Splitting

So after reading through different threads, I realized there's a word to what I've been doing for so long..its splitting...I always thought it was just me who did this and wondered how I could be so sensitive to the point where I don't like someone anymore over a little thing they said or did...I wonder why we do this though..it does feel good though that other people do this and I'm not alone, I have to admit

Well apparently we do it because we have trouble seeing the gray areas in people - both the good and the bad. I am usually pretty good at seeing all of a person now, but get me in a rage and I just totally hate someone that I normally love or really like.

I'm happy for you that you finally found the word for it, it must be nice to be able to put a name to it

I'm usually good about stepping back and seeing the whole person, but occasionally (whether from a mood swing, lack of sleep, medications, etc.) I'll split on a person. Once I return from splitting, I just feel awful about it and try to make it up to them. Now when I split I tend to go silent, rather than going into an external rage, I internalize it. I know it's not healthy, but neither is damaging relationships...so I consider it the lesser of two evils.

Denki wrote:Now when I split I tend to go silent, rather than going into an external rage

yeah i do this. i avoid the person instead of raging at him. also i curse in my mind and release the anger.

jaus tail wrote:

Denki wrote:Now when I split I tend to go silent, rather than going into an external rage

yeah i do this. i avoid the person instead of raging at him. also i curse in my mind and release the anger.

Why do you guys think it is happening?

NoOneNoWhere wrote:

jaus tail wrote:

Denki wrote:Now when I split I tend to go silent, rather than going into an external rage

yeah i do this. i avoid the person instead of raging at him. also i curse in my mind and release the anger.

Why do you guys think it is happening?

It is a normal reaction. it happens during the childhood. And normally with age it gets softer. But for people who may have lived some kind of trauma at a very young age it gets stuck probably as a defense mechanism.

ADHD-HP wrote:

NoOneNoWhere wrote:

jaus tail wrote:yeah i do this. i avoid the person instead of raging at him. also i curse in my mind and release the anger.

Why do you guys think it is happening?

It is a normal reaction. it happens during the childhood. And normally with age it gets softer. But for people who may have lived some kind of trauma at a very young age it gets stuck probably as a defense mechanism.

That would explain my reaction toward others. After being to the psychologist I started to heal. I tend to to do same and remain in silent while splitting. I also noticed that it helps with social interaction, but, when people trigger it my head hurts a lot like I need to explode. Might be the amount of stress or the effort to control it?

For me this definitely stems from childhood. It's a form of self-protection. For me though it's usually about protecting myself from being hurt; it's not a rage thing. If I don't care about a person anymore then they can't hurt me. I shut down emotionally and cast them from my life. It is definitely a defence mechanism and I've been doing it so long it really is quite automatic now.

But I am also aware that I do that and with a bit of self-talk I can usually gain some perspective on the situation. I also keep my thought processes to myself so it's very rare anyone else knows I'm doing it - I may just be quiet for a while.

Remember Ronni wrote:For me this definitely stems from childhood. It's a form of self-protection. For me though it's usually about protecting myself from being hurt; it's not a rage thing. If I don't care about a person anymore then they can't hurt me. I shut down emotionally and cast them from my life. It is definitely a defence mechanism and I've been doing it so long it really is quite automatic now.

But I am also aware that I do that and with a bit of self-talk I can usually gain some perspective on the situation. I also keep my thought processes to myself so it's very rare anyone else knows I'm doing it - I may just be quiet for a while.

I do the same when it comes to feel emotions. For example if someone tries to help I will run away and disappear. I will let them worrying and do not care at all. But after a while I will feel shame and contact them again and feel sorry about that. The self-protection kicks in when it comes to get attached to someone. Love = pain = push away.

I learned about splitting after my diagnoses. It was a relief to finally put a name to something that had been ailing me for so long and knowing that I wasn't alone or simply crazy for these thoughts. It explains so much too. I do this with binge eating as well. I don't necessarily hate people at the drop of a dime. It's mostly having difficulty seeing the in between in anything.

My relationship with my son has to be good or its bad
My relationship with my bf has to be good or its bad
My job has to be good or its bad
I'm either on a diet or eat everything in site (no medium)
I'm either ugly or pretty
I'm either fat or skinny
If you're in love with me then it has to feel like its the first time and first kiss EVERYDAY or it's bad

This is exhausting