When is it time to switch therapist?

I ask because I'm wondering that now.

As I posted on here, my mom died three weeks ago, and I suffer from chronic loneliness, and yea I like to drink on the weekends.

My therapist is a strict adherent to DBT. When the session starts I toss her my diary card and then we talk about small group. I dislike my small group, I started it about a month ago and told her then I didn't like the group leader but according to her this guy is the only person that does DBT-SUD in that office. So she knows I don't want to be there, she knows I don't like the guy, so every session we start talking about how to make small group better and how to change my attitudes.

I think there are more important issues to talk about like say my moms sudden death, how to get me involved with groups so I feel less lonely on the weekends and less likely to drink, my reasons to drink etc.

But no, we talk about the small group leader for about 20 mins when we could be talking about activities to replace being in my apartment, or working on processing my moms death.

I'm frustrated now. I know I need to work on processing and finding new activities on the weekend. I would think small group would take a backseat to these more pressing concerns. But they don't.

So I'm thinking about switching. While I like my primary therapist, I'm just not sure our concerns align and its getting frustrating. She's getting annoyed with me because I refuse to embrace the small group leader and I'm getting annoyed with her because I don't she's focusing on the biggest issues.

We only have an hour a week to talk. Its not much time. I don't want to spend a third of that if not more talking about something I find to be a minor issue.

Edited:
I know I'm not the easiest client to work with. I have some classic BPD symptoms, one of those being pushback. I have a rebellious personality and am not inclined to do something someone suggests unless they can prove to me it'll work. Clinicians find that a challenge, I'm just trying to protect myself.

I also have a problem with black and white thinking, and I used to be all for trusting the process to switching now to is it right for me. And this came along because of my frustration with the direction of our work. I want to work on something different, I lose faith in her, the whole process is screwed time to cut and run

I'm bumping this because that wasn't a venting post, I'm really hoping to get some genuine opinions, impressions, thoughts, stories of someone's own experiences, whatever.

So I have decided to switch therapist. I know its the right decision, kind of sucks though, feels like I wasted time with this other person when I had a feeling I should've found a new primary sooner.

A patient should never feel coerced or manipulated into a care scenario, never, unless of course its an emergency then thats life.

Have you told the therapist you'd like to talk more about your mum and the weekend stuff? In my experience they're terrible at helping with practical things like that - "hey go for walks in your spare time!" But maybe that's me being stubborn. Apologies if you already said you've asked her, I'm a little pissed. I hope you can still work with her since you seem to get on with her but I understand you wanting to change therapists if you feel like you're not really getting anywhere.

Ubik wrote:Have you told the therapist you'd like to talk more about your mum and the weekend stuff? In my experience they're terrible at helping with practical things like that - "hey go for walks in your spare time!" But maybe that's me being stubborn. Apologies if you already said you've asked her, I'm a little pissed. I hope you can still work with her since you seem to get on with her but I understand you wanting to change therapists if you feel like you're not really getting anywhere.

I told her several times, in each session since, I'd like to talk about my mom. She hasn't. She seems intent on focusing on me working better in small group. She hears me says that then moves the conversation onto SUD or how I act in small group. I'm thinking processing my moms sudden death should take precedent over how I act in small group, but maybe thats me.

I've told her that I'd like to work on processing on several occasions, her response is she doesn't do processing and we continue to discuss whats on her agenda.

She does not trust me, anything I said is not taken at face value. I feel she as a certain image of me, a negative one at that, that I can not change.

She also demands obedience to her therapy and if I don't do exactly what she says or agree with her, I am being willful and difficult. She seems intent on trying to change that through bullying and coercion.

I just called her office and left a message. Things are to the point where I feel I can not accurately represent myself or have any say in my care. It will be done her way, my opinion, my wishes don't mean anything to her. Things will be done her way.

I feel with her I can only dig a deeper hole, anything I try to dig myself out only makes the hole deeper or is unnoticed.

Hopefully I can find a therapist who is processing based, but works within the DBT framework. Skills aren't my problem, processing is. Since I've worked with her my mental health has actually decreased due to the stress I have felt from our sessions.

I see. I know it can be frustrating when it feels like you're not really being listened to properly so I hope you're able to able to find who will take the time to help you through your grieving process and everything. Those sessions might be stressful at times but they shouldn't be detrimental to your health overall. Best of luck with finding a new therapist.

Ubik wrote:I see. I know it can be frustrating when it feels like you're not really being listened to properly so I hope you're able to able to find who will take the time to help you through your grieving process and everything. Those sessions might be stressful at times but they shouldn't be detrimental to your health overall. Best of luck with finding a new therapist.

Thank you.

I had a therapist back in Denver, wanted to fire her a few times, but things worked out well and my mental health progressed.

I know therapy isn't easy, if its done right anyway, but as we both know it shouldn't feel like a burden, like a punishment, a person shouldn't be dreading seeing their therapist, or if they are they're therapist should be able to ease their concerns in session.