Borderline and PPD

Hello,
I am posting this here bc nobody answered in the other thread.. BOD is my dx so I will start here...
I am brand new to this forum. I've never been part of a forum before..
I am diagnosed BPD, but had a previous diagnosis of BP as a teenager. I am not currently in treatment due to lack of insurance/funds.
I am taking an SSRI currently.. my mother is providing me with half of her prescription because she does not take it. I am releuctant to take it, but I need some relief from my depression and anxiety.. and my horrendous mood swings.
This is all the more complicated because I am a new mom. I have a 5 month old baby girl who is perfect in every way. I love her to death, but I think I have PPD. What am I talking about, OF COURSE, I have PPD. I've dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life. Being a new parent has only exacerbated the pressure surrounding me.
My pregnancy was unplanned, and it happened during a very volatile time in my life. I started taking an antidepressant and I am convinced, though not psychiatrically confirmed, that it caused me to have a manic episode. I got several tattoos, had lots of promiscuous sex, had two abortions, and ended up destroying my personal relationships, and sabotaging my job. My life spiraled out of control, and when I found out I was pregnant again I was so deep in the throes of depression and isolation I clung to the pregnancy as my only light or sense of hope.
Now I'm on the other side, with this new baby, a partner who is open to, but not seriously understanding my thought processes. My mother is giving me her SSRI, like I said, and I am only taking t because I need some kind of relief. She basically thinks I need to suck it up and stop being dramatic. She is a source of a lot of insecurity for me, and my childhood trauma.

I don't want to ruin my little girl. I am terrified. I don't know if I need to just vent or find someone to be able to empathize with me.. or validate my feelings.. I'm trying to be so stoic, but it's so hard. Everything in me wats to flip out and do something drastic so people will understand what I have and am going through. The only thing keeping me stable (for appearances sake) is knowing that my actions affect my daughter.

I don't really know what my question is besides.. does anyone here have experience with BPD and postpartum depression? I cannot afford treatment.. what are some ways I can positively change my behavior and thought patterns so I don't harm my daughter?

Hey,

I posted a reply on your first identical post about this here

http://www.psychforums.com/post2033554.html#p2033554