Jealousy

I can't live with this jealousy man.... I'll give you an awful example of how I think:

So some dude at work shaves his head for cancer research, right? Like a fundraising thing. I can't help but think he's done the entire thing to make himself look like this really good guy, that his true motives are selfish. I do this all the time, I envy people and I can't comprehend that they could do certain things solely for good reasons, because I know I'm selfish and they must be too.

Ring any bells? It's like a vicious circle of hatred, envy and confusion.

I feel the same way when I see people doing 'good' things, that they are doing it just so they can appear better than other people (or me), even if just in their own eyes.

I honestly don't believe people would be kind to each other out of empathy or sympathy. People don't really care that much about other people, they are more focused on their own lives and feelings. If it were any different, my childhood would not have been as miserable, because somebody would try to reach out eventually. But the truth is that people don't care about neglected or abused children, or other people in need, if there is nothing they can gain.

i wanted to write this in another thread together with something else but i got completely indecisive and didn't post it. i thought to post just the part about jealousy here.
(to me disordered people hurt me because they were completely egotistical(even without realising it) but no nons ever loved me either or help me ,so ###$ nons and ###$ disordered people ,to me they are all the same. like both hurt me the same in relationships etc)

the covert npd i knew. i think she was in pain when i talk about jealousy .i was seeing her obsessing with envy when i didn't care ,and others didn't care and she seemed like she suffered,envy is a torture to have imo. without it you feel better.she didn't do much harm to those who envy ,except gossip etc . i feel she tortured more herself with that feeling.(and her family, than others that didn't depend on her wouldn't give a $#%^) i feel sad when i do not have something even jealous but i do not envy . and i know envy is more torture than what i feel usually and also makes you more annoying as a person to others.

i do not feel envy. and when i do feel or i am jealous because i an human i try to stop it because i know is stupid and useless feeling. i usually want to hurt someone because he hurt me and not because he has something i do not.like i think i would avoid someone that has something i do not because why would he want me? but if he loves me i would stop avoiding him. and wouldn't matter what he has more as long as he loves me.

like i think hate and discrimination cause is not the difference in people. but the hate your feel in your heart. if you do not feel this you do not care about others being different. like i do not care for example

I'll respond to the coherent post.

I'm glad it isn't just me, I've been trying to figure the world out over the past few years and I think basically you either care about others more than yourself, or you care more about yourself. To me, the majority are in the latter group. To prove this, I ask myself, "which people would take a bullet for their friends and family?" and the answer is often very few people.

MuddyWaters wrote:I can't live with this jealousy man.... I'll give you an awful example of how I think:

So some dude at work shaves his head for cancer research, right? Like a fundraising thing. I can't help but think he's done the entire thing to make himself look like this really good guy, that his true motives are selfish. I do this all the time, I envy people and I can't comprehend that they could do certain things solely for good reasons, because I know I'm selfish and they must be too.

Ring any bells? It's like a vicious circle of hatred, envy and confusion.

I think for me jealousy almost always manifests in romantic jealousy, and I don't mean I am in a relationship with the guy. It could just be a friend I really like. But I understand the feeling of jealousy, that something is being taken AWAY from you. As if a part of your self-worth or "goodness" is being stripped and given to another person. Even thought it's not actually like that...but I too have trouble dealing with it because if she is clearly the girl he loves, no matter how much he ######6 tells me I am "lovable" it doesn't mean $#%^. He doesn't love ME. Why do people even think throwing that $#%^ at me will make me feel better?

On the other hand, it's helpful to remind yourself that it's not about you. And no emotion is wrong or ugly, including jealousy. People aren't trying to hurt you, or make you look bad, they are just acting for themselves...I don't mean that in a "everyone is selfish" way, but that people don't have negative intent. And we are not entitled to their love as we might have as children felt were, from our parents.

