New here just a bit about myself and my disorders

Hello I am new here. My name is [mod edit] I am 27 years old. I was diagnosed with bpd at 22. At first I didn't understand what the diagnosis meant and never really researched it because I tend to not agree with doctors (not good I know) but the past year I have began dealing with things and learning more about bpd and it really explains a lot about myself like everything I read I swore that it was written about me. I also have bipolar 1 disorder,anxiety and ptsd. I joined this site for support and maybe to meet people who know what I go through daily. Anyway nice to meet you all...and stay positive.

Welcome! I am 29 and was diagnosed at 23. I also did the same as you once diagnosed.
Ive not been on this site for a while, but am happy to chat if you would like!

I just hate feeling like I have no idea who I am like who is the real me? My emotions are so crazy that I can't ever pinpoint what is a real emotion and what is a over reaction. I am so paranoid in my relationships with people to that it ends up pushing them away because they say I'm to difficult to be around or call me crazy. I have only 2 friends and I hardly ever speak to them because I don't trust anybody even when I have no reason not to trust them I just can't and I hate it. Everytime someone starts showing interest in me or wants to be friends all I think is yeah what do you really want. Its misreable thinking everyone is out to get me or has some kind of plan to mess with my head and I hate it. I hate not having control over these things. I also have no one to talk to because no one gets it I mean I don't even get myself. I'm constantly confused,angry,scared,sad,numb and feel alone even though I'm not alone. My moods switch so many times a day at any given moment and it just stresses me out. I don't know how to deal with any of it. I just want to find someone who can relate to what I go through on a daily basis so far I've had no luck at all. Mainly because I can't explain it to people you just don't get it and won't unless you also have bpd.

darkangel90 wrote:I just hate feeling like I have no idea who I am like who is the real me? My emotions are so crazy that I can't ever pinpoint what is a real emotion and what is a over reaction. I am so paranoid in my relationships with people to that it ends up pushing them away because they say I'm to difficult to be around or call me crazy. I have only 2 friends and I hardly ever speak to them because I don't trust anybody even when I have no reason not to trust them I just can't and I hate it. Everytime someone starts showing interest in me or wants to be friends all I think is yeah what do you really want. Its misreable thinking everyone is out to get me or has some kind of plan to mess with my head and I hate it. I hate not having control over these things. I also have no one to talk to because no one gets it I mean I don't even get myself. I'm constantly confused,angry,scared,sad,numb and feel alone even though I'm not alone. My moods switch so many times a day at any given moment and it just stresses me out. I don't know how to deal with any of it. I just want to find someone who can relate to what I go through on a daily basis so far I've had no luck at all. Mainly because I can't explain it to people you just don't get it and won't unless you also have bpd.

I know how you feel. Who are we really? What is the "real" us?
I was in your situation for quite a long time on and off with the anger, confusion and worrying. However everything then changed and now i attach to people rather than hate or feel anger. I can talk to a woman for a few minutes and immediately feel like i need to comfort them,
Love them, and make love to them.

BPD is muddled mix of emotions that we struggle to control or understand. With me it destroys relationships, because even if im happily in a relationship i still feel the desire for others.

We aren't alone and can get through it. We are here to help each other:)

Everytime someone starts showing interest in me or wants to be friends all I think is yeah what do you really want.

i think about others ,you do not care enough,you are fake or you are going to leave me, so being with you is same as being alone. there is no joy or connection just superficiality. also you do not seem to understand the void that i am feeling .
plus i think this is dangerous because the moment something makes me feel different than this i might get too attached because is the rare exception.

about the above message before me .i think i get detached instead of attaching .if i was very in love with someone i would not want others at all. but i might go with others or destroy it because i think he doesn't care though.