Splitting when drunk?

Hey yall, this is my first post so bare with me:

So I was just curious: do any of you split more or less when you're drunk?

I was recently realizing that when I'm drunk (and no i don't mean black out drunk... still very functional), my moods are different. While I feel more emotions towards people, I feel like I can actually understand what emotions I'm feeling. In general I'm much more positive and non judgmental. So I used to assume: drunk me leads me to proper emotions.

The difference is when I'm drunk, my anxiety disappears. This include both my general anxiety about random stuff that makes no sense as well as fear that people are laughing at me are hate me etc. (abandonment anyone?!? haha). So I guess my anxiety was what always made me aware of splitting, because not only did I automatically think either: "that was rude they hate me", but it also triggered my anxiety that they hate me and I'm stupid etc.

But last Saturday I became aware that I was splitting when drunk. Someone had passed out, and I honestly hate this girl, but I wanted to make sure she was ok. (Note: this hate wasn't because of splitting, we had a large fight last year which was provoked by my BPD, but she in turn was also very rude and damaging to me). But I said out loud to someone that even thought I hated her, that by no means meant I wanted her to be hurt via drinking. Someone needed to make sure she was ok. And this one girl turns to me (with what I thought was a glare and an eye roll... probably wasn't but I assumed that) and said "yes we heard you hate her..."

Now normal me would have freaked anxiety wise, but instead I remember thinking "wow what a (insert multitude of swear words here). She hates me and I officially hate her". Now that I'm in a proper frame of mind, I'm getting the anxiety about it. Still hating her and still thinking she hates me but now I'm scared.

So I was wondering: do yall split more or less when you're drunk/ are your emotions more or less volatile?

Well, alcohol has this effect on non-disordered people too. In vino veritas.

It happened to me recently that I was extremely insulting/sarcastic/hateful towards one person while drunk. The reason was, splitting has already been there, deeply, I was just able to hide it/control it when sober. Not when drunk though. Thank god, this relationship ended (when I was drunk, by the way).

Tldr; more and it's not good

@zuz

Can completely relate there.. brothers gf and all.. can only hold it all together sober, few drinks under my belt and i hailed down a shitstorm of hate on her.. because well.. deep down she just screws with people let alone my only brother

I'm very friendly and happy when I'm drunk or high, even when cranked up on speed/coke which has a calming effect on me. I'm not necessarily more emotional but I can be a bit whiny as I can access more of my actual self-esteem. And it takes away the PTSD symptoms which is amazing. No wonder so many vets end up addicts.

Second thought on this..

I think to me it depends who im around and what mind im in.. weather or not anyone around me has by my observation wronged me or not seemes to be a pro-con elimination process.. sometimes i just swallow the rage, sometimes it comes back out x100% and lands me in trouble.. hard to tell or predict outcomes however.

-- Fri May 20, 2016 2:07 am --

Second thought on this..

I think to me it depends who im around and what mind im in.. weather or not anyone around me has by my observation wronged me or not seemes to be a pro-con elimination process.. sometimes i just swallow the rage, sometimes it comes back out x100% and lands me in trouble.. hard to tell or predict outcomes however.

I get where you are coming from. Normally after a few drinks, my social anxiety shuts off and I find myself outgoing, funny and relaxed. It can be such a nice way to turn off the normal chatter crap constantly going on in my brain as well.

However, once in a great while (and only with those I am close to), I have unleashed rages of bitter, seething anger onto people the likes that no one would ever expect from a normally demure and diminutive girl. Mostly in reaction to feelings of them pulling away or not loving me as much as I love them.

In essence, sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.

I will use every weakness I can to tear that person apart - spit back to them every insecurity, every doubt they have, ones they have never even spoken about but I know are there. All I want is to hurt that person in a way that they will understand the absolute pain they dared to have caused me. Alcohol just heightens the intensity of already intense feelings. Then of course I immediately revert back to a sobbing mess of tears and I'm-so-sorrys.

Blah, I know what it feels like though to be on the receiving end of that fury. Hence why I rarely drink anymore and if I do, I shut my phone off and stay away from people.