Katy9591 wrote:

MuddyWaters wrote:I can't live with this jealousy man.... I'll give you an awful example of how I think:

So some dude at work shaves his head for cancer research, right? Like a fundraising thing. I can't help but think he's done the entire thing to make himself look like this really good guy, that his true motives are selfish. I do this all the time, I envy people and I can't comprehend that they could do certain things solely for good reasons, because I know I'm selfish and they must be too.

Ring any bells? It's like a vicious circle of hatred, envy and confusion.

I think for me jealousy almost always manifests in romantic jealousy, and I don't mean I am in a relationship with the guy. It could just be a friend I really like. But I understand the feeling of jealousy, that something is being taken AWAY from you. As if a part of your self-worth or "goodness" is being stripped and given to another person. Even thought it's not actually like that...but I too have trouble dealing with it because if she is clearly the girl he loves, no matter how much he ######6 tells me I am "lovable" it doesn't mean $#%^. He doesn't love ME. Why do people even think throwing that $#%^ at me will make me feel better?

On the other hand, it's helpful to remind yourself that it's not about you. And no emotion is wrong or ugly, including jealousy. People aren't trying to hurt you, or make you look bad, they are just acting for themselves...I don't mean that in a "everyone is selfish" way, but that people don't have negative intent. And we are not entitled to their love as we might have as children felt were, from our parents.

Spot on.

Katy9591 wrote:

MuddyWaters wrote:I can't live with this jealousy man.... I'll give you an awful example of how I think:

So some dude at work shaves his head for cancer research, right? Like a fundraising thing. I can't help but think he's done the entire thing to make himself look like this really good guy, that his true motives are selfish. I do this all the time, I envy people and I can't comprehend that they could do certain things solely for good reasons, because I know I'm selfish and they must be too.

Ring any bells? It's like a vicious circle of hatred, envy and confusion.

I think for me jealousy almost always manifests in romantic jealousy, and I don't mean I am in a relationship with the guy. It could just be a friend I really like. But I understand the feeling of jealousy, that something is being taken AWAY from you. As if a part of your self-worth or "goodness" is being stripped and given to another person. Even thought it's not actually like that...but I too have trouble dealing with it because if she is clearly the girl he loves, no matter how much he ######6 tells me I am "lovable" it doesn't mean $#%^. He doesn't love ME. Why do people even think throwing that $#%^ at me will make me feel better?

On the other hand, it's helpful to remind yourself that it's not about you. And no emotion is wrong or ugly, including jealousy. People aren't trying to hurt you, or make you look bad, they are just acting for themselves...I don't mean that in a "everyone is selfish" way, but that people don't have negative intent. And we are not entitled to their love as we might have as children felt were, from our parents.

To me they do have negative intent. It's odd, I'm both utterly aware I'm being paranoid, but completely incapable of not thinking that way.

i have the problem when i am not someones top favorite person i feel like he is a stranger and i do not want him. i keep him but i do not like him as friend that much.
but i do not feel it as jealousy.i feel it as they are not enough there and for me mediocre feels like nothing.
i realise now that i am probably absurd and keep contact but deep down i hate them.like i do not like them.they feel like strangers.
i thought real love is when you care about someone as much as yourself.you do not let that other person hurt you but you are happy with his happiness.i am sure the general population lacks empathy and are completely egotistical and i want to be one because is the only way to not get hurt.
i mean i want love. but i find that it doesn’t exist. and i hate people .i am in a bad mood

Who does not want to be a well-liked person? We all do deep inside.

What I can feel sometimes is that when other people get all affection & I am left out I get frustrated. It feels like the other person is more valuable than me & my self esteem drops to low levels. If I spend time to write messages and do not get answers I feel worthless.

Are you sure you feel jealousy, in the example that you gave?
From what you said and how you described everything, it sounds more like you just think he's a massive twat and feel irritated by him. And that's probably how I would feel in that situation, but not jealous, (although I do experience very intense jealousy in other circumstances).

Whenever I see someone do something "for charity" which is very visible, very attention-grabby, I absolutely think they're doing it to show off what a great person they are. The most intelligent people I know go about charity in extremely different ways.