Flying under the radar?

Another stolen topic, this time from Breytt. (Thanks Breytt...)

BPD isn't always "noticeable", and before my diagnosis, I thought I was like everyone else and everyone else thought I was like them. Turns out I'm not, but I had ~no~ idea I had this disorder. I believe other disorder's can be more obvious, to the individual themselves or to outsiders -resulting in them seeking out others much quicker/or more frequently.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Does BPD tend to be less visible/"fly under the radar" compared to other PDs? How old were you when you realized there was something wrong with you? Did you realize it first yourself or did other people have to point it out to you? Did you attempt to minimalize/rationalize the differences between you and other people? Do you think pw/BPD are slower to seek help/have "help" enforced on them than people with other PDs? Is the fact that you have BPD obvious to others? Were you considered the "good child" or the "bad child" in your family?

If you think BPD "flies under the radar", do you consider that good or a bad thing? If you think it BPD does not "fly under the radar", do you consider that a good thing or a bad thing? Do you feel invisible? If so, do you think that's an accurate perception or a misperception?

I wish breytt would talk more about that too.
Because irrelevantly of pd do you ever go back and forward thinking that everyone must feels like you// you know there is something different about you .

My experience with diagnosed bpd and not someone i assume.( But you have to keep in mind that my descriptions of people are in correlation with what triggers me and my personality).Before i knew about bpd i saw him completely different than when i knew about it. Before he was under the radar and "trigger me" i wanted to avoid him and he seemed like every one else.after i knew i saw very clearly how different he was in comparison with others ,he reacted completed different, overreacted and his traits went very obvious and trigger me to get incredibly interested

I've always known I was "different", but I've always heard that "everyone is the same" so when I was 18/20 years old I tried hard to face my demons and have a nomal life. I spent too much energy for something I couldn't have. The emptiness was there. The need to be in a permanent anesthesia state of mind was there. The break ups or rejections were ...I couldn't describe so much suffering in a few words, it was unbearable, and it lasted so much longer than "normal" people. Nobody understood me, I felt so alone.

I've always been described as overreacting, impulsive, emotional, but only the people who are close to me know this side of my personality, so, for them it was "normal" because I've always been like this, and I 'm a different person in front of other people so they lack elements to say what the problem is about.

Until 3 years ago I never wanted to seek help because I used to think that I was normal (my mother always told me people have the same problems as me in their life) and I thought I was stronger than that. But my last break up was so, so painful, that my suicidal ideas took the power. I mean, these dark ideas have always been in my mind, but that time I really had no control and I knew if I had the opportunity I would just "do it".

I've always been the good child, except for my father who called me evil, satan, slut, lazy, etc but it was only a projection of what he was.

It's not a good thing to fly under the radar, because if it's not obvious no one will tell you that you need help, and as a person with BPD, I tend to doubt everything I feel or think, like "is this normal to feel this way?", "should I feel this way?", and also, I master the art of anesthesia and avoidance so "why would I seek help?" "Why would I risk to feel pain, to be rejected or abandoned again?"

And yes, I feel invisible, I am invisible, because that's how I need things to be when I can't deal with the world .

^that was very helpful and interesting description and also that sounds exactly like my mother.she keeps telling that everyone feels like this and everyone has problems and acts similar and invalidates everything and justifies everything wrong

Hm I think it may be confused with another PD like NPD or even with/(overlap with) bipolar disorder, but according to my therapist, it should be pretty obvious. I dunno. I had 4 therapists in my life and none really believed I suffered from something. The one thought I was bipolar but he was not a therapist, just a psychiatrist who prescribed me medication. When I called my current therapist to make an appointment and told him "I have this overwhelming fear people will leave me" he was like "Ok I think I know what the problem is"... I dunno. My therapist is pretty well known in the country as he is one of the 3 100% specialized in PDs.

patientxgreece wrote: My therapist is pretty well known in the country as he is one of the 3 100% specialized in PDs.

If he is 100% specialized in PDs, and has a big reputation for that, be assured that you will not leave his office without having a PD whether you actually have one or not.

