Falling in love with almost anybody

So I was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago. Something I've struggled with strongly is my fear of abandonment the most. Relationships are where my problems arise from entirely. When I'm alone and not interested in anybody I'm not happy nor sad but I'm functioning and that's good, I'm focused on myself.

However falling "in love" is like a drug to me. If I'm interested in a guy and hes not into me it doesn't affect me, but if he does like me, and then it progressively goes downhill into me being obsessive (only in my own brain I don't express this to him) I'll think about him 24/7 and the more he expresses hes into me the more obsessive my feelings become. I get overwhelmingly happy and the world becomes this beautiful place, no drug or drink can recreate this amazing feeling.

These situations go two ways:
1. He'll eventually stop talking to me, move on, find someone else
From there I'll become extremely depressed, break down, I wont be able to do anything in my life besides sleep and cry. I would say i would feel lower than low, rock bottom and suicidal. It might take me a month or two to completely recover.

2. We'll get into a relationship
Everything will be good we'll be "in love" expressing intense love for each other, talking 24/7, going out doing things. Then slowly after time maybe 5-8 months I'll lose interest in him, he'll become dull, boring, a burden. Soon everything he does will bother me. Then I break it off and move on and he'll remain obsessive until finally he just stops making contact and leaves me alone. Then I'm left wondering why I was so obsessive to begin with and what did I ever see in him.

Both of these situations are so messed up. I seem like a terrible person but I don't know why I'm like this. It affects my life incredibly.
Right now I'm mutually "in love" with this guy. He says he's in love with me and I trust his feelings, he's far more mature and in control of his emotions. I also feel like I'm in love, truly, but I don't know if its real or not. It certainly feels real but I can't trust my emotions.

We normally talk every night and last night he was busy at work so he never called me, I was freaking out all night having panic attacks, thinking he was hurt, or that he'd never come back or talk to me again. I was genuinely wanting to go to his house. I don't like being this way. Not sure how to handle this anymore. I feel completely out of control. Does anyone else experience this to any degree?

You BPD's are confusing. I've noticed a lot of you tend to leave a path of broken hearts. If you realize what you're doing is wrong, then please consider getting help. Messing with someone's heart is so damaging. BPD's tend to lack true empathy, you are not able to feel what those guys feel. A month or two and you're back on your feet. Most non BPD's can take years to get over a broken, and rarely move on quickly like BPS"S. Are you also bouncing around from one relationship to another? Knowing your actions are damaging, why do you continue hurting others without getting help?

The one BPD I dated was very similar to you. She admitted to having a problem, but never got help. Instead, she continues seducing men, getting them to fall in love with her, then leaves them due to getting bored. Supposedly, I was her first "true love" even though she was engaged to a guy a couple years before. Told me I was her soul mate, the love of her life, wanted to marry me. Said I made her feel a type of love she never felt before. She lied so much that It became difficult to believe anything she said. Is it possible for you to feel true love? What has been your longest relationship? Either way, I hope on day you get the help you need and are able to have a normal emotional attachment to someone you love. Hopefully I don't sound rude as I wasn't tying to be.

nervoustiger wrote:You BPD's are confusing. I've noticed a lot of you tend to leave a path of broken hearts. If you realize what you're doing is wrong, then please consider getting help. Messing with someone's heart is so damaging. BPD's tend to lack true empathy, you are not able to feel what those guys feel. A month or two and you're back on your feet. Most non BPD's can take years to get over a broken, and rarely move on quickly like BPS"S. Are you also bouncing around from one relationship to another? Knowing your actions are damaging, why do you continue hurting others without getting help?

The one BPD I dated was very similar to you. She admitted to having a problem, but never got help. Instead, she continues seducing men, getting them to fall in love with her, then leaves them due to getting bored. Supposedly, I was her first "true love" even though she was engaged to a guy a couple years before. Told me I was her soul mate, the love of her life, wanted to marry me. Said I made her feel a type of love she never felt before. She lied so much that It became difficult to believe anything she said. Is it possible for you to feel true love? What has been your longest relationship? Either way, I hope on day you get the help you need and are able to have a normal emotional attachment to someone you love. Hopefully I don't sound rude as I wasn't tying to be.

You don't sound rude at all I understand where the frustration comes from. I realize that it's wrong, that its a terrible thing to do to somebody but I genuinely believe that it's real love. When I first started dating my relationships lasted a long time, up to 4 years one of them. It's just at the time I feel as though its true love, for instance right now with this guy I think its true love. I think I'm in love for real. There is no way of me knowing for certain though. I have no idea how to handle it anymore to be honest.

I'm not able to go to therapy at the moment in my life, just trying to handle myself in a more mature way but it's overwhelming.

I wonder if you are prone to sufffering from limerence? Look it up if you've not heard of it. I suffer from it myself.

This is scary to me so much. This is what I am afraid of and I want to leave others.exactly what you are doing.
I feel like bpd do to others, what others did to them.not on
purpose.
I do not know f I have it but if it makes others feel better, assuming I have it also,is a torture for me too.
Having a Pd is a life long torture to one self. Being the victim you will get over it and move on.
You think PDS get over it soon,what you do not see is that they never got over the hurt and abuse.

I do not justify their actions but I am able to see it from both opposite sides. And it doesn't help either that others want to hurt me. This is the reason I hurt others in the first place.
I haven't really abandoned someone, just talking in general.
The people I left weren't heart broken.

Also the first post is scarying me so much

so....i don't need to get you drunk to like me?