/anxiety. I pretty much showed up to my GP and said I felt I had some symptoms and was pointed down the road of counselling and eventually medication.

In relationships, it seems whenever a partner and I argue I explode by either self-harming, throwing stuff at them or binge drinking to the point I end up in danger such as walking home alone. I've really made an effort to try and change, and having enrolled in another uni degree, found myself now on 6 weeks placement for uni with this being all unpaid from work. I have been really stressed and so has my current partner, so we haven’t been seeing each other much at all, which has further divided us. I’ve decided to do the uni degree to try and earn more money so we can eventually move in together. With him being so distant and me being stressed, the last two Saturdays I have drank with my best friend again to excess and put myself in precarious situations again. My partner picked me up from the first time and the second time I went and slept on his couch.
I went to see my doctor again and she doubled my dosage of medication. I also rang the Mental Health crisis line and since it’s classified as “non-urgent” my case has been triaged for a caseworker. I have been suicidal but due to having young children and not wanting to hurt my family I do not feel this is an option.
In between the fights with my current partner we have a great, fun and loving relationship. However he is now torn between staying with me and leaving, as he is scared of what happened with his ex-wife happening with me (he lost 6 years of savings on a house deposit with her). He also says his depression is affecting his thinking (he is also on medication). This is affecting me even worse as I’m completely angry at myself for the problems I’ve caused, but I have asked him for what I need – “a soft place to fall” in difficult times. I feel that the fact that he feels he has to make a choice means its kind of already over. I's so upset and confused.

In all of this – I just want to feel normal. No feeling like I need to self-harm, no suicidal thoughts, no stupid drinking sessions where I lose control. I am really high functioning – I look and act professional at work, I don’t drink during the week, my children are happy, clean and fed. But I feel like I have completely messed up both mine and my children’s life.
I have no idea what to do and where to go from here. I’ve rang my local mental health service a week ago and since I’m not suicidal right now, I’m listed as non-urgent.
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Re: Do I have BPD?

Postby RamadanSteve » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:44 pm

I can't diagnose you formally because I'm not a psychologist (yet...I am going to school for psyche and know a lot about it) but it seems like you at least have a lot of BPD traits. What medication are you on? What kind if job do you have?
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Re: Do I have BPD?

Postby Misskmac » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:27 am

I’m on sertraline 100mg. I work at a school, training to be a teacher
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Re: Do I have BPD?

Postby RamadanSteve » Sat Sep 15, 2018 12:42 pm

Anti depressants never worked for me personally, only antinosychotics and mood stabilizers
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