Is it good or bad to shut down w/ therapists?

I really hate all of my therapists. I really liked them at first and I was super open, but now I've completely shut down and I'm lying all the time. I did that with my pdoc as well, and I'm glad they don't seem to have noticed.

But I'm wondering if it's good or bad to shut down with them? Because every time I open up, they seem annoyed or uninterested, but every time I shut down they seem frustrated and fed up with me. So what am I supposed to do??

What are your experiences with opening up/shutting down w/ therapists/counselors/pdocs/etc? How did you adjust? What can I do to make sure my therapists don't give up on me again?

I am the opposite. I lie to basically every therapist in the first session. This is why they often group me as having minor minor issues.

Over time i tiptoe to the more dangerous subjects. Reason is i have major trust issues and i first want to know if they are alright in their head / have good intentions at least.

I am not sure if i sometimes overwhelm them. I mean, i start out being this totally easy patient but i get more and more problematic because we are getting to the hard topics.

I don't want to be a burden. I know this is irrational because they are there to help me. Actually. If i think about it. By lying to them i am actually wasting their time which is worse. So it would be better to be honest right from the start.

thejan wrote:I am the opposite. I lie to basically every therapist in the first session. This is why they often group me as having minor minor issues.

Over time i tiptoe to the more dangerous subjects. Reason is i have major trust issues and i first want to know if they are alright in their head / have good intentions at least.

I am not sure if i sometimes overwhelm them. I mean, i start out being this totally easy patient but i get more and more problematic because we are getting to the hard topics.

I don't want to be a burden. I know this is irrational because they are there to help me. Actually. If i think about it. By lying to them i am actually wasting their time which is worse. So it would be better to be honest right from the start.

I suppose everyone's different, but I definitely do agree with you. When I shut down, it's because I'm afraid they're going to take me away or use the information to blackmail me or use it against me somehow, even though that's irrational. But I don't think your therapists see you as a burden; it's their job to help you and that's what they're willing to do, I guess.

I haven't much experience with therapists, but surely it can't be good.

It's your money. I would insist on someone who actually listens. My impression is it's difficult to find the right person, so don't give up. And for heaven's sake don't lie.

Yeah, I mean, if your goal in therapy is to improve in certain aspects of your life, then shutting down isn’t doing you or your therapist any favors. When I shut down, I become completely immune to any new thought processes or improvement, things are the way I see them, and no one can change my mind. I often go into denial mode and everything is just “fine” all the time. I rationalize everything and become incapable of getting in touch with my feelings. All of these things are counterproductive in therapy. When you can’t express yourself emotionally to your therapist, it will be harder for them to connect with you and guide you along that journey of self discovery.

I had a therapist who I loved dearly. I would say I idealized her. She ran my group therapy sessions. I even started dressing like her, and she seemed to always know what I needed to hear and I felt very safe with her. I apparently shut down pretty frequently with emotional subjects, but she was always very gentle and when I would get emotional she made me feel so accepted, it actually made me start to think that showing my feelings was a good thing. She left for maternity leave and another therapist came in who I knew and I really liked her too, but because the other therapist left, I completely shut down and couldn’t function as well in the group anymore. All my individual therapists will be great at first, but then I’ll begin to question their commitment to me. They soon show me that they can’t understand me. They always end up giving me some horrible advice. I’ll go for a couple months and then just never go back, with no explanation to them.

Sorry I wrote so much. Do you think that maybe you’re projecting these feelings on to your therapists? You say that they seem annoyed or uninterested when you open up, is it possible this might just be a message you’ve carried with you from childhood? I don’t know what your options are, but is it possible to find a therapist that specializes with DBT or working with pwBPD? I know the therapist that really helped me used DBT and was also once in therapy herself and recovered from her own mental health issues, I think that helped me to feel safe and like she could understand me, but obviously that can be hard to find a therapist that has gone through something similar lol