I’m angry.

I just wrote a whole thread, and vented out my feelings only to have PF log me out, thus deleting everything I just wrote.

I just self-harmed instead.

I can understand you being angry- I always copy what I write if it’s long so that if I lose it I can paste it back in.

Sad that you self-harmed instead, I guess you should perhaps think about what you could do differently next time?

Can you summarise here what you wrote before, even if in a much shorter form?

Another idea would be to write it out on your phone first and then copy and paste it here so if you lose it you still have it somewhere else.

Well logically since you actually completed the cathartic process of figuratively putting your thoughts down on paper, it wasn’t really a waste.

If not being able to post it screwed the pooch, was the reaction of others an important part in jettisoning the feelings?

Quoth wrote:If not being able to post it screwed the pooch, was the reaction of others an important part in jettisoning the feelings?

Yes. Does that make me an attention seeker or a bad person?

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:
Yes. Does that make me an attention seeker or a bad person?

Is an exhibitionist an attention seeker or a bad person?

perejil wrote:
Is an exhibitionist an attention seeker or a bad person?

I don’t think so as long as it isn’t manipulative. I do think it’s underwritten by a need to use others to regulate self.

Quoth wrote:

perejil wrote:
Is an exhibitionist an attention seeker or a bad person?

I don’t think so as long as it isn’t manipulative. I do think it’s underwritten by a need to use others to regulate self.

That's kind, but I almost think it must be manipulative by definition.

Being an exhibitionist means, in most cases, attempting to wrest something from others that they haven't agreed to give you. Demanding it, forcing them to give it to you (or at least trying to force them to give it to you), instead of just asking and letting them decide.

Annoying, certainly. Attention seeking, certainly. Manipulative and showing a disregard for the rights of other people? I think probably, yes.

But you're right. Having this need isn't what makes someone a bad person. It's how they act on it that's good or bad.

I mean, I don’t do it to intentionally hurt others. It’s definitely more of a way to show the pain that I am in. From your description though, I’m starting to think maybe I’m just a bad person. I don’t want to be that way, I want to be good, but I just feel bad and undeserving.

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:...I’m starting to think maybe I’m just a bad person. I don’t want to be that way, I want to be good, but I just feel bad and undeserving.

Maybe that's part of the problem?

Feeling that way is going to create this kind of loop: you're self loathing, you can't handle those bad feelings, you react by doing something selfish/destructive, you feel guilty, which brings you back to... self loathing.

The only way out is to give yourself a break. Take it easy. Nobody's perfect, and certainly nobody on this site. You'd likely show compassion to someone else in your shoes instead of hating on them like this. Don't you deserve the same level of compassion?

After that, take a frank appraisal of your shortcomings and work from there.

-- Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:40 pm --

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:I mean, I don’t do it to intentionally hurt others. It’s definitely more of a way to show the pain that I am in.

It might be worthwhile to examine why you 'need to show the pain you're in'.

Is it because you want to elicit some reaction from others? Sympathy? Attention? Anger?
Is is because your feelings don't seem justified unless someone else validates them?
Is it because you depend on others to prove you exist?
Is it because you know you need help but you can't ask for it directly?
Is it because you need to feel like a victim?
Is it because you want to reinforce your view that you're a bad or unworthy person?

etc.

perejil wrote:

Quoth wrote:

perejil wrote:
Is an exhibitionist an attention seeker or a bad person?

I don’t think so as long as it isn’t manipulative. I do think it’s underwritten by a need to use others to regulate self.

That's kind, but I almost think it must be manipulative by definition.

Being an exhibitionist means, in most cases, attempting to wrest something from others that they haven't agreed to give you. Demanding it, forcing them to give it to you (or at least trying to force them to give it to you), instead of just asking and letting them decide.

Annoying, certainly. Attention seeking, certainly. Manipulative and showing a disregard for the rights of other people? I think probably, yes.

But you're right. Having this need isn't what makes someone a bad person. It's how they act on it that's good or bad.

I only yesterday realized I do this. I'm like a bottomless pit of neediness, and often other people are just vessels for me to GiVe me the effing attention and love I crave, but they just won't, at least in the way I want them to, and I get mad. But actually am too lacking of it to care whether it's annoying or not- have tried to have normal, light, adult conversations w people etc but I just get bored...