Friendship issues

I'm having problems with my best friend, who is also my favourite person. If she's not paying me attention all the time, I feel like she doesn't care and is annoyed with me. I feel jealous over her interactions with other friends. I have this with other people to an extent but it's worse with her.

Recent examples (my friend is 'A'):

We have a mutual friend who has been physically ill a lot this year and posted a photo of herself in hospital on Facebook. 'A' commented 'Love You'. Soon afterwards I shared a post about how 'mental illness is part of my life' and she didn't comment on or even like it. Also, when I first told her I loved her she said no friend had ever said that to her before and she had never said it before either. Now she's telling this other friend she loves her. Every time I think about this situation I feel angry.

I had a mental health assessment this morning. 'A' hasn't texted me all day. I can see it's probably because I said yesterday I would ring her tomorrow to let her know how it went. But I was expecting her to text today just to say she hope it went well. And/or text me before to wish me luck. Because she did neither, I feel she doesn't care. Yet I know when I talk to her tomorrow she'll be caring and i'lol feel like she's the best person in the world.

I know this kind of thing is common in BPD, but how do I overcome it? Part of me can see the logical side and I feel like some of what I have written above is childish, but the thoughts that she's mad at me or doesn't care etc seem so real when things like this happen.

Hi kah80

I am a new member as of right now, but I had to give you a reply because I could have written this my self. I understand exactly how you feel.
For me, I understand that feelings like these are "too much". I know that I expect too much from my best friend, and right now I dont even knoe if we are best friends anymore. I want my best friend to care for me so much that I am his no 1 priority. This is not fair and even though I know this, I feel it so deeply. I feel so much, and get jealous so hard. Once he said " I love you" to one of our mutual friends, and I had to go for a walk I was so jealous.

I dont know how to deal with it, but it sometimes help to do just that - go for a walk, or even colour! If start thinking "its ok that we are not best friends - he will miss me some day" - that kind of helps. If I sort of step out of the situation, and breathe, it goes away a little bit. The more I try to "convince" him that he and I are the best of friends, it makes it worse. I cannot make anyone want to be my best friend (though hurting my self in different ways feels like a way to make this happen).

Creating distance sometimes makes him "come back". Sometimes I get really sad by it (right now I am struggling with the feeling of him not wanting to be my friend).

I hope this makes some sense to you, or at least gives you some comfort? I dont know what to do my self, but it helps to read here that I am not alone in this.

Shakespeare said, "There is nothing either good or bad. Thinking makes it so". Our thoughts can do wonders as well as play havoc with our lives. We must always make allowances. Our thoughts need not be 100% right. Your favourite person need not have the same thoughts as you. It's not necessary that she must like everything you say or write on facebook. As far as the words "I love you" are concerned, they can mean anything from nothing to everything depending on how sincere they are. My wife has never told me those words in the 25 years of our married life. I asked her why and she said - "Do you want me to love you or just say those words?" I said I preferred the former. Avoid becoming dependent on your favourite person. No one likes to carry a weight. I know it's not your fault - BPD makes you so, but by avoiding negative thoughts no matter how real they may seem will go a long way in overcoming it. Just be patient. Your favourite person has other things to do than constantly think about you. You may be dependent on her but she is not dependent on you. So the relationship is not symmetrical. You must make allowance for the asymmetry. Well, those are my personal thoughts.

I feel your frustration. I hate when nons reciprocate (making you think things are "ok") then scream about boundaries (or worse, pull away). It sucks and is very invalidating. Have you tried talking to her? Maybe there is other stuff going on? I had this issue with a friend and we were able to work out a compromise (I.e: certain agreed upon times to talk). It worked and we never fought again (going on 5 years now) so with an understanding person it is possible.

Thank you for everyone's replies. I will try and put some of that into practice.

My friend is very understanding and knows why I do these things and sometimes I am ok with her going to do something else and other times I feel terrible about it and make myself upset thinking she doesn't care.