Villainized

I am reluctant to tell others about my BPD, because often when anything goes wrong, it feels like they use what I've told them to villainize me. My ex boyfriend has a blog, and until recently I was still visiting it a few times a week. He knew about it because he used analytics. His new girlfriend was upset because she felt this was stalker-like in light of my mental illness and who knows what I would do next (in her words). I don't think it was particularly healthy that I looked at his blog so much, but it is a public blog, and I wasn't interacting with him through it. I feel that if I they didn't know about my BPD, they wouldn't have reacted in such a way. I try to keep my diagnosis to myself most of them time, and this makes me feel alone but increasingly seems like the only way to protect myself from being judged.

I am a bit reluctant for the same reason. There have been many instances where abusers have used my illness as an excuse for their behaviour or to deny their behaviour and there have been instances where people treated me like "the bad one" just because of my diagnosis. But people will be people.

I agree that people could use it against you, which is my reason for not talking about it with my therapist or if I get help a mental health professional in the future. I've had a therapist tell me that after some test he had me take, I don't actually have bipolar disorder but borderline personality disorder. And then he said he couldn't treat me anymore and I needed to find a new therapist.

I didn't know anything about BPD back then, but I thought it was pretty messed up for a therapist to dump a patient over the score of a test. I ended up not talking about BPD for years, until it became overwhelming during my last break up. I also have my significant other throw it in my face on a regular basis, as well as calling me delusional, crazy, freak, etc. Then he says he's sorry when we're making up. It makes me regret saying anything but in the end I feel better being honest with him =/

I guess on the one hand, people who really do care can learn about it and try to be supportive of what you're going through. And also try to learn how to treat you so that they don't constantly trigger you. Hopefully there could be more harmony in the relationship. That's what I hope for anyway, is some understanding.

On the other hand, if they're immature or you guys break up, it'll possibly be considered your fault cause of your BPD. Some people seem unable to take responsibility for even just their half of the relationship. BPD's make really good scapegoats because we have such a struggle with boundaries, and then our emotional sensitivity makes us vulnerable for people to dump their #######4 on us. It's hard to be able to trust people for me too. I hate people.