Does my friend have BPD? Confused and hurt.

Hi all,

Firstly I'm new to this forum and I'm sorry if this topic is in the wrong section.
I just need to vent and get this confusion and hurt of my chest as it's eating me up.

Six months ago I met this girl who worked in a shopping centre that I visit to carry out work.
I'm a 32 year old female and she is 23.

There was something abut her which really drew me to her. We had mutual friends on Facebook and we became friends our self. We sent a few messages back and forth on messenger as u do. I was in a same sex relationship and she was very much; in me eyes straight.

I asked if she wanted to catch up for coffee because straight away we really clicked. Liked the same stuff, laughed at the same stuff. etc etc.

She said she had no friends as she pushes people away. She opened up very early about wanting to die and how she is ugly. Her problems with her ex boyfriend and how she was mistreated.
Straight away u want to save her, u want to lift her up and protect her. Deep down I felt something wasn't right. Everyone stalks a fb profile when they become friends. I saw a lot of stuff that was quite the victim card, but put it down to her age.

I was with my partner at the time and she started asking questions bout sex with a woman and how she found me very attractive and that she wanted me to come over and see her. I told her I was flattered but I was in a relationship. She started sending nude photos right away and I was very taken back. I know as a grown woman I should've put a stop to it but my personal relationship with my then partner was on the rocks and it was nice to get the attention .

She wanted to see me as friends and said nothing would happen I wouldn't make a move on you.. but if I did would u push me away? I told her I wasn't a cheater. She said she couldn't be friends with me as she would be tempted then blocked me on messenger. I was a bit taken back but thought it was for the best. Then a few days later she unblocked me messaged me and spoke about all these guys that have done her wrong and how she sleeps with 3 guys in a day. After talking and giving her advice she wanted to meet up for a coffee as she had no one and that she pushes people away. She said you're a wonderful person and I never want to hurt u. She also spoke about suicide again and how lonely she was. I met up with her and we got along so well almost like I had known her for years and years. She told me she loved me and never wanted to loose me. I was very confused as I felt so attracted to her. My relationship with my partner ended. When I told my friend she said it was for the best. She didn't even know my partner but called her a bitch etc etc. I told her that it wasn't nice to speak ill of someone u didn't know. She said she didn't care. After having only known her for few weeks she insisted I go camping with her and her family. I couldn't due to work and she went cold and said u don't want me and I'll be all alone. She kept pressuring me to go even after I said I couldn't. After she had cooled down she spoke to me normally. Id see her at work and we would hang out. In the end she kissed me and we spent the night together. She said she was so happy and that I was her everything. Then it's like another person took over. She started acting different, I'd go into her work and her co workers would look at me and giggle. She would deliberately start fights with me on messenger and said I pushed her away and that she met a guy. Then she would block me on messenger. I was confused and hurt. I thought this girl has gone from being in love to hating me, wouldn't discuss things and the filth that came out of her mouth. Then she would unblock me and send me a message of something I loved and would block me again. I had no idea what I did wrong. Trying to talk to her as an adult was impossible. I felt crazy and I was left trying to figure out what I did.
After a month she started messaging me again like nothing had happened. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells in case I said the wrong thing. We caught up and it was like nothing happened. She went from being so cruel to so sweet. I asked her why she said what she said to me and she said she was joking and that she never said that.
She said we can only be friends and nothing like last time(meaning sex) I said I'm perfectly fine with that. She spoke of all these guys she was sleeping with, how she never used protection and how she blocks and lets guys chase her. Including one guy at her work. I should've seen the big neon sign flashing in my face. After the last episode of her blocking me and saying she wanted nothing to do with me anymore, i started looking for answers. I had never experienced this in my life.

She would look at people and call them ugly and fat and how she would kill herself if she ever looked like that. I tried to tell her that it was wrong to say that stuff and to ignore people like she does.
I mentioned I had a date and she said how happy she was for me. When she wanted to know all about the goss she went into a rage saying how broken hearted she was and that she does love me and only tells me she doesn't because that's what she wants me to think.
I'm thinking what the hell. Then proceeds to tell me she had sex with a guy and throws it all in my face when I tell her I do infact love her.

