feeling like a different person (*TW?*)

Possible warning for talk about extreme mood swings and dissociation.

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Is is normal (as far as what 'normal' can be considered) to feel like a different person every time your mood changes and lose recollection of who you 'were' before your mood changed?

This is what is happening to me. I feel much older than I actually am. I don't really remember making the post I made last night, I only have a vague recollection of having made something here, mostly because I felt like I had to check the forums this morning.

I've had delusions before that I was Multiple, and I'm so scared that they're coming back. I don't want to be under the impression that I'm something that I'm not.

I feel empty and numb but I definitely feel like I am a new person. I was feeling something else when I woke up but I only have the vaguest recollection of waking up. Like, I know I woke up (obviously) because I'm at school now, and I know my parents were in the kitchen, and I ate a muffin for breakfast. But I don't remember any specifics and I certainly don't remember how I got here (obviously I had to have driven, because that's how I ((they???she???))always get here).

I'm so confused and I don't want to have this delusion again. I feel like I'm older. I literally feel like a new person. I don't know when I came up. It feels like someone's inside me. I'm at school and this is THE WORST time for this to happen, everything feels unfamiliar and new despite that I have a basic knowledge of where I am and who is around me. So, maybe I'm not new. But I feel very much older.

My question is, is this normal for a borderline or am I just having a delusion again?

"normal for a borderline"...I love that phrase! It's almost paradoxical!

To answer your question, I'm not sure. I only know of my own experiences in this aspect of the matter, so that's what I'll give you.

I find that I tend to emotionally dissociate, rather than logically. I still remember what I said and did, with some exceptions, but if I'm happy now, it's hard for me to recall that I may have been horribly depressed two hours earlier. My mind almost compartmentalizes my emotions to keep them from running over too much...if that makes any sense.

Provanity, you've been posting on the DID Forum so I think you already know what I am going to say here. These experiences are not typical of BPD. They are typical of DID.

Especially typical is the suddenly finding yourself somewhere and having no recall of how you got there. Even when you find yourself where you are supposed to be, the fact remains that you "came to". Meaning, you had an experience that feels subjectively as if you were suddenly and without warning teleported through time and space. That is typical of DID and only DID. Unless you are drunk, that is; alcohol can do that too.

I am not diagnosing you. I am saying the experiences you describe are familiar to me and many others who have a diagnosis of DID. And, for what it is worth I have never had a diagnosis of BPD, not even informally. I also do not relate to many of the stories shared here.

As others have said I cant diagnose you but I want to say about how mood effects memory.

I don't know how strong your moods are during this time but it can really effect your memory. For some memories you have to be in the same mood to recall them. I don't know if this is what your experiencing although it sounds more like your zoned out and not taking stuff in at the moment.

With memory though try recalling a happy time when your feeling sad and it will be patchy. The harder you try you will find your mood changing until eventually you can recall it clearly and you will also find you've cheered up.

Inversely if your happy and try and recall a sad memory you will find yourself getting sad. Its not so much a case of the memory cheers you up or saddens you. More a case of you have to change mood to recall it.