No Mr. Nice Borderline = Narc

Okay so this is sort of a follow up from my last post but I thought it was deserving of a separate topic.

I've come to believe that personality, disordered or not, is all on a sliding scale spectrum and is relative to who you are interacting with. So you may be a borderline, but if you're with someone more borderline than you, you become the narc. Or if you have avoidant personality disorder you might seem "odd" but not as odd standing next to a schizotypal > schizoid >schizophrenic, etc etc, etc.
You get what 'm trying to say.

Anyway I guess my question is. If you take away a borderlines self loathing tendencies (apologizing, putting up with $#%^ people just to have someone around) and start seeing yourself better than these people (Flashback to my "I hate nons" post) ... does that in turn make you a narcissist?

Because I'm starting to feel I'm moving towards that. I'm standing up for myself and not caring/getting triggered as much. And in some ways it's good because being borderline is not serving me well and Im tried of hurting all the time.
However, I hate narcs like I said and I'm not sure I want to be like that. I find value in being sensitive/borderline.

I guess the goal of pyschatry is for us to become a non, but theyre just ######6 boring so idk /endrant

Maybe. It could have to do with unstable identity as well. If you're with someone who is more submissive, you become dominant. If you're with someone who is amoral, you become more moral. You change a bit in accordance to who is around you. Does that sound like it describes what you're talking about?

I'm not sure that self improvement for the borderliner automatically equals becoming a narc.

I've sometimes wondered whether I'm more of a covert narc rather than a borderline, because I don't have that self loathing thing going on and I don't feel in a constant state of emotional turmoil.

Would I be a narc if I was with someone who was more borderline than me? That's a very interesting question. Maybe other traits would come out? If you also had some Cluster C or Cluster A traits there could be a very different dynamic.

I'm ashamed to say this, but I have to be honest, I wouldn't put up with someone who was more borderline than me. I'd quickly be making a hasty retreat and blocking phone numbers and Facebook. I don't mean that in an unkind way, but it would just be too draining.

Covert narcs hate themselves though, because they are aware of the gap between their grandiose ideal and their real self. They tend to be very "acting in".

You don't have to be constantly in turmoil to have BPD either. I have stable periods, and I know many pwBPD do too.

OK. I must remember not to listen to my psychiatrist! Apparently pwBPD all feel suicidal at the slightest provocation!

CloudShark wrote:OK. I must remember not to listen to my psychiatrist! Apparently pwBPD all feel suicidal at the slightest provocation!

Are you being sarcastic?

NimplyDinply wrote:

CloudShark wrote:OK. I must remember not to listen to my psychiatrist! Apparently pwBPD all feel suicidal at the slightest provocation!

Are you being sarcastic?

Not at all. He told me that he'd come across pwbpd who had felt suicidal because they burnt the toast and then proceeded to grill me about whether I felt suicidal over every little thing. He said that it's something that happens with BPD.

-- Mon Apr 04, 2016 2:54 pm --

Sorry to have caused a derailment there.

CloudShark wrote:

NimplyDinply wrote:

CloudShark wrote:OK. I must remember not to listen to my psychiatrist! Apparently pwBPD all feel suicidal at the slightest provocation!

Are you being sarcastic?

Not at all. He told me that he'd come across pwbpd who had felt suicidal because they burnt the toast and then proceeded to grill me about whether I felt suicidal over every little thing. He said that it's something that happens with BPD.

-- Mon Apr 04, 2016 2:54 pm --

Sorry to have caused a derailment there.

It's ok, I thought you might be sarcastic but I thought I'd ask because you never know...

I'm not sure what your psychiatrist is talking about, but that sounds quite hyperbolic tbh. No doubt that many pwBPD have suicidal ideation, but over burnt toast? Not something I've dealt with personally, although I have felt suicidal over many things in the past before.

It's all on a spectrum anyways.

As for NPD vs BPD, they don't have the emotional dysregulation we do. Their anger, for example, is far more controlled. Have you ever felt very emotional, say angry, and wanted to do something to get rid of the feeling, like punch a hole in the wall? Something like that?

Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as a Mr P.I.Staker!

Yes, I have a helluva temper and have lost count of the number of times I've smashed up my own stuff! Fortunately it's been years since I've done that. You learn eventually!

Lol don't worry, it's all good!

Yep, your anger sounds pretty BPDish tbh. Have you been dx'd by that psychiatrist? Or is he telling you you don't have it because you don't feel suicidal over minor things like burnt food?

If you go to the following video...around the 50:00 mark, it explains the similarities and differences between NPD and BPD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaMhHyw46zc