We hung out again and we slept together. she said she never wanted to loose me was in love with me and wanted to date me. Then I found out she was adding guys to her fb, sending nudes, sleeping with her ex and on the same day would sleep with me. She would block again and unblock or see my messages and not respond for days. The constant leave me alone. Her ex contacted me to see if I was okay as she would tell him that we weren't talking. We had met recently and had all hung out. He opened up about alot of stuff and things that didn't make sense suddenly did. She had lied about so much even owning her own home.

My x and I were still very good friends and I decided to go camping with her. This girl and I weren't even dating and had made it very clear I could do what I want. Even though she begged me to date her then the next day would change and say she didnt want a relationship with anyone. I was starting to get very confused and angry. When I told her I was go camping with my ex she changed. Saying u have her u dont need me and I'm going to work things out with my ex anyway ( the one who messaged me)
She ignored my messages, kept telling me to ###$ off over and over. I was hurt and so confused.
I went to see her in person to try and talk about what was wrong and she said I'm not ignoring u , u haven't done anything. I hugged her and said I will always protect you and be there for u. She did hold me tight. Then later that night continued to ignore me.
I sent her lovely messages, said U can talk about anything I will always listen. Then boom she said some hurtful stuff and I lost it. I called her out on all her behavior, how cruel she was. I even cried and it was like she had no empathy at all.
She said how much she hated me that I was crazy and swore and swore at me. The same girl who said she never wanted to loose me and I was the best friend she ever had.
I started doubting myself am I crazy what did I do. I swore at her yeah but i mean I snapped, she treated me so poorly and wont even admit to her behavior.
She said she hated me so much she wanted to killer herself and that she would slit her throat in front of me. Then proceed to ###$ off never message me again or I'll call the cops.

omg... i know this is long but I'm so emotionally broken. We had a great friendship we laughed so much and when we were together intimately it was like nothing on earth.

I need someone to tell me I'm not nuts... I have no idea if she is borderline or not but man.... I dunno i feel like a shell.
I have never in my life experienced something like this. It's like she is two different people. So loving then so cold. I can't reason with her and the hate she feels towards me

I would say most people would be reluctant to tell you if someone you know personally has this mental disorder. People can be sociopathic, histrionic or narcistic and have any number of disorders. By what you are saying, it is evident that your friend is not well if she is upset enough to speak of scuicide. My own BPD, I never spoke of scuicide until I thought someone was going to abandon me in my younger BPD years.
I would say rather than focus is diagnosing this person; she does seem quite manipulative and disrespectful to you since she has not made an honest effort to make amends. When people behave this way it is not your fault, and do not let them make you feel like it is. Not all BPD sufferers handle their feelings and need for attention this way, I markedly withdraw into quiet land; panic, reach out to my boyfriend and drive him crazy sound boarding my feelings... but when I'm around other people I am quite flat.
Regardless, you can't save people that do not want to save themselves. You can't make her see that her behavior is wrong, it does seem to me she acts in a way that gets her needs met regardless of how wild it looks or who it affects. It is sad to see, but someone who loves you will want you to take care of yourself and not them. It takes a long time to learn how to love with BPD making you selfish but it's certainly not the end of the world- if you get help. Attempting to make someone see their faults can induce rage, I would look at this woman as an old flame and take some time to yourself; there is better out there for you whether she has BPD or not.

It doesn't matter whether she's BPD or not. You can't have a relationship with such an unpredictable vacillating person. So better stop having anything to do with her for your own good.

Thank you, I know you're right. It's just something I've never experienced before.
The pain and confusion I feel is crazy. How can a person I have known for 6 months have such an affect on me. Venting is something I just needed to do. I hate the fact she called me a crazy ######6 bitch and goes cold. Yikes...