confusion over two criteria I do not meet for BPD

Hello,
I am 45 years old, and I am brand new to this site and this board. I have been seeing a CBT psychologist therapist for approximately 8 or 9 months now I guess, and so far, she has diagnosed me with ADHD and Bipolar 2 with "some BPD symptoms", as she put it. I was also diagnosed BPD about 3 to 5 years ago (I have a bad memory) by my psychiatrist. I am in acceptance of this and not in denial, but I'm just a bit confused about me seeming to meet some BPD criteria, while NOT meeting two of what I feel are pretty key BPD traits (in my opinion, based on my research thus far). These two that I definitely do not meet are: 1.) cutting (I self-harm in other ways like nearly 30 years of drug and alcohol addiction, and internal diaglog of self-bullying, self-judgement, self-criticism, and insults directed from myself to myself), and 2.) I was not physically, sexually, or emotionally abused as a child, but I did experience emotional trauma and I believe I also MIGHT have a few suppressed (repressed??) traumatic memories, although I feel conflicted as to whether or not I even actually have them. I think I have noted one or two other criteria that I either do not meet, or it's a grey area and "if-y" as to whether or not I meet a certain criteria. At the moment, I cannot recall which criteria those are. I do seem to meet the other common/main criteria I have read about, and seen in various youtube videos. It's just really bothering me that I don't self cut (I did cut two or three times about 3 years ago I guess, and really didn't get it - I was quite underwhelmed and had no desire to ever do it again. I simply didn't get any satisfaction or feeling of relief from it, and I wondered how/why anyone did), nor did I experience any abuse. I do definitely relate to the wild impulsiveness, rejection and abandonment issues, revenge/punishment reactions to what I sometimes falsely perceive as others' hurting me, explosive rage meltdowns, explosive and intense emotions, explosive and intense and dramatic, rocky relationships, alcohol and drug and sex and porn and masturbation addiction, risky behavior including but not limited to sexual, poor regulation of strongly intense emotions, inner conflict, intense and powerful mood swings, falling in love too easily, rocky relationships, etc. I also have had only suicidal ideations and I find myself threatening suicide a lot, but no actual attempts or no intentional plans of suicide. When I do have ideations, it's more driven by desire to no longer experience life's pain, and less driven by the BPD revenge/punishment dynamic. I would simply never harm any of my friends or loved ones by killing myself. I actually choose to experience life's pain over hurting loved ones via suicide. It's just really bugging me that I don't meet those two aforementioned criteria - although I am very grateful that I don't meet them. Is this even possible to have some BPD traits, but not meet these two very key (from my perspective) criteria? I did have quite emotionally traumatic childhood and adolescent friendships in which I was either frequently emotionally traumatized or just outright abandoned and/or rejected. I am also quite paranoid, but I usually end up rethinking my paranoid delusions and talking myself out of said paranoia. Does this sound "normal" for my having BPD traits? Can someone NOT meet those two criteria and yet still have BPD or "some BPD traits"?

Hello, and welcome. I personally have never heard of cutting being a very key criteria in BPD before. I can count on my hands the times I've intentionally mutilated myself. I'm very sensitive to physical pain and do what I can to avoid it. I have occasionally hit my body when I was overwhelmed by intense emotions though, don't know if that counts.

I too was a drug addict, in my case for over a decade, and I loved it but had to stop because it was making me too ill.

I related a lot to your post, especially the rage meltdowns and revenge dynamics.

I don't see those two as important to the diagnosis tbh. I wasn't ever abused as a child in any way. In fact I was the golden child in my family.
I do mutilate myself, but I've gone over a year without doing so previously but I was still definitely 100% someone with bpd.

Honestly in my opinion I feel that the abandonment issues and the emotional dysregulation are the key symptoms, but again some people diagnosed with bpd don't even have those. As long as you have 5/9 of the symptoms it's a valid diagnosis as far as professionals are concerned.

Also welcome to the forum.

Oh okay, leiladream, got it. Thank you. Yes, I am beginning to sense that now in my further research etc. Awww, thank you so much for relating. Good to not feel so alone, ya know? I really appreciate your feedback.

anonbpder wrote:Oh okay, leiladream, got it. Thank you. Yes, I am beginning to sense that now in my further research etc. Awww, thank you so much for relating. Good to not feel so alone, ya know? I really appreciate your feedback.

No problem

Breytt wrote:I don't see those two as important to the diagnosis tbh. I wasn't ever abused as a child in any way. In fact I was the golden child in my family.
I do mutilate myself, but I've gone over a year without doing so previously but I was still definitely 100% someone with bpd.

Honestly in my opinion I feel that the abandonment issues and the emotional dysregulation are the key symptoms, but again some people diagnosed with bpd don't even have those. As long as you have 5/9 of the symptoms it's a valid diagnosis as far as professionals are concerned.

Also welcome to the forum.

Hi Brent, thank you so much! You both have helped me clear up a lot of confusion. Good to know I was mistaken about key symptoms. Breytt, I agree about those two symptoms being key in my opinion, or, at least they are among the key ones in my experience.

awww man, please pardon me. Breytt, I correct myself humbly. Sorry about that,
I was replying on my phone at the time which is acting a bit wonky. The cursor relocates itself on its own, crazy stuff like that. Not sure if it was that or a typo - I haven't mapped out in my head if a typo was possible lol. Trying not to be so obsessive. I also have ADHD (I think I stated above),
but who doesn't these days lol.

anonbpder wrote:

Breytt wrote:I don't see those two as important to the diagnosis tbh. I wasn't ever abused as a child in any way. In fact I was the golden child in my family.
I do mutilate myself, but I've gone over a year without doing so previously but I was still definitely 100% someone with bpd.

Honestly in my opinion I feel that the abandonment issues and the emotional dysregulation are the key symptoms, but again some people diagnosed with bpd don't even have those. As long as you have 5/9 of the symptoms it's a valid diagnosis as far as professionals are concerned.

Also welcome to the forum.

Hi Brent, thank you so much! You both have helped me clear up a lot of confusion. Good to know I was mistaken about key symptoms. Breytt, I agree about those two symptoms being key in my opinion, or, at least they are among the key ones in my experience.

I don't think that the two criteria are a biggie. 'Cutting' is most often a coping strategy rather than a harming one. I have never cut of felt any urge too but I do engage in other self harmful behaviour.

In terms of suffering abuse I think it's very important to realise that significant abuse isn't about what was or wasn't done but how significant whatever happened was to you. What I am trying to say is that what wouldn't be an issue for one child might have life changing consequences for another.