New here, just had a break up

Hello, I am new to this forum, and I guess I needed somewhere to express how I am feeling. So a few months ago I met a woman online (I'm a lesbian by the way so I am a woman to, not that that matters, just so people don't assume I'm a man lol) We started messaging over POF and then I gave her my number. I clearly stated I didn't want a relationship on my profile because I was struggling with anxiety issues and socializing. We started talking by whats app and we would talk all day everyday. She then admitted she liked me, and I did find myself attracted to her, but I was worried because of how I was mentally as well as I don't handle break ups to well, my last break up I was in and out of hospital/police being called because I kept getting angry after the break up. So I did explain this to her that I had mental health problems. But we did like each other so I thought maybe things would be different this time.

So we met up and got along very well and got very close to each other and she visisted quite a few times and then she asked me to be her girlfriend which I was happy about as I thought okay I am doing well emotionally at the moment. Then a few weeks ago she started to become distant and not talking as much, not saying she missed me or just didn't seem interested. I kept saying I missed her as the week before she was like I miss you, wish i could wake up with you everyday, can't wait to hold you all of that stuff. To then her saying Oh im not quite there yet? so she went from really being into me to just not being sure with no warning or I didn't do anything wrong..

She came to see me this weekend just gone and we was going to work on things as she kept saying her feelings were there some days more than ohters one minute she likes me the next she is numb. My friend went to pick her up from the train station and said to her that if she wasn't serious about being with me she should do the kind thing and break up with me, so she came over and thats what happened she ended it with me. We spent the weekend together where I cried for most of it, kept asking her not to do this, but she kept saying she doesnt know how she feels, her feelings come and go for me, she wants to be alone. I respect that maybe she couldn't handle a relastionship but in my head I feel like I must have done something wrong..when she left she was staring at me and was like sorry i keep staring I asked her why she did keep staring and she was like it doesnt matter..and then got in a taxi and left which left me more confused, does she like me, but just can't be with me. I think maybe she is suffering from depression as she kept saying she felt numb ect can that happen with depression can your feelings just be blocked off? and I am feeling so hurt because I did have feelings for her and I guess was doing the idealazation thing, thinking she is perfect when I know nobody is perfect, I am just confused at why it ended and needed to talk about it.

Sometime people get caught up in the thrill of falling in love, and then when it’s there that thrill wears off and they lose interest. It’s not good that this person went down this path when they knew how you felt about relationships, they really should have been 100% sure before asking you to get into a relationship with them, but on the plus side at least they did take what your friend said to heart and now knowing that they can’t commit 100% broke it off now.

I’m sure it doesn’t feel this way now, but it really is better that it ends now before you have a whole heap of history to add to the feelings you already have. Also if she is having issues that she’s not addressed yet, it’s probably a good thing not to get too involved with her as that may cause a whole other set of emotions that you’re probably not in a great place at the moment to deal with.

Take care.

Interesting when you say here feelings towards you were inconsistent or switching. Does she have her own issues I wonder?

Look after yourself

dtc_33 wrote:Sometime people get caught up in the thrill of falling in love, and then when it’s there that thrill wears off and they lose interest. It’s not good that this person went down this path when they knew how you felt about relationships, they really should have been 100% sure before asking you to get into a relationship with them, but on the plus side at least they did take what your friend said to heart and now knowing that they can’t commit 100% broke it off now.

I’m sure it doesn’t feel this way now, but it really is better that it ends now before you have a whole heap of history to add to the feelings you already have. Also if she is having issues that she’s not addressed yet, it’s probably a good thing not to get too involved with her as that may cause a whole other set of emotions that you’re probably not in a great place at the moment to deal with.

Take care.

Thank you for your input, you're right in what you say, that it was better she did it now then months down the line when more emotions would have been involved, even though I am still finding it hard, it would have been worse if she had left it for longer. I am upset that she did try and start a relationship knowing full well I explained I found them hard as I get very overly attached and I am waiting to start DBT which would hopefully help a lot with these things.

Merseamud wrote:Interesting when you say here feelings towards you were inconsistent or switching. Does she have her own issues I wonder?

Look after yourself

That's what I am thinking as she switched in a day, one minute everything was fine she was all over me, the next its like i didn't exsist, so maybe she has her own issues she hasn't wanted to share.

thank you