What do I do?

Me and my FP have a very complicated relationship. We have been best friends for about 4 years and been through quite a lot together. We both have mental illness (she suffers from AvPD) and have grown up with eachother so long that I sat through her as she was diagnosed with her mental illness and began to suffer and she sat with me as I began to suffer from what I have, BPD. Last year things got really bad between us. Lots of evil people manipulated me and took advantage of my problems and I acted out a lot with my best friend and she left my life. However last summer we resolved things and had amazing conversations and she always instated she would never leave me and understands how borderline affects me. Things were good until around April where she really hurt me and has been hurting me for months because she is very shy with me in public which makes me feel oppressed and not important. I reacted poorly to the hurt and spam texted her for days and she wasn't happy that I did that. We've been on and off good but recently she really hurt me again- or so I thought. I legitimately perceived her actions of just talking to other people as hating me and it bottled up for days where I cried everytime I saw her. I should also mention my emotional attachment to this person is extremely strong. I think we need space but she's hurting me because she won't respond to my texts where I ask for space or even the end (deep down I don't want this but the pain is killing me). Having the confirmation we are going to take space could really help me but she ignores my texts and it's making me even more clingy because I want her to acknowledge that we need a break so I can deal with my emotional attachment healthier. But she ignores me and it's killing me- I've been sad for days straight and I can't do anything at home, I just cry and sleep. Nothing is making me happy. My first appointment is in 20 days with a new psychiatrist but I feel like I can't wait. I don't want her to leave and I texted her saying you can end it, the pain is killing me and she ignores it. I just need help.