Sense of Self and Sexuality

Hey.

I promise I'll keep it short this time ...

I have a question about those who lack a sense of self, and their sexuality. I've always considered myself straight, I still do. Although, when I was around 14, I made a friend, and I really became close to him instantly, and thought he was the best friend I'd ever had. I stayed at his house, and he ended up reaching into my pants, and I didn't want to say anything, so I just let it happen, I hate confrontation and I avoid it at all costs.

A few years later, when I was around 18, I was using drugs, I wasn't around the best kinds of people at the time, but I have made bad decisions in the past. Anyways, a close friend was also with me, and on that night I initiated sex, not because I am gay, I'm not really sure why, but obviously the intoxication didn't help, although It was more to please him, because he was my friend, and obviously that would provide me with some security, I guess I struggled to see where the friendship boundaries were, and I just wanted him to value me.

Sometime last year, I had made some new friends, and I was getting quite close to an aquintances girlfriend, not romantically, but as a friend. Anyways, when we were drunk she suggested it would be "easier" if I was gay, because people wouldn't suspect something is going on between us two (people made the odd comment) and retrospectively I assumed it was because I was drunk, but I started questioning whether I was gay, and started looking at guys, and started imagining being with a guy, and it took me around a week or two afterwards (After I'd cut ties with them) to figure out I'm not gay at all, I guess I am very easily led, and I just want to fit in.

My question is, is this normal for people with BPD? I can understand that I didn't like to confrontation of wanting someone to stop what they were doing, but the other times it wasn't like that, it was my idea, in my head, or atleast what I felt at that time.

Can anyone relate to this, or shed some light?

When I was 16 I had a girlfriend. We didn't last long, and I wasn't interested in her sexually. Oddly enough though I'm not interested in men sexually either. When I was younger I would masturbate. Now most people (from what I've gathered) masturbate because they're horny, but for me it just helped me sleep. Even this morning I was having trouble getting back to sleep, so I got myself off and slept like a baby for a couple more hours.

I have absolutely no sex drive. For the longest time I had assumed it was maybe my birth control, but I switched that a few weeks ago and for just one week I wanted sex. Now I'm back to not caring about it ~at all~. I'm not a giver, nor do I care to receive.

So with that said my sexual identity is pretty consistent. I'd say I'm interested in any "type" of person, as long as they don't really want anything sexual. I did struggle with this a lot more when I was younger, but the last couple years I realized I just don't care for anything sexual in a relationship. Any gender is good for me depending on their sexual needs.
Fortunately my boyfriend doesn't have a very high libido, so it works okay I guess. I mean he gets frustrated when it's been 2 weeks, but c'est la vie.

I think sex is a problematic thing for many people, especially those with a mental illness.

Myself I connect sex with being wanted and needed, and maybe you’re the same. I’ve developed bad OCD symptoms around it. Basically if we don’t do it once a week I panic and have compulsions to do it so we don’t break up. Because it’s linked in with my BPD fear of abandonment, it makes it once of my biggest issues.

i have bigger intimacy problems and trust isssues with guys.so emotionaly i prefer girls that makes me confused,although i know clearly sexually i prefer guys.
also i am open minded,i don't know if this has a connection with not having a good identity or is just openmindness,that i don't see the problem in being with any gender.although if i am honest to myself i know who i am more sexually attracted to.

i always thought is the "why not" of open mindedness but maybe there is a connection with not having clear identity.but is difficult to understand what it means.
i have heard al lot of people don't even what gender they are. i never had that problem.

Caz0964 wrote:
My question is, is this normal for people with BPD?

Are those the only two times? Then I would say no, I don't think it's related to BPD.

perejil wrote:

Caz0964 wrote:
My question is, is this normal for people with BPD?

Are those the only two times? Then I would say no, I don't think it's related to BPD.

No ofcourse not, I just wanted to sort of relay a few instances which have happened throughout my life to see if there's a connect.

I can see how a fear of abandonment or need to feel wanted could drive me to do things sexually with people I'm just a close friend with, because I want their approval and I want to feel like they want me.

Caz0964 wrote:No ofcourse not, I just wanted to sort of relay a few instances which have happened throughout my life to see if there's a connect.

I can see how a fear of abandonment or need to feel wanted could drive me to do things sexually with people I'm just a close friend with, because I want their approval and I want to feel like they want me.

Well then, it probably is related to BPD, though without more details it's hard to comment.

^i was thinking about this.but not actually being attracted to them and not doing anything sexual but coming out as more flirty or nice because you want to be liked. and when i realize it ,i think,why the ###$ do you care ,just be a bitch but i feel is compulsive. but the difference is that i can devalue them,so instead of doing something i don't want ,i just split them black/reject them first and not give a $#%^.