BPD?

Does this person sound as though they may have BPD?

• Whines about being victimized by family and friends, but once the details are elicited the “victimization” isn’t clear or isn't nearly as bad as they had portrayed it.

• Doesn’t follow anyone’s (even professional’s) advice/suggestions/help for their problems; seems to only want to TALK about them ad infinitum.

• Perseveration – Repeats the same stories in minute detail over and over – endlessly! It only
ceases when another objects to it.

• Recalled events are incredibly dramatic – sounds like high school talk – “He said, she said.”

• Tries to mindread – Constantly obsessing over what the object of their obsession may or may not think, what s/he may or may not have heard, seen, etc.

• Stories are inconsistent – Initially something was said by x, then it was said by y. If you bring this to their attention, they don’t own it or apologize but rewrite history (yet again!) and then play the victim card. (“It’s very difficult to retell all this highly emotional stuff.”)

• Makes comments that make no sense at all. E.g., “I could see it in your eyes…” (and it was a phone conversation so no eye contact or visuals at all)

• Highly sensitive to even the slightest criticism.

• Doesn’t say what they really mean – You must “read between the lines” to discern the meaning. E.g., they don’t want to talk with you anymore and beat around the bush but never come out and say it. They end up apologizing to you for “failing” you.

• Repeat back what you said to them – your original thoughts – as though they were THEIR original thoughts, then gets upset when you don’t react positively with “That’s brilliant!” or some other pat on the head.

• Makes outrageous, incorrect statements that are easily verifiable (for shock value?). E.g., “The U.S. is 80% black.” (They are dead serious – NOT joking!)

• Makes “big” claims (“I’m moving to the Galapagos Islands”) repeatedly but hasn’t taken even preliminary steps to follow through so must not be serious. The next conversation, it will be
something else. (“I’m moving to Antarctica.”)

BTW, this person is a “functional” adult and owns their own successful business. Some have suggested seeking therapy, but of course this person became very defensive and went ballistic.

Could be HPD, or NPD. Could be just some traits but not a full-blown PD.

Just focus on yourself and your own boundaries. If the person is draining you or stressing you out, limit contact as much as you can.

If/when they are ever ready to seek help, they will, but there's nothing you can do to "open the eyes" of a PD person.

Someone has to reach that point on their own.

mostlyghostly wrote:Could be HPD, or NPD. Could be just some traits but not a full-blown PD.

Just focus on yourself and your own boundaries. If the person is draining you or stressing you out, limit contact as much as you can.

If/when they are ever ready to seek help, they will, but there's nothing you can do to "open the eyes" of a PD person.

Someone has to reach that point on their own.

Thanks for the reminder about HPD. I hadn't even considered HIstrionic. Reviewing the traits, some of them do fit here.

I have already cut ties with this person; they annoyed me to no end!! I am doing a post-mortem analysis, trying to make sense of things to hopefully avoid going through this in the future.

Try not to obsess or let it eat you up. Too many "Nons" become very bitter and obsessed (ironically) themselves after encounters with some of us PD people. It's best to just let go. Have strong, healthy boundaries and move on.

mostlyghostly wrote:Try not to obsess or let it eat you up. Too many "Nons" become very bitter and obsessed (ironically) themselves after encounters with some of us PD people. It's best to just let go. Have strong, healthy boundaries and move on.

Not obsessed at all; just looking for possible answers. Thanks for your comments! Have a good one.

I agree with mostlyghostly,
seems to different traits here and there to be sure, so i wouldn't like to say to be honest,

BTW, this person is a “functional” adult and owns their own successful business. Some have suggested seeking therapy, but of course this person became very defensive and went ballistic.

Someone doesn't need to have a PD to have a bad reaction to being told to "seek therapy" this can just be a "human reaction" not a PD one.

Gosh that sounds exactly like a friend of mine..! I think she's HPD, or at least has HPD traits that go on to cause her a lot of problems in interpersonal relationships, but she is highly functioning in that she has a house on her own and successful job. She's never had any kind of diagnosis and once told me that people with PDs never knew they had one (which of course isn't true) and went through a phase of labelling everyone a narcissist, which she's got over but still believes it's always "other people's fault" and never her.She hates selfishness and is very quick to call people selfish, despite her having a very blamey, guilt-laden outburst the moment you don't want to do what she wants you to. I'm trying to work out how to best distance myself with minimal hurt to either of us as her behaviour is really damaging to me right now.

