Help! Was My Ex Gf a Borderline??

[mod edit]

-- Sat Apr 08, 2017 8:19 pm --

So she ended up breaking up with me several more times. Probably about three times in total during a very short but extremely intense relationship which lasted about three months.

Each time we got back together. After the first time we broke up, she asked me if I wanted a monogamous relationship with her. I told her I did, but there was no point in me being exclusive with her if she was just going to break up with me any time she felt like to see other guys. That this isn't fair to me. Why should I be loyal to someone who just leaves me whenever she feels like, and over the stupidest of reasons? And I'm sorry but yes I understand that some women are a little sensitive about their men viewing porn but honestly to break up with someone just because he didn't throw out some old porn dvd's that he doesn't even watch any more is just crazy to me.

Her response was that I was the one at fault, because I was the one who would cause an argument and hurt her over a bunch of old porn that I didn't even watch any more.

Anyways, I have been going through some rough times. Because of this disaster of a chaotic relationship, and the constant breakups, I ended up going back to my ex for comfort. My current "gf" found out about it, called her, and flipped out. She broke up with me.

Now I'm 37, I have been around the block and this isn't my first relationship with a woman. So I know her behavior is a little out there. On the other hand I recognize that she's 22 and although she clearly has some major issues who of us after all does not?

My question now is this: how can I get her back? Is she indeed borderline like some have suggested to me and I should just run for the hills? I know this hasn't been the healthiest of relationships. But no relationship is perfect. I really do love her, despite all the craziness, and miss her like crazy. I have been feeling really down and depressed in the months since I last saw her and she dropped by just to pick up some of her things.

Btw, two weeks after she broke up with me she was already in Mexico having sex with another guy who lives in Italy, and I know from her instagram she has visited him in his city. She works as a flight attendant so she gets a lot of free airfare and time off to travel. What should I do here? Give up and move on? I'm very surprised to say that after almost three months since this breakup I find myself still pining for her, thinking about her, and missing her.

You need a therapist

iate wrote:You need a therapist

Probably every single person posting on these boards needs to see a therapist so your comment is not very helpful or insightful at all. Would you at least care to elaborate why?

A little bit of stalking and I can tell that 3 months ago you claimed you were no longer together with your ex (in fact, summing up, it gives half a year). So, 6 months later, roughly saying, and you still have an unhealthy obsession about her. That's at least 3rd topic you've created to ask things about her.

That's kind of creepy, don't you think?

Nobody here is able to diagnose any other user, not to mention their exes. It's quite "normal" and "healthy" that after such a long time one is able to move on. You seem no to. So, my point is - the relationship must have been so toxic and hurtful to you, that you can't let it go and live your own life. You're still obsessed about her. And since you're not able to forget her - try to get some professional help.

No that's incorrect, the break up occurred 2.5 months ago. I don't think it's creepy because I checked her Instagram one time LOL got hurt from viewing it, and have not viewed it since. And yes this is my second or third thread on her but as you can imagine I went through hell and back in this relationship so writing up two or three threads on a difficult relationship I went through isn't that creepy or bad.. it's just someone who is hurt and trying to be honest with his pain and attempting to process it all.. and seeking the opinions of other on this matter.

Where are you getting your information from? And I'm not asking anyone to diagnose her or prescribe her with medication lol I'm just asking on opinions from people here who have experience with BPD or who are borderlines themselves on whether they think her behaviour is normal or really crazy. Surely people can give opinions on this on an Internet forum devoted to such issues?

Anyways.. does anybody have thoughts or opinions on whether she might have been nuts?

By stalking I meant me stalking your activity here, on you stalking on her.
Anyway, my bad, I've made mistakes with the dates (I didn't realize that you were quoting somebody else, so yes, I wrongly assumed the break-up date). But anyway - it's still a lot of time, so I still stick to my previous post. Except for the time period ofc.

iate wrote:By stalking I meant me stalking your activity here, on you stalking on her.
Anyway, my bad, I've made mistakes with the dates (I didn't realize that you were quoting somebody else, so yes, I wrongly assumed the break-up date). But anyway - it's still a lot of time, so I still stick to my previous post. Except for the time period ofc.

I understand the point of your comment is that "it's been two months get over it" but the point here is that the vast majority of people who come here to post do so because they are just out of a relationship with someone they believe to be a toxic person and are looking for answers to what the heck just happened to them.

