sexual relationship with partner

This is my first time posting anything, lately as a person struggling with getting on a handle on my bpd I have noticed a lack in my comfort to initiate sex with my boyfriend. In the past I have never had this problem. I am just wondering if anyone can possibly relate to this? at most we have sex maybe once a week, sometimes we can go weeks without having sex. I have expressed to him that for some reason lately initiating sex has been a problem for me and still, it seems to have changed nothing. My thoughts are maybe if he would make a little more of an effort I would help me gain more confidence again?? He has told me tat he feels pressured to initiate it and that causes a problem for his arousal (which I understand but it really sucks to hear) I guess I'm just curious if anyone has any advice as a partner with bpd or a partner of a person with bpd.

It is very possible that it has nothing to do with your BPD. Sexual problems are experienced by majority of people (really, I don't know anyone who has never had any issues in such matter). Not only the ones with mental issues.

If you've never had such troubles then, I'd say, the reason may lay in your relationship and communication with BF.

iate wrote:It is very possible that it has nothing to do with your BPD. Sexual problems are experienced by majority of people (really, I don't know anyone who has never had any issues in such matter). Not only the ones with mental issues.

If you've never had such troubles then, I'd say, the reason may lay in your relationship and communication with BF.

Well, we never had this trouble in the beginning and as for my thinking it has to do with my BPD , and not so much just a regular problem because instead of being ok when he doesn't want to have sex I take it personally and feel that he doesn't think I'm sexy, or that he doesn't want me, or that he's going to leave, or I get paranoid and think he's doing it with someone else even though we spend practically all our time together. We are both taking steps to better our relationship, because my BPD has cause quite the problem and he's not used to adjusting his reactions to patience and compassion rather than anger and shutting off when I have a freak out for no good reason, or for a reason that he doesn't understand. I guess it's possible I'm just trying to blame it on my disorder...but it's just weird. I find him sexy and I want to have sex but any time I try to initiate I get so froze up because I'm afraid of getting rejected.

Cassahal, yes I can totally understand about you worrying about being rejected by him. Are you affectionate outside of the bedroom? Does he pay you compliments so you feel attractive you him? Has he ever rejected you before? These problems do have to be talked to with your spouse because it is only the two of you that can fix them. Sex is a normal part of a healthy relationship and someone has to initiate it first.

If you were to light candles and dress sexily, would it just naturally evolve into having sex? Of do you make out on the couch or somewhere that is not the bedroom? Can you go on a date cuz sometimes the closeness of that helps too? Also if he is trying really hard to be patient and kind about your BPD, maybe he is afraid of initiating because he might piss you off or maybe he wants you to initiate because he is feeling that he is doing a lot of work towards your relationship and he would like you to show him that you desire/want him?

Hey cassahall I have this exact same problem and I'm pretty sure it's connected to my BPD. I panic if my wife doesn't want sex, I assume it's because she doesn't love me anymore etc.

It's my case it's tangled up with my OCD in that I nag her to have sex once a week as I am convinced we will break up otherwise, and this has become a pretty bad situation where we both dread sex.

Like you, I'm afraid to initiate it because of the fear of rejection. Last weekend I tried but she basically told me to go sassy and I then cried for ages.

I wish I could give advice but I haven't managed to solve this problem for myself yet.

Tbh, I don't really have a libido most of the time. When I do though, and my partner doesn't want it or when he stops halfway through because for whatever reason he's thinking of something else suddenly.. yeah, that really upsets me. To the point where I feel pissed off and ignore him. I think someone without bpd may be a little more understanding and not react so badly, but I have bpd and it's really upsetting. I do think he finds me ugly, disgusting, fat, and wishes I was someone else when it happens. I've even had thoughts of him getting it elsewhere when he doesn't even try to initiate it.

A huge part of me would be happy without sex though, but I wouldn't be happy with him not trying to get it. It's really messed up.

this thing happened to me too. i used to have lots of sex even if i was depressed even if i was angry or happy. but now i feel like my body and mind won't let me. my bf always initiates and sometimes i feel a lot of pressure on myself. i started to feel rally really insecure about sex, i can't think sexy and i can't be sexy anymore. i think that if i would dress up i would make a fool of myself. i am overthinking this too much and i think that there's the problem. so in my case, it has all to do with bpd and all insecurities and bad thoughts this disorder brings.. but it could also be your meds, some are known for lowering the libido

I'm not on any meds, I got way too attached to xanax and the citalopram(I think that's what it was) made me feel completely not myself in a good way. I tried it for about 5 years. But that's the thing, I want sex. He knows I want sex. And for some reason it's just a block, I freeze up and I literally feel like I can't initiate it. And we've talked about it, but I feel like I'm beating a dead horse or being annoying or pressuring him by trying to bring it up again. I self manage, and I'm very self aware of my BPD and he is a lot better at recognizing when I'm about to have a full on episode. I just don't know what is triggering this, it's been the last 7 months we've been dating, we've been seeing each other almost a year and 7 months though. And during that year, everything seemed normal and fine. I feel like I am so awful at relationships. I guess that's kind of the thing about BPD though. Even though my libido is normal, I have this weird wall blocking me:( I have an appointment with my new doctor though about my anxiety and I know he's going to try to put me on meds but I think I'm gonna suggest getting my weed card, I've heard there's so many options now to actually help you mentally, the other night I was on the verge of an episode on my boyfriends birthday and I had a tiny bite of an edible to see what would happen and it completely calmed me down, I even felt sexy and normal ( granted I'd been drinking which always helps) and that was one of the best nights we've had in a while with absolutely no fight even with me having a couple small episodes.