However, I agree that the person in question has to realise it for themselves.

HPD and BPD share a lot of similarities but from my experience with listening to people talk about BPD, they can often feel really ashamed, worthless and guilty after they attack others which can come about as a side effect of feeling rejected, abandoned, unloved, invalidated and that rings true in my case. However, I've read that HPD people's attacks are more goal-oriented; that is, they seek to get attention so the outburst fulfils that need, even if negative attention, and they can swing back to exactly how they were before the outburst once the need has been met. Sometimes HPD is referred to as the more "feminine version" of NPD despite the fact that they are separate disorder, just as men with BPD can often be diagnosed with APD.

I can only speak from experience and what I've read so I could be wrong in terms of what' going on underneath the surface/subconscious motivation.

Echinacea wrote:Someone doesn't need to have a PD to have a bad reaction to being told to "seek therapy" this can just be a "human reaction" not a PD one.

Hit the nail on the head. I have yet to hear one person that has reacted positively to "get therapy". I mean, it's usually said in a derogatory way, insinuating that the person is "not normal".

Yes, that's true. It's expected that someone will react with "How dare you!" or something similar, if you were to suggest they need therapy. But a more rational and sound response would be to enquire as to why, and then ponder that person's motives in saying so, whether there could be any truth in what that person says and evidence for and against, and to examine your own feelings and thoughts on the matter. However, I'm not suggesting that responding in this manner is not an easy thing to do and I certainly haven't mastered that art.

My belief is that the more quickly and emotionally someone disagrees with you when you're making a statement, arguing a debate, giving an opinion, etc. (and I'm including myself in this!), the less likely that this is based on sound judgement and free from bias. Sometimes the reason for the immediate reaction is that the original person may have such a ludicrous statement (e.g. all brunettes have green ears) but more often than not, it's because either a) you've brought someone's attention to something they'd not rather accept b) it's not in their interest to agree with you or c) they don't possess the mental faculties to analyse - an immediate emotional reaction doesn't allow time for contemplation.

I guess the more importance someone places on on being "normal", the more emotionally they'll react, but there's quite a difference between and angry "You need help!" vs. a concerned "Have you ever thought about getting some support with XYZ?".

updown_14 wrote:Gosh that sounds exactly like a friend of mine..! I think she's HPD, or at least has HPD traits that go on to cause her a lot of problems in interpersonal relationships, but she is highly functioning in that she has a house on her own and successful job. She's never had any kind of diagnosis and once told me that people with PDs never knew they had one (which of course isn't true) and went through a phase of labelling everyone a narcissist, which she's got over but still believes it's always "other people's fault" and never her.She hates selfishness and is very quick to call people selfish, despite her having a very blamey, guilt-laden outburst the moment you don't want to do what she wants you to. I'm trying to work out how to best distance myself with minimal hurt to either of us as her behaviour is really damaging to me right now.

However, I agree that the person in question has to realise it for themselves.

HPD and BPD share a lot of similarities but from my experience with listening to people talk about BPD, they can often feel really ashamed, worthless and guilty after they attack others which can come about as a side effect of feeling rejected, abandoned, unloved, invalidated and that rings true in my case. However, I've read that HPD people's attacks are more goal-oriented; that is, they seek to get attention so the outburst fulfils that need, even if negative attention, and they can swing back to exactly how they were before the outburst once the need has been met. Sometimes HPD is referred to as the more "feminine version" of NPD despite the fact that they are separate disorder, just as men with BPD can often be diagnosed with APD.

I can only speak from experience and what I've read so I could be wrong in terms of what' going on underneath the surface/subconscious motivation.

Thank you for your comments, UpDown. Your description of your friend sounds VERY similar to this person, especially the "labelling everyone a narc" and characterizing everyone as "selfish."

I admit that I know virtually NOTHING about HPD so appreciate those tidbits. I should probably familiarize myself with the disorder since I am encountering victims of NPD abuse. Rereading my OP is a good reminder of how INCREDIBLY ANNOYING I found her behaviors. Hell, every conversation with her I ended up being so frustrated!!