Unstable perceptions = splitting?

I'm just wondering if others here relate to this.

I seem to vacillate between feeling like I've been chronically mistreated by my family and others my whole life, and then I go to the opposite extreme and then feel guilty for ever thinking anything bad of them.

I've been in a hypomanic mood for quite awhile so maybe this is just part of it, or feeding into it because I'm feeling unusually happy and cheerful and energetic. Today suddenly I started feeling extremely grateful to my family and now I think I've been incredibly "spoiled" etc. and they have been actually too good to me (better than I deserved), as opposed to the opposite. I want to call everyone and apologise for ever thinking any negative thought about them.

I can't tell which is true. Was I mistreated, or am I the bad one for ever thinking that?

I guess this is part of splitting...black/white thinking. The reality is probably somewhere in the middle.

MotherRussia wrote:I'm just wondering if others here relate to this.

I seem to vacillate between feeling like I've been chronically mistreated by my family and others my whole life, and then I go to the opposite extreme and then feel guilty for ever thinking anything bad of them.

I can't tell which is true. Was I mistreated, or am I the bad one for ever thinking that?

Me too. I actually think that's just part of being human.

exactly this is so relatable. but if there was nothing wrong why do i feel fear or apathy.why do i want to die. does everyone feels like this. is it normal.it seems like everyone does and feels the same as me.is normal.
my dad is like exact description of npd wiki etc, like they know him. the first time i read it i was shocked how is this possible. and still i doubt everything and blame me,and i am an awful person for saying bad things about him .but i really need to talk about these things. they never let me do it . the blame shifting.i have proof because he went to jail. so there must be something going on indeed.

i thought i was a normal family and suddenly i found everyone around me with a disorder.you mean that is not normal. how is the normal healthy attitude

if you are not very self destructive to the point there is clear evidence for everyone to see. i think is very difficult for someone to understand what is going on. my dad's case(npd) is incredibly clear.like a text book

i guess both perceptions are true. there are times when my family was bad to me, just as there are times when they helped me immensely.

my caretaker was rude to me n would shout a lot
but there were times when she was nice. i remmeber when i had to be operated for appendics, she was at the hospital whole day n we went for a walk. it was a good time.

part of my recovering has been to accept that she was human. that life wasnt fair to her n she released her issues on me.

forgiving helps. besides even i'm not perfect. there are times when i've done stuff i hadnt done n there are times when i did something i'm proud of.
like once i extended my leg just to make someone trip...that was horrible on my part
n once i rescued a pigeon that was tangled in a rope.

I feel that way about some of my family members too, much to their dismay. I would say that it's splitting.

loneyhear wrote:I feel that way about some of my family members too, much to their dismay. I would say that it's splitting.

I'm rather surprised to hear it's that unusual. I've always assumed everyone strongly resents their family at times (or at least believes they do in the moment) and then later feels differently.

Yup
Constantly torn between treat others how you wanna be treated and treat others how they treat you.