I feel lonely at work

I have been working for the same boss for 9.5 years and I feel really trapped in my job. I used to work for just one lawyer and we shared office space together and the work was super interesting and I had a lot of fun. We changed locations and now I have 4 lawyers all around me and I am the one sitting in reception They all end up having lunches together often and I feel left out - even though logically I know I would be bored sitting there talking law all through lunch.

I was excited when two new female lawyers came in the last year because they were young and friendly at first, but now mostly they lock themselves in their own office and I see them only when I tell them they have a client.

I feel stuck here because I promised myself I would stay with my boss until she retires (she is 73 and could not run her busy law practice without me), but sometimes I want to run from this boring and lonely job. The only conversations I have are pretty much someone saying Hi and how are you and it makes for a really long day.

Even if I wanted to get another job, in this small legal community I would not be able to get one because no one would steal me from my boss (she is very well known). I wouldn't even have anyone to give me a reference because this was my first law clerk job after school and no one would want me leaving my elderly boss.

I cannot wait to go home to my fiance and my daughters because they actually talk to me and I am happy there. But spending 40 hours here a week isn't fun either. I am so tired of going to the library or park to read at lunch.

if ur work load is less, then maybe you can do some online course. like study through the internet and get some degree.
or maybe learn a new language.

i tried to get social with my colleagues but it was exhausting. whenever i went with them for lunch i would wait for our meals to get over so i could get away.

i guess no one gets 100% job satisfaction and there are other sources of joy. but yeah sitting at office all day with no one to talk with is super difficult.

hope this doesnt offend you. intended to humor...
maybe you can initiate a conversation. like just gate crash into their offices, sit on their tables, play with the pen holder, and say, 'hey bestie, watcha doin...'

Thanks for responding to my post - it did help me to know someone was listening to my rant. I did find it funny to picture me gate crashing their offices and you are right that most people do not get total job satisfaction.

I am hoping this week is better for me - I realized that my whole work week was being ruined by my attending counselling on Thursday evenings - I would dread going to the sessions and I was hyper sensitive at work all day - the noise of all of the lawyers and clients was really setting me on edge and having to be polite saying "Do you have an appointment. Oh yes let me get them for you"

I have quit the dreaded counselling after 4 months and hope to get back to being mostly functional and happy.

Hypersensitivity would bother me as well. With me i'd get angry or upset very quickly.
Rehearsing helps. Like if i had to speak with my boss or a colleague, i would rehearse the conversation in my mind. at times write it down, n then approach the boss. so i know what i have to say...

exercise helps me a lot. jogging helps calm my mind. maybe you can do that as well.

maybe listen to meditation music to calm the mind from all the noise.

hope this doesnt offend you, intended to humor
to add fun to work, when you tell 'do you have an appointment? let me get them for you.'
you can speak in an accent like feign a british one

Oh that is too funny - I laughed at my desk picturing me doing that - the British accent - I do stuff like that at home, but in our law office, I don't think they would be too happy with me.

The hypersensitivity for me means that the noises and smells around me are overwhelming - really stinky or really loud. I am not able to block out the noises because I am in reception and I can't be wearing ear plugs or listening to music if I am the first person to greet people.

Thanks for your kind words of support.

maybe you could wear ear plugs or cotton plugs. if anyone asks, say you have an ear infection.
how about put a funny calendar in the reception desk, one that has quotes like:
silence is golden
the quieter you become the more you can hear
silence is the ultimate weapon of power

or maybe its just one of the things that'd remain as a con of ur job. i guess its okay.

maybe you can secretly read comics books in the desk when no one is watching. i'd do that at my work place.

but i suggest taking an online course would be a great option. like if you have ample free time, maybe take an online course on finance or on weekends learn swimming or learn a language on duolingo...

The online course I don't really need - I actually have to do my job here filing, writing up documents, preparing files, sending stuff to the courthouse, meeting with clients. I am just having a difficult time the last couple of weeks because of the hypersensitivity - I am having a hard time concentrating because of all of the negative distractions.

negative distractions can provoke us or make us upset. i'd feel guilty if i saw my colleagues fighting and it's like i wanted to bring peace between them.

maybe just think of them as distraction and nothing more. like a buzzing fly. we cant do much about the fly. let it buzz and be indifferent.
easier said than done though...

How about getting into a good book? I always feel agitated now when people try to join me for lunch, as it takes away my precious alone reading time that I struggle to find otherwise haha.

But I totally get that horrible feeling of feeling left out. It's a crap thing to deal with.

Psycho Delica - yes I do know the pleasures of a great book! - usually I hide at the library to read on my lunch hours - I just wish I could read throughout the day to make it more interesting - no one really has any real conversations here - just stuff to do with law work