Is it ok to still be a bit materialistic & superficial?

When you are trying to let go of the idealized self and encourage more of your real self? I am pretty newly diagnosed with high functioning/quiet BPD. I don't really have rage unless I'm in a relationship or suicidal thoughts.

Anyway, so I'm focusing on trying to connect with my real self but somethings which i do I enjoy and still want to do. Like I dye my hair blonde, have acrylic nails and drive a beamer. The first two I do for myself mostly, I've avoided relationships for years because I don't want to cause anyone or myself anymore drama. The car I admit I like it cos its flashy. How far do I have to take this to be able to heal properly?

I'm waiting for therapy, so I'm getting all these ideas from books and the internet right now.

its important to be materialistic.

i was once discussing with colleagues in office. one of them asked me the purpose of my life. i said it's having a house, a motorbike, some savings.

then the colleague said, 'only materialistic stuff.'

then i said that only when the materialistic comforts are met, can we indulge in stuff like 'what's the purpose of life, morals, relations. etc.'

if your not materialistic it means your insulting your ability to earn money.

but i think the money should be earned by the person, instead of splurging on the husband's/wife's/parent's money.

if you like nailpolish or coloring the hair then its okay but maybe do it cause it makes you happy, dont do it cause you think it makes you happy and you want to convince yourself something.

like i once had a meal at an expensive restaurant and thought i'd enjoy it. got bored there and from that day onward, i'd eat at some roadside stall/eatery where i wasnt self conscious.

sure it is just dont be surprised if it's used against you

I don't see why you would have to get rid of those things, as they are part of life too and make you happy - if you can afford them - I love buying new skin care and makeup for myself and I love dying my hair black and I am not going to stop it. If you are doing these things for you and you enjoy them - why not?

Thanks everyone. I always thought I was pretty aware until I discovered I have BDP, now so many more things make sense and I'm shocked to see how much of my life I've been pretending to be something I'm not. Namely, a together person O.o When underneath I am insecure, indecisive and a bit of an emotional wreck. Although, to my credit I've always tried to self-improve infact fixing myself has been a life long obsession. I thought I'd improved a lot but what I'd really done was close the gap a bit between my real self and the idealized self. (Got thinner, got on top of my finances, a bit more confident etcc...) Now, I'm trying to actually BE myself rather than improve to an impossible standard. It's just trying to figure out what is the real me and what is this image I portray - is proving to be tricky.

@jaus tail you make a good point actually about material things. It's part of Maslows hierarchy of needs actually to feel secure. I guess its the superficial I need to be wary of here. And, yes I've done the posh restaurant thing too, much prefer a greasy spoon cafe too lol

@madjoe mmm yes, I suppose becoming a recluse has sheltered me with that >.<

@triplemoon18 Oh its good to hear you dye your hair and what not too. I'm getting myself terribly anxious about who I am now and why I do the things I do. I'm second guessing everything. I suppose its going to take a while to get my head around it all. I'll try and calm down. Thanks!

Honestly I used to dye my hair a lot, but then I decided one day that I'd just like to have my natural colour. I still have thoughts of dyeing it (I really want a darker brown hair right now), but I never really considered it trying to be something else. I did it because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having different coloured hair every couple months. It made me feel good to change it up. Nothing wrong with that.

I think you're right Breytt, if its coming from a good place (for self or to make us feel better) it's just an expression of self. A lot of normal folks do it afterall. I did start dying mine after my divorce but I think that was just wanting to feel like it was a new start type thing rather than to impress anyone. I've kept it up since because I like how it looks.

I guess that's the criteria I can measure things against... is this an expression of self or an expression to make an impression. Something like that. Gawd I overthink everything

Nothing is okey.
And everything is okey.

People make rules to control, the normal
once act upon them. Let's not even call
them normal, just unfortunate.

You could kill someone, i don't mind, might even help
but according to a lot of people, that is wrong.

They believe that we go somewhere when we die..
LOL, ofc we do, underground to rot.

I can only say this because, nothing will happen to
me. And you will gain inshight on that, people lay
rules but social rules as normal rules are only
there to be acted upon.

So no, it won't matter, atleast not for me.
- Aspd.

Munchh - I think you are just still coming to terms with having a BPD diagnosis - I found out last spring about my diagnoses at age 17. No one told me and I spent 25 years knowing there was something wrong with me and trying to figure it out by reading self help books the whole time. I am very functional on the surface too, just good at pretending I am normal and hiding the anxiety and depression.

I had a bit of a hard time with it too because it changes how you see yourself and then you wonder how far you have come and are you really having the proper perspective yet or are you just seeing it through BPD glasses?

I don't have rage very often either, but when I do it usually has to do with abandonment or being made to feel that I have done something wrong and am to blame. I do not like my relationships threatened at all, so of course that brings the worst in me. And when someone like my children or my boss really push at me that I have done something wrong, that makes me flip out in anger too. I can take blame if someone suggests it and I think about it and then come to the conclusion myself, but when someone keeps insisting that I was wrong and should know how wrong I am, that drives me nuts!

does annyone here know how fkt the econmie is (europ and american and ofc they will drag the hole world down except the development countries)