I'm 55 and was just diagnosed with this disorder.

My wife and I have been married for nearly three years, and several times over the past year-and-a-half I've snapped at her under stress. I've been to several councillors over the years trying to figure out why I have such a low self-esteem and struggle with coping skills. But in the midst of all this obviously my wife is been hurt comma my marriage is in serious trouble, and although we just started seeing a marriage counselor and she says she still loves me, I'm 90% certain that she's leaving me. Her one and only daughter is getting married within three weeks, and the last heartfelt discussion my wife had nearly two weeks ago I asked her what she wanted from me. She stated I want 90 days. I asked 90 days? she said yes, I want 90 days of Separation, which by the way she moved out of the bedroom months ago into the spare room, and we haven't had an intimate encounter since January. Other than leaving the house altogether, I don't think you can get much more much more separated then that. Over the last few months I've been doing nothing more than working on myself and trying not to focus on my needs regarding her. I found a great book by dr. Joyce Meyers and titled living beyond your feelings. For what it's worth this thing has more nuggets in it than a gallon of moose tracks! And I've been able to put a lot of my feelings aside and put things into perspective. I was literally diagnosed yesterday and I've already found an adult DPD support group nearby along with this one. Any help would be appreciated my new friends thank you so much.

Hey Timmy,

I'd say you're in luck.

I think that because of everything you are going through, the change in lifestyle, going to help sessions where terrible things including divorces are commonly heard of, and being diagnosed with this disorder, that you might be assuming the worst about your wife. You are facing a psychological disorder and you assume that your wife will leave you for it? That's pessimistic to say the least.

Besides that, breaks and divorces are completely different. In my experience, breaks are meant to re-collaborate ones feelings. If she wanted to leave you, she would've just left, or at least said she would. You are luck as she probably wants to think about it first. Breaks are good, it gives you a chance to step back and contemplate.

I think you should do that about her as well. Would you really want to be with someone that would rather up and leave you instead of helping you with your disorder? Other than that, I believe in fate in that whether you stay with her or not is ultimately not in your hands, that's not to mean that no effort is needed from your part for the marriage to work, but that endlessly stressing over speculations will not do you any good, especially at your age.

Regards,

SoemthingElse

Hello.

It's a tough one. Whether or not you have permanently broken your marriage depends ultimately on your wife. I feel for you. I have been there many times and I wish I had had a diagnosis 40 years ago. I might have saved my marriage then and I've gone through 3 more (and many more relationships) and this one is only surviving because my wife is extraordinarily understanding.

I wish you all the best with your journey. Think of your wife. She needs to laugh again. If you can get there ..........

Thank you both for your insights, for what it's worth, I really do strive to remain consint and optamisic under the circumstances, and handling our marriage with kit gloves. Bringing us back to a lighter place has been my goal for sometime now, the frustrating part is the end result of initiating any given thing that my assist in getting us their. For instance, When she suggests something she'd like to do in the need future, I listen, and think to myself, cool, When I know have no other plans, I'll try to be spontaneous, however, I've learned over countless times of attempting to thoughtfull, the answer is always the same.....Maybe. and nothing ever comes of it. Regardless, I'll continue to give her the space she needs and keep trying.
Having just discovered the disorder actually have, I've been watching YouTube video's of like minded people, woman was speaking about how hard it must be for one's partner to have to deal with someone worth our needs. The harsh reality in my case is, as much as I love my wife she's admitted to being very non apathetic. My consumer quoted " I being somewhat of an ass when I say this, but your wife is basically saying I don't do windows & I don't do hugs, but you have to decide, is if this is going to be enough for you"
The thing is, I remember how things were before her menopausal state, and that's The women I miss. If that makes any sense.

Along with before my outbursts. Yeah... there are many dynamics going on here. Due to both of our conditions, are mood swings are both off-the-charts at times, we both absolutely love the home we live in, and as much as we love our dogs collectively, they are definitely his and hers. Neither of us want to abandon or split up any of this, and even if it did come down to that, neither of us are willing to leave, due to the existing threat of losing our givin investment. She feels trapped, and has stated, if it wasn't for us owning a house, one of us would have definitely already left. I guess I'll see what happens in 90 days.
Again I thank you for your advice.

Damn. Best of luck to you man. I heard the disorder gets better with age