Does this happen to you

I've been told I need to start loving myself and building up my confidence , which I've been trying for the last year. However I can build myself up to be confident but it can drop instantly and before you know it , I'm depressed back to square one. I just can't get a grip and I'm really trying but I just can't do it. I'm thinking of admitting myself to a hospital to get better but not sure how I'd be around mentally ill people as they're not good hospitals here in the uk

Yes I feel this way everyday.
I've been hospitalised 2 times and it does not help, they don't treat people with prrsonalit disorders nicely.

Unknownfate wrote:Yes I feel this way everyday.
I've been hospitalised 2 times and it does not help, they don't treat people with prrsonalit disorders nicely.

Are you from the U.K. ? What do you do to cope ? My psychiatrist told me I need to start changing and that only I can do it. He also said if I really wanted change then I would have no problem in doing so , seriously ? These people truly don't know what it's like to have these disorders. It's one thing to sit there saying what we need to do reading it from a fact sheet but it's a complete difference actually having the disorder , complete different things in my eyes.

One second I'm carried by the winds, and the next I just want to fold my body inside out and disappear. Even if everything is going great, one tiny hiccup becomes my world, overshadowing all the amazing things I've done (not to toot my own horn, but I did once high five a dude in a Grimace costume while wearing the obligatory Burger King employee garment, so I think 'amazing' is an apt description for my exploits across the seas.)

I pick myself up pretty easily though, but I can see someone without my ability to recuperate just continually spiraling down that hole without any spontaneous resurgence of inspiration. The civilized world really is a cage for your 'insert impulsion' though, so an explosion is bound to happen to any sane mind.

Itsdave86 wrote:I've been told I need to start loving myself and building up my confidence , which I've been trying for the last year. However I can build myself up to be confident but it can drop instantly and before you know it , I'm depressed back to square one. I just can't get a grip and I'm really trying but I just can't do it. I'm thinking of admitting myself to a hospital to get better but not sure how I'd be around mentally ill people as they're not good hospitals here in the uk

Yep, this is one of my BPD symptoms. I can be having a fine day, and one negative comment or bad interaction had send me plummeting. And I agree, I think it has a lot to do with interpersonal confidence. I don't have the best history dealing with people or myself, so one bad thing reaffirms all those negative thoughts I built up over the years. I'm working hard to building up positive experiences so that I have that base.

I get annoyed with myself. The negative interactions seems to be so much more impactful than the positive interactions. I keep wanting to go back to this negative self-image (working on that in therapy), its hard to fight against it.

When it comes to hockey, or school, if I had a bad day, play poorly or get a bad grade, I bounce back quickly because of the base confidence I have. However if someone gets made at me, I get in an argument or I get some negative feedback, that strong base isn't there.

Itsdave86 wrote:These people truly don't know what it's like to have these disorders. It's one thing to sit there saying what we need to do reading it from a fact sheet but it's a complete difference actually having the disorder, complete different things in my eyes.p

Nons are bereft of the experiential cognizance of individuals with personality disorders; their knowledge is often imitative of textbook information. I'd imagine many people consult psychiatrists with the belief that patients are understood as individuals and their distress will be alleviated accordingly, but that's seldom the case.

For me, any type of criticism, negative feedback (however nicely it's said), or an off the cuff remark from someone else, can lead me way down the rabbit hole. In my mind I think it just reaffirms what I believe to be true....and that is, I'm not a very good person. It's almost like my brain will sometimes be on the lookout for things to make me feel worse about myself. I have no idea how to change it and wish others understood more of what exactly having zero confidence and no sense of self esteem is really like. Funny thing, my therapist gave me "homework" last week, to come up with 10 things I like about myself. Can I come up with 10 things...probably...but do I believe them to be true?? Not so much. Here's hoping you find something that helps!!