trip details

so the trip was good and bad...good in the sense earlier i used to think bpd makes me special like i'm some sort of ayn rand hero. but when i was climbing the mountain n was about to fall...i realized that bpd or depression doesnt make me special.

i sort of wish i had gone on this trip after the nervous breakdown. there were nice people n horrible people i met on the trip. i made some friends, also got diarrhoea, vomitted in bus, got scammed to pay more for hotel and food, stayed for free at a religious place, returned the favor by serving food.

solo trip does help with the alter egos. as in when i was climbing mountain n in pain, then none of the alter egos came to help me.

the intrusive thoughts were scary...especially at night...i cried all nights.

i really cannot get over the sexual abuse. i cannot get over all the random sex acts that i indulged in. i feel super ashamed of them. i dont know what to do of that.

Welcome back from your trip, yes of course there will have been good and bad times but you managed them didnt you, sometimes we are forced to face some things are are not nice to face alone but you did it, i am glad you got through this.

As for the scammed part ..its can happen to anyone unfortunately
(my mother was taking pictures to send to me and 2 men on a bike put the hands in the car and took her phone 3 days ago) She said she has learnt a expensive lesson, she wanted to chase them down the road were as im just thought im glad she was safe ...so you see things happen jaus, its how we deal with them that really matter. im glad your safe

Take from this the good times and acknowledge the bad but don't allow it to consume you ok

A welcome home hug for you