Do I have BPD? Documented my daily life

• Anger is constant and elevates quickly
• Unable to defuse elevated anger without violent verbal or physical actions
• Lack of Sleep / Unable to stay asleep once I fall asleep. Constantly napping while driving or when I have down time. Any time of day
• Always talking more than listening and interrupting conversations to input my thoughts or opinions
• Unable to remain calm driving with slow or poor drivers (often driving recklessly to release the frustration)
• Unable to work with peers who do not work at my pace without becoming condescending but later always end up apologizing for my actions
• Often find myself interested in other women when I don’t immediately receive the response or reactions from my fiancé my mind seems to wander very quickly –vs- trying to express to my partner my feelings
• Always end up apologizing for my actions and crying after I blow my top and have an all-out nasty verbal fight with my partner. First the fight comes…¬¬¬¬¬then I need to remove myself from the situation….then I return to apologize
• Totally go of the deep end and nasty when my partner is unreachable I first get worried they are hurt….then it escalates to anger they are cheating….then I end the relationship all in less than sometimes 30 mins time when I cannot control my anxiety
• Quickly frustrated and feel anxiety when someone does not do things I feel they should like take out the garbage when they have free time or do the dishes instead of playing on social media
• Over analyze situations after they occur and make them a them vs me frustration ie. Doctors who make carless errors on my visit I look back and say “they are so ignorant how did they not cover a major concern that was clear as day” I then lose all trust in that relationship
• Extremely Jealous/Overprotective of my partner in public and often leads to nasty verbal or escalated to violent physical altercations
• Unable to define what makes me happy (I know money, shopping, working out, and
taking care of my image are very therapeutic)
• Unable to define myself aside from being a person who works harder than anyone else or will sacrifice all for his family to have better ( doing this also creates a lot of anger and animosity when it’s not acknowledged)
• Constantly told I am negative
• Hesitant to meet people (easily able to talk once initial wall is broken down)
• Frustrated all the time expecting the same efforts from others that I give them
• Easily depressed when I do not get the reaction I expect from an act of kindness
• Comfortable talking to strangers –vs- loved ones about things (I find less likely to get into an argument on topics)
• Constantly feel unappreciated for efforts when working hard or doing for others
• Quickly jump from task to task usually start a project and move on to a new project before completing the old one first
• Quickly right people off when they do not respond the way I feel they should. I no longer feel they can be trusted
• No concern for authority Nobody tells me what or when I can or cannot do something
• Find it easier to end relationships than to work through the difficult or hard times (avoidance)
• Anxious, Nervous, or Stressed when I am not keeping busy (Downtime is Stressful)

I'm not a Dr. And haven't been diagnosed myself by one however I'm pretty sure I meet many characteristics of someone with BPD/HPD. I actually believe I have characteristics of all PDs , the ones I mentioned are the most obvious.

After reading over your list I can honestly say I don't recognize myself in most of what you wrote. Although I have a lot of mood swings along with facing the dark side more than most, power and control has never consumed me.

Your list appears to have many power and control issues. It seems when you can't get what you want or you can't control a person or situation it makes you rebel to the point of self destruction. People who self distruct or sabatosh their relationships and circumstances usually have high expectations and a need to be in control of everything and everyone.

Perhaps you have NPD with a high desire for power and control ? I don't think this list is consistent with those who have BPD.

Thank you for the feed back

Ive taken many bpd tests and align with all 9 of the criteria

You should probably ask a doctor.
I hate people and really only want to them when I want something. I don't like attention.

But if I don't get what I want, I will destroy your entire world. I have had to take Xanax to knock me out to keep from doing things that would land me in jail. Like, taking a bat to property, hitting, showing up and fighting. Or sending poop in a box to them. Yes, there is a service that will do that.

I'm not talking about just men. Men are a dime a dozen. I mean anybody. Just, don't cross my path. I usually can figure out who I can manipulate and who I can't pretty fast.

That's my BPD. Oh...I always dumped men first, though. I was never going to lose. That's just a personal thing like, if you stole from me I will make you pay.

As for losing a game or someone calling me a loser..I couldn't care less. Once I vet a person I know what part they play in my life.

But be aware my doctor finds me as a high Mach and I personally feel his finding of Psychopathy alarms me. I don't intentionally want to hut anybody. I just see the world is a piece of crap and most people in it are, and so probably I've built a shell.

I can relate so much to a lot of what you said. Its like reading myself. I can so relate to hating people if they don't acknowledge fully who i am. And having no concern for authority and having an unstable sense of who I am. If someone doesn't acknowledge who I am constantly then I begin to hate them cos I lose myself again. I have a personality and a sense of who I am but it can go for a while. That's whats happening to me ATM its hell! However a lot of the problems you are describing, well to me they sound like ADHD. I have ADHD and suspect a lot that I may have BPD. But I also struggle with getting angry and frustrated really quickly and going from task to task. Some of what you're struggling with sound like it may or may not be ADHD. I don't know I'm not a doctor. But yh. And some of the other stuff you are struggling with may or may not be BPD. But yeah. Reading some of what you have wrote, well it's like reading a report about me lol.