How to communicate with your expwBPD when you been painted b

Hi, I wanted some tips on how to communicate when your expwBPD paints you black. It seems like everything I say turns into negativity.

The reason why I want to open up communication with her after being 6 months of broken up is that I want to forgive her and be forgiven. I said some really awful things at the time of break up; It seems like karma or something has kind of ruined my luck for a while as some bad things have happened to me. In all honestly, I didn't know she had BPD until it was all over and I started seeking answers. I wanted to see if a friendship is something that is possible. Keep in mind, it would be a very distant friend.

I think the best you can do with any ex is just put it out there; message saying what you need to say and let go of the outcome. She may respond, she may not, and ultimately that's her choice as it would be yours. A piece of advice that I generally give anyone is that these types of conversations shouldn't have a goal in terms of feelings - I used to message my ex hoping I'd feel closure, peace, forgiveness, whatever and that was a mistake because I was always trying to control the conversation to get to that end goal. And if that goal wasn't met, I just felt resentment and then kept trying to push the issue further and further. I'm not saying you would do as I did, but I do know that it's easy to set yourself up for disappointment when reaching out to exes. It can really impair the healing process for both parties.

For me, i am friendly with many of my ex's and i dont have a problem "receiving" a message like "hey i was just thinking about you and how things were handled badly" etc etc...

As witches said know what you want to achieve from this "closure for you/her, distant friends, not to be enemies etc...

if your looking to rekindle relationship (now that you know about her BPD)
then thats a different story of course, boundaries, understanding, communication

if you get (beck) in contackt with somone being bad to you you say you willing to take that
comming back from that and reestablishing boundries can be done but it's not eazy
going back to an ex makes me wander why
makes me think white knight
and is even harder
it's like saying you can treat me like crap couse i'm your bf/gf
you can treat me like crap even we are not gf/bf annymore
makes you look needy and weak
anny user will take avantage of you