Eight wrote:

patientxgreece wrote: My therapist is pretty well known in the country as he is one of the 3 100% specialized in PDs.

If he is 100% specialized in PDs, and has a big reputation for that, be assured that you will not leave his office without having a PD whether you actually have one or not.

Nah I am an open book. He read my high school diaries and he said it was already back then obvious! My other therapists were like "you are just spoilt" or "you are just stressed" or "you are bipolar"

Oh, so you've been seeing him for some time and he knows you well. That's different.
I thought, from what you wrote, that this was a new therapist. Well, good, now you know.

patientxgreece wrote:Hm I think it may be confused with another PD like NPD or even with/(overlap with) bipolar disorder, but according to my therapist, it should be pretty obvious.

Obvious for who? Non or normal people often don't know a thing about this PD, therapists or even psychiatrists sometimes need years to find the "right" diagnosis, especially if someone is high functioning, in denial and/or with comorbidity. Obvious for a PD specialist (like yours), that, I can accept; but it's not obvious for everyone, far from it.

perejil wrote:

BPD isn't always "noticeable", and before my diagnosis, I thought I was like everyone else and everyone else thought I was like them. Turns out I'm not, but I had ~no~ idea I had this disorder. I believe other disorder's can be more obvious, to the individual themselves or to outsiders -resulting in them seeking out others much quicker/or more frequently.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Does BPD tend to be less visible/"fly under the radar" compared to other PDs?

Thinking about it, I'm not sure i can answer my own question (not knowing much about PDs in general or BPD in particular). I would guess that results vary considerably by individual.

How old were you when you realized there was something wrong with you?

I always knew there was something different about me. For a long time I imagined that this might be due to some sort of "giftedness". I wasn't ready to concede there was some kind of problem until into my 30s, I think.

Did you realize it first yourself or did other people have to point it out to you?

After many, many, many people attempted to point it out to me, I eventually came around, kicking and screaming all the way.

Did you attempt to minimalize/rationalize the differences between you and other people?

At first I thought I was "gifted". Then I figured I was just misunderstood. Then I imagined I was submissive. After all of those theories were proven wrong, repeatedly, I was finally forced to admit defeat. Again, kicking and screaming the whole way.

Do you think pw/BPD are slower to seek help/have "help" enforced on them than people with other PDs?

I'm not sure I could say for other people w/ BPD versus other PDs. As a child I repeatedly asked for help and was ignored, though it was obvious there was something really wrong. (I guess that sort of contradicts what I just said about "giftedness". I suppose I had mixed feelings about it.) It must have been convenient to point to my straight As and model conduct and say there wasn't a problem. In reality, I was desperately trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. In the end, I just couldn't do it anymore, but by them I was 18 and my parents basically said, it's your problem, get out. I'm still angry about it. I used to be very, very angry. I wish I had had the courage to rebel, to "break down" earlier rather than trying so hard to make the sinking ship appear to be afloat, so that others wouldn't be made uncomfortable or inconvenienced. It might have made a big difference to have gotten help early.

Is the fact that you have BPD obvious to others? Were you considered the "good child" or the "bad child" in your family?

Both, if that makes any sense. Because of my grades and my good behavior I was given a free pass to be eccentric and dysfunctional. My parents must have known there was a problem, but only cared about the appearance of success, which I was able to maintain through almost the end of high school.

If you think BPD "flies under the radar", do you consider that good or a bad thing? If you think it BPD does not "fly under the radar", do you consider that a good thing or a bad thing?

It's probably both good and bad, when it happens. Good, because it gives the borderline the appearance of normality, an ability to "pass" for normal. Bad, because if these problems go unaddressed, it just causes problems later in life, when the consequences of being dysfunctional are far greater than for a child.

Do you feel invisible? If so, do you think that's an accurate perception or a misperception?

I do often feel invisible. I think sometimes it's an accurate perception and other times I think I may be unaware of the amount of emotional space I actually occupy. People walking on eggshells, and all that.