I hate myself. *T*

I am obsessed with a new woman.

I hate myself for it. My insecurities keep me from taking it further. I am convinced she actually doesn't like me at all. Ok we talked and she was nice and seemed interested in me. But last time we saw each other i was extremely cold towards her. Then i began talking to another woman in the vicinity. And i didn't talk to the woman i liked because.I don't even know why not. I keep sabotaging myself. I hate myself. I wanted to ask her about her phone number and make a date, but then i was so negative all the time and didn't even talk to her.

This is not how i feel about her. I want to be with her. But i can't. I just can't. I feel miserable and lonely and it is my fault and i know that.

I made a complete fool out of myself. Now i am thinking about her 24/7. I am thinking on how unattractive i am and i know that my low self-esteem makes me extremely ugly towards women and of course this one in particular. My behavior disgusts women. I am not worthy of their love. Or sex, for that matter. I am an idiot, and an asshole and i hate myself.

I think i am a stalker. People like me do not deserve anything. I want to die. I mean, how am i even going to go into therapy? "Hello i am a stalker. What can i do about it?" And then i get sent into prison. I am a dangerous person. I think i deserve to go to prison.

I see no way to ever get better. There is no room for people like me in therapy. I deserve to go to prison, i don't deserve therapy. Everybody hates me and it is my fault. It is what i deserve. I am unnerving everyone.

The worst thing is, i know this kind of talk and thinking is extremely unattractive to women. I told women these things, they walked away, or were scared of me.I can't stop. I wish i would just drop dead. No. I wish i would never have been born or that my parents would have aborted me or that i would have been killed somehow. I am a danger to women. The only way i can protect them is to kill myself.

You probably think i am crazy and don't want anything to with me. And you are right. I am crazy and it is normal to not want to have anything to do with me.

I think i am going to cut ties with everyone i know, i don't even deserve friends. I will just insult them until they hate me. Then i will go home and be even unhappier than before. That is what i deserve. And there must be justice.

I think i am only writing this because i want your attention. I am a stupid attention whore. I can't stop doing those bad things. Go on world. Hit me. Beat me with a stick. Kick me in the groin. Scream at me. I am a bad person. Do it.

although is true without confidence you self sabotage. most people would choose the more confident and daring.
i do the same. the more i like someone the more i think i do not deserve to be with him or self sabotage. but if i do not like him i am awesome.it feels like a curse where i can only be with people either that i do not like or that i do not deserve .
but someone can claim nons do that too in some extent,when they have a crush they act more stupid.

this is why i have this theory that if you find someone who feels the same you want him more, not less because you empathise. but is rare to find that. most people do not get you usually.
but the biggest problem also is that if you find someone with same thinking and self sabotaging then you have less chances to meet or stay friends etc because of both self sabotaging.
or this is also how often people with pds meet others with pds. when not aware.because they empathise in some extent,when others do not understand them.

This seems like the wrong place to be asking others to indulge your fetish. There are other sites for that.

In an effort to be a bit more constructive...

I think everyone here (including myself) has done things they deeply regret and wound up feeling like you do. It's good that you can recognize you've done something wrong and feel remorse. That shows your heart is in the right place.

There is some value in feeling bad after you've done something bad, but I'd caution you not to overdo it. Beating yourself up like this will only leave you weakened, depressed, and hopeless and, feeling that way, you're far more likely to do something destructive than you would be by focussing on the positive.

In other words, attempting to "punish" yourself too harshly for wrongdoing may put you in the way of repeating the bad behavior instead of deterring it. You get trapped in this cycle of self loathing and self destruction. I know that from personal experience.

So don't be too hard on yourself.

Ok thank you.