BPD Boyfriend with high blood pressure.

Hi

I've been with my BPD boyfriend for almost 4 years. We've lived together for 3 1/2. Everything was going well until earlier this year. Very little fighting, getting along great etc. In fact we didn't know he was BPD until he started being unsatisfied with me and started idealizing his ex fiance that he broke up with shortly before we got together.

He says there is nothing wrong with me but he feels trapped with no way out, that BPDs always need a way out even if things are ok. Let me add right here that his ex was also BPD and they were constantly breaking up and getting back together again.

He complains that we don't do enough together and I'm not wild enough in bed. This is all news to me, though he does talk about the great sex he had with his ex a lot.

Anyway now that he is feeling trapped he's been having blood pressure issues and he was put on 3 different meds. He doesn't really want to break up yet either. We have vacation coming up in December and he wants to see if that makes him feel different.

I guess my question is what do I do, I don't want him to have health issues because of me. I plan on staying until he gets tired of me and wants me out. I still very much love him and I do the cleaning, cooking and watch the kids. But it makes me feel like crap in the mean time. He's even suggested breaking up and dating more people to try to figure out what he wants in life.

He is 39 and I'm 44 and both divorced so we are not exactly kids trying to find our way in life. Any comments or advice is appreciated.

Thanks!

Has he been diagnosed with BPD by a professional? Do you have proof of it, if he claims he has? Like do you know which professional, etc? Or did the two of you just conclude that he must have BPD because (reasons)? The reason I ask is because what you describe doesn't sound like typical BPD behavior.

However, it does sound like he goes out of his way to try to make you feel insecure in the relationship, which is common for people with NPD traits. There also seems to be a heavy emphasis on how he feels, what he wants, etc without any regard for how his words are affecting you or making you feel, or for example no emphasis on how HE could make things better in the bedroom for YOU, etc which is also common for someone with NPD traits, it's very one-sided. People with NPD traits / dysfunctions tend to suck at genuine communication and be very immature and self-centered. Instead of thinking, "I will try to make things more enjoyable for my partner in bed and encourage them to explore our sexuality together in a loving, fun way," they think more like, "I will try to make my partner feel like insecure garbage by comparing them to others, complaining and never giving a ###$ what their experience in the bedroom is like."

Then comments like, "I don't want him to have health issues because of me," indicate that you are trying to take responsibility for something that is 100% HIS responsibility, which gives a whiff of you possibly having some dysfunctional thinking of your own.

My advice would be to see a therapist you feel comfortable with if you can afford it. They can help you work out what you are okay with and what you are not, what is healthy for you and your kids, etc.