What is your life like?

My life is very much like the Toyes song "Smoke Two Joints"...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UUPY902Ph0

My life used to be "drink and smoke so I can socialize and fit in"

Now it's attempts at self-improvement, feeling bad for doing nothing productive for society but not being able to do it so I don't mind that much, attempting to get over trauma even though I never left toxic environments so it doesn't work, and most recently leaving a mutually abusive relationship and pretty soon leaving all the toxic environments behind because I am DONE.

I wish you would answer your own question in detail, I'm genuinely interested in that sort of thing

Mostly living in a fantasy world, being struck down to reality painfully by my boyfriend, to whom I have to prove that I am trying to sort out my life. Living in a great city that I feel unworthy of because I don't even pay my own rent, and am often too afraid to interact with people (I walk around alone a lot.)

Forget what day it is, forget what time it is, forget what year it is, forget how old I am. Sweaty balls, greasy hair, dirty fingernails, dust and trash everywhere, smoke cigarettes, barely eat, red bull, coffee, candy... need to get some groceries? Shower, shave, get a change of clothes, trim finger nails, look myself in the mirror and think "Well, at least I got that going for me--- shame I don't take advantage of it--- and shame it won't last..." go to the store, buy my $#%^, stand in line, people stand too close, person behind the counter looking at me, panic attack, panic attack, panic attack, walk home, walk home, walk home, home, home, home, cat bites me, feeling insulted, piece of $#%^ cat... Phone's dead, insurance company nagging, unpaid bills that I'll never pay because ###$ them... Clickety-click computer, coding, computer games, more coding, more computer games, waiting for episodes of The Daily Show, Colbert Report, Last Week Tonight, The Walking Dead, 11.22.63, waiting for Deadpool to be released in DVD quality, browse this forum, get reminded of how everyone is braindead, read YouTube comments, get reminded of how everyone is braindead, go on another website, and, yet again, get reminded of how everyone is braindead. Oh, and porn, porn, porn, where everyone is braindead, but at least aren't talking about $#%^ they know nothing about as if they know what they're talking about.

My life is pretty much blah blah blah, nobody cares including me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Aj9_8t1eQc

Abiding ennui, if I'm honest. Most of the time by Turnover is an authoritative depiction.

"You can find me drifting slowly sinking beneath the sea.
I try to catch my breath, a silent struggle drowned in my apathy.
Yeah I’m still caught up on all the things I know I’ll never be.
Erase me.

You won’t find me
Because I don’t know where I am myself. You see,
I’ve been waiting for so long and hoping that I’d see
A sign to point me in the right direction,
But where I am the signs have been torn down.
No, I won't be found.

I’m feeling fragile, cast aside these walls surrounding,
Losing touch with what's around me. I just don’t feel like myself anymore.
I can’t even sleep. Take my dreams they’re yours to keep.
Take my head and hold me down. I’m in too deep. I can’t get out.

Running in circles and falling in holes all the way to where I’m trying to go.
Most of the time that I think there’s an end, I come to find out that it’s not even close.

You can find me drifting slowly sinking beneath the sea.
I try to catch my breath, a silent struggle drowned in my apathy.
I’m still caught up on all the things I know I’ll never be.
Erase me.

Most of the time I’m invisible.
Most of the time I’m between the cracks.
Most of the time I’m wandering.
Most of the time I’m not coming back.

Most of the time I’m hopelessly lost.
Most of the time I’m between the cracks.
Most of the time you’ll find me drifting.
Most of the time I’m never coming back."

Boring.

RusticOwl wrote:My life used to be "drink and smoke so I can socialize and fit in"

Now it's attempts at self-improvement, feeling bad for doing nothing productive for society but not being able to do it so I don't mind that much, attempting to get over trauma even though I never left toxic environments so it doesn't work, and most recently leaving a mutually abusive relationship and pretty soon leaving all the toxic environments behind because I am DONE.

I wish you would answer your own question in detail, I'm genuinely interested in that sort of thing

You are like my twin sister

Well.. used to be anyway. Atm I'm not raising nearly enough hell. Still has its moments though.

The rest of the time I work, exercise, talk with you people and get violent obsessions over random girls I barely know. Also get drunk.

Lusid wrote:

Well.. used to be anyway. Atm I'm not raising nearly enough hell. Still has its moments though.

The rest of the time I work, exercise, talk with you people and get violent obsessions over random girls I barely know. Also get drunk.

Do you get violent obsessions over only girls specifically? I'm assuming you're lesbian or bi.