Jealousy

How do you deal with your jealousy and envy? Do you recognize them?

# PDs, pathological
Posted on multiple forums

I don't really feel jealousy. Only times I have in recent times, is like when my best friend got married. I knew our friendship would change, but I still kind of felt jealous that more of his time would be diverted to his wife.

But I knew that would happen, and that's to be expected, and I adjusted.

But as far as 'envy', I've never felt that that I recall. Like I've never understood the whole keeping up with the Jones' thing, if you're talking about that kind of envy. To me it's pointless.

Thanks for your prompt response.
Me neither. The times it's gotten under my skin are, if it involved deliberate attempts to implement certain power game elements.

Once you've been heavily bullied at school, you lose all interest in, for example, jealousy-driven social games. They are pointless.

i do not feel envy. i feel jealousy but i do not care to hurt the other.but i was thinking about this and if i am honest with myself sometimes when i am very jealous, i want to avoid you,because i feel sad i do not have something and i do not want to feel sad when i see you.
but this is not often for simple things.i do not get jealous for things others do or someone more narcissistic i have notice.
but i have notice envy for very specific things where it becomes envy because i get so sad everytime i see you that i do not want you.i realize how awful it is to want you to loose that thing but because i can't stop myself from being sad or annoyed i instead want to avoid you.
so i am not happy with your happiness.

julllia wrote:so i am not happy with your happiness.

This is how my thought process came to an end. But the opposite.
"I am happy with your happiness, I want you to be happy. At any rate."

The funny thing: I used to be jealous of qualities I actually possess, aren't you supposed to be jealous of qualities you don't have, eh?

Such as oh this person is so much better than me because xy --> intense feelings of inferiority until epiphany that it's actually one of my dominant trait. Instead of projecting negative attributes I projected positive ones. So like a reverse projection.

I still do it few and far between.

^confidence is good.but you can get delusional in such way also. instead of thinking that you are like him already,you should think that what you are is lovely too.

what if he has more money though.
or when you want someone and he has someone else as priority.

i read the aspd forum about jealousy. i think the suppression of anger annoys me so much ,when i can't express anger ,that i prefer to not feel it at all,it feels better. fantasy doesn't help either is annoying.
so i am not angry but i still find you annoying or want to avoid you because you make me feel sad when i see you.

-- Sun Aug 06, 2017 11:03 am --

also @castle what if someone has more money? or when is about love. like he made someone else his priority

i think jealousy is positive when it motivates you but negative when it turns to self sabotage.
so when someone for example is smarter,you do not think i am already as smart.but i will try to study more because i have ambition. although i am already lovely.
i sabotage too. it doesn't motivate me.it makes me avoid.
or when it makes you like in aspd so angry that is becoming destructive

Good thoughts jullia! I agree. No one is accountable for their emotions alone, but how they react.
I'm not fond of comparing, anything. We already are good enough and that's how it's going to be. There are no real social, parental, familiar etc. criteria or goal we should adapt to. So why pick any.
Someone else has and will always have something more or better. In the end, however, what matters is not what you have, life isn't just goals after goals.
So to me "better" simply loses it's meaning.
Perhaps I had it easy, since I'm not very ambitious person, not on common standard anyway, just happily settle with what I've got.

julllia wrote:^confidence is good.but you can get delusional in such way also. instead of thinking that you are like him already,you should think that what you are is lovely too.

Hey Sweetie, I might have sounded arrogant but positive projection is really a thing, look (Wikipedia):

"Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative)by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others."

It stems from a parent attributing themselves the quality you possess. You keep doing it to yourself later in life. It's very painful because you keep undermining yourself by refusing to see the good in yourself.

As for regular jealousy, I do experience it too! But it's not as painful and does not bother me as much as the mechanism described above did, because now I'm a little more aware of my strengths and limitations.