Obsessed with boyfriend help

Hi, i'm 19.. bipolar with borderline traits (which I just found out about) and a year ago I met my boyfriend after overcoming my addiction and becoming stabilized, I was planning on moving out on my own with a friend since I felt the best I ever had. It ended up not working out that way, plus I met him instead and we moved in together almost instantly.. My life changed I was happy and driven to actually try and complete/acomplish things in my life.. months past and things were going good until at some point my meds were not working as well I was isolating and making him my whole life, he cooked for me, cleaned after me and I was blind as to how bad I was getting.. how rageful and un grateful I was and picking fights and keeping him at home while not contributing at all, manipulating and playing games.. after seeing my ex in town on the streets my ptsd kicked in and I started having panic attacks all throughout the day and relying on him to help me and do everything, complelty shutting off the world and making him all of it. Finally we both decided I need to get help or the relationship wouldn't work which sent me into panic mode, the craziest thoughts running through my head anything so he wouldn't leave me, so I agreed to go back to my dads and do inpatient. I now realize all my bad behavior and have gotten better mentally and more stabilzed but i've also realized he is my whole world, all my self worth is put into him now..I think about him all day and night, I stare at my phone after texting him for a message i'm completley in love for the first time and obsessed with him! We had a talk and he told me he feels the relationship is getting in the way of my progress and i'm too obsessed with him and i'm childish and he doesn't love me like i love him.. which is all true but it hurt and sent me into that fear again.. somehow I got him to agree to stay with me while I get my $#%^ together and see where we are afterwards. I'm just going more crazy, that phone call made me suicidal and hopeless (which I haven't been since I was very young) my mind just can't love myself without him, I can't think properly.. every day is feeling like a day further away from him and it's killing me, I feel if i can't be with him I don't want life.. please someone help me understand what to do in this situation to get my life back as an individual so i can be in a healthy relationship with him and not just crazy obsessed disconnected from reality my every thought and feeling relying on him, I look at him like my only hope and I can't take it anymore.

So sorry you're going through this, I've been there so many times too it's really awful isn't it?

I don't know what has helped with the obsession in my case, I think growing up helped a little, and internalizing that it's not appropriate so I slowly learned to distract myself from obsession.
With my last relationship the only thing that stopped me from further sabotaging the relationship and completely obsessing over him (while we were supposed to be on a break while i lived elsewhere and got treatment) and seeing him as my only source of happiness and identity was... sadly, him breaking up for real, and not contacting him unless absolutely necessary.

I know how scary this is, but it's all I have. Distraction and no contact. I hope someone else has more ideas for you

Sorry to hear that you've been dealt the double whammy of bipolar and borderline traits. That's what I have too!

I'm a lot older than you and have been in a steady relationship for years and went through the whole isolation thing with my last bipolar episode.

You need to focus on getting yourself stable again and it sounds as though this relationship, or lack thereof isn't helping. Are you working? That is good for your self esteem after being so ill and if you don't have a job right now, that's something constructive to aim for. Also, set yourself goals of getting out to meet up with friends and acquaintances once a week. Try something new. This will help you to rebuild your life, rebuild your confidence and also to distract yourself from this guy.

Maybe he will come around or maybe he wont. However, if you've rebuilt your life it won't matter as much and you'll be feeling much better regardless.

Sorry if that sounds lame. Recovery can be a marathon rather than a sprint.

I will try and just focus on myself and getting stable but it's so hard, and I can't let him go.. he's a great guy and my whole life is up there with him. We live together and the whole problem is me, not him..I don't know how to seperate getting help and constantly worrying about what's going on between us though. I need to get better and stable for our relationship because not only do I love him more than anything and need to show him theres a better me but also, I love my life up there in Oregon.. I'm in California at my dads house getting treatment and I absolutley hate it here it's tearing me apart but i know I need to do it. Anyone know how to calm the delusional thinking and get help while away from someone you love that's on the fence with you based on you getting better?

RusticOwl wrote:So sorry you're going through this, I've been there so many times too it's really awful isn't it?

I don't know what has helped with the obsession in my case, I think growing up helped a little, and internalizing that it's not appropriate so I slowly learned to distract myself from obsession.
With my last relationship the only thing that stopped me from further sabotaging the relationship and completely obsessing over him (while we were supposed to be on a break while i lived elsewhere and got treatment) and seeing him as my only source of happiness and identity was... sadly, him breaking up for real, and not contacting him unless absolutely necessary.

I know how scary this is, but it's all I have. Distraction and no contact. I hope someone else has more ideas for you

Your situation was a lot similar to the one i'm in now, but he's too big of a part of my life.. i'm in California dealing with all this in the house i grew up in (which is traumatizing in it's own way) but my whole life, and our house and cats are in Oregon with him which I love and ideally yes, the relationship is a big toll on this and I wish this was all happening at a different time but it was the only thing striving me to even get better and still is. We've agreed to stay together while i get my act together so he can see the real me and not decide off this horrible mess I was. We just text goodnight, good morning etc but my mind adds thoughts that are un true to the situation. He really does care about me and wants me to get better but wants to stay somewhat away so it doesn't get in the way of me getting better. If i lose him i won't want to get better for myself at all, i'll just turn into the same person I was. So i have to find a way around this so i can get better while trying to hold onto this relationship, so I can even deal with the "break up" if it is to come. Thanks