do you think people change

I tried to have a conversation with my caretaker that how terrible she was and what her mistakes were. she immediately pointed out all my mistakes and that it was i who made the wrong choices.

now i regret talking with her and trying to make her see where she's wrong. it seems no amount of conversation will make her realize how terrible she was and is.

Imo, people change under 2 circumstances, and only if both of these are present:

a) they see that their behavior is bad.
b) they have an alternative behavior to replace that old behavior.

Still it is not easy to change. Many people never change because either a) or b) is not present. And even if both are present, many people need help with changing themselves.

yeah maybe you're right. i remember the time i was struggling with my addictive behaviour.

jaus tail wrote:I tried to have a conversation with my caretaker that how terrible she was and what her mistakes were. she immediately pointed out all my mistakes and that it was i who made the wrong choices.

now i regret talking with her and trying to make her see where she's wrong. it seems no amount of conversation will make her realize how terrible she was and is.

That sounds just like my mother. Classic blame-shifting. I'm currently trying to navigate this maze with my own mother, but all I can say is, I'm learning to just let things go. She will never change if she doesn't want to. No amount of discussion with her has ever helped, because any attempt on my part to do what you did results in her blaming me for everything I ever did and the discussion never gets anywhere.

I gave up on it and just let things be, and just try to live as much in peace with her as possible.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've learned in my own situation that any recompense from her will most likely never be forthcoming. And I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for too, Jaus (it kind of sounds like it - and hoping that they will change). But it may not ever happen. If that's true, could you live with that?

For me personally, I had to accept that fact. And it's been hard but I've had to learn too that she is not my responsibility. Never was.

yeah i was kinda hoping her to change. but i've also realized that i am not some saint. i cant always blame her for all the issues in my life. we're in a better situation now. the fights have reduced. so that's good.

People don't change by themselves. Especially if it concerns their "bad" behaviour, since it usually is simply comfortable for them.

But - people can be trained. Just like dogs. You can change someone else's behaviour if you stick to your rules and boundaries.