If everyone followed your lead, pretty much every single response to every single thread in this entire forum would be "it's been two months just get over it already." Not very helpful at all. I'm sure this isn't the type of lazy response and insight which you would hope to get if you came here for a problem which had a serious impact on your life and on how you felt. (An insight from you which also relied on incorrect information too btw.)

Anyways, please try not to detail the thread. I'm looking for some real quality insight from people who have been through this before on what they think the thought processes were of this girl, and whether they think it was normal or extremely abnormal. If you think I stayed too long please feel to tell me why. There were red flags early on, but things didn't get really bad till the last month.

Honestly this probably belongs more in the relationship forum or something.
I find your situation rather creepy. Although I have bias against guys who are MUCH older due to my past experiences in the same situation. Nothing good ever came out of the 40+ year old's I was with. If anything they had just as many problems as I have, and the women their own age seemed to just not go for them because they saw the red flags quicker. ah well

I'm also not seeing much bpd. Nothing that screams it as far as I'm concerned.

Haha the classic tango. The way you get super defensive back and forth in your threads and can't handle any feedback or opinions that don't just echo chamber what you think about this girl, just reinforces it.

Also this gem:

avoidatallcost wrote:the vast majority of people who come here to post do so because they are just out of a relationship with someone they believe to be a toxic person and are looking for answers

Actually, the vast majority of people who post in the BPD forum, are people who have BPD, and are discussing aspects of having BPD. Since it is a forum for people with BPD. Not a forum for butthurt narcissists to come here and bitch about their exes.

Our of morbid curiosity, what happens next if you get what you're after? Like let's say hypothetically, that we all pile into this thread and go, "Oh yes, she was definitely a borderline," and you become convinced of this, then what, as far as your thoughts/feelings on the matter?

mostlyghostly wrote:Haha the classic tango. The way you get super defensive back and forth in your threads and can't handle any feedback or opinions that don't just echo chamber what you think about this girl, just reinforces it.

Actually, the vast majority of people who post in the BPD forum, are people who have BPD, and are discussing aspects of having BPD. Since it is a forum for people with BPD. Not a forum for butthurt narcissists to come here and bitch about their exes.

So now you're going to argue about what the majority of people come here for? Seriously?

I'm not here to argue about bs. People are free to express their opinions of course, but I'm also just as free to state my opinion that their answers are lazy and unhelpful.

mostlyghostly wrote:Our of morbid curiosity, what happens next if you get what you're after? Like let's say hypothetically, that we all pile into this thread and go, "Oh yes, she was definitely a borderline," and you become convinced of this, then what, as far as your thoughts/feelings on the matter?

I don't know what I'm after. I'm still pretty confused. I mean deep down, I'm quite sure this young woman had some pretty serious mental problems. I'm also aware that I have issues too (as I"m sure we all do).

Why did I come here? I'm looking for insight from borderlines as well as people who are in/or have been in relationships with borderlines as to whether they think this woman's behavior was similar to BPD-like behavior they have encountered. I'm hoping such insight will help me process what happened so I can move on from this incredibly traumatic relationship.

What I'm looking for is honest in depth insight. I know many posters here can give that, even though some seem to prefer to argue about - well just about anything other than the topic at hand really. If you are going to give me lazy unhelpful answers that give me zero insight into this situation, such as "go to therapy" or "don't post here" than I have a right to state this not very helpful at all. I'm asking for room on this thread to be left for good, quality insight, if you're just going to post "why are you posting here" than please if this thread is not of any interest to you instead of posting here just go read another thread lol

-- Sat Apr 08, 2017 10:40 pm --

Breytt wrote:I'm also not seeing much bpd. Nothing that screams it as far as I'm concerned.

Are you serious? You don't see much BPD?

How about:

- her father abandoned her at a young age
- a history of extreme promiscuity
- a total lack of relationships, and when she does have relationships they are unstable, chaotic, short lived, and based pretty much on sex
- her constant breaking up and getting back together with me, push pull tactics
- starting arguments and break ups over seemingly minor issues (such as my ownership of a porn dvd)
- explosive anger, extreme emotional swings over minor issues (such as a porn dvd or nutrition label on a package of protein powder)
- silent treatments

Did you even read anything I wrote??