Devaluation or something else?

I guess this could be classed as splitting, but I have never experienced this side to my BPD before. I am in a relationship and we got together in October so it hasn't been long term. To start with everything was the same as my previous relationships, for my part - the jealousy, the uncontrollable thinking they will leave me ect. Now I've always been the one to get so attached to my partners to the point It pushes them away and I break down.

Everything was fine up until December time I just started to feel different towards my partner, very annoyed by every little thing, but it was manageable and I thought things would work out. It then just switched and got the point I can't even see them, I feel emotionally blocked from all sexual/romantic feelings, I feel no attraction, and I just get so angry. I have seen them once in about 3 weeks.

I tried ending the relationship because I felt it was unfair on them to stay with me, because I want to hide and run away, so I was honest and said this that I think they should move on from me because I couldn't handle my own head right now. But they have recently just been diagnosed with BPD, they have become very attached, and when I said about breaking up they smashed their phone, started crying, went silent, while I just sat there with no expression because I can't feel anything.

It makes me feel extremely guilty though that I have done this to them, because I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of things, and the last thing I wanted to do is hurt them. But I am struggling with my own stuff with family, housing, money issues and my own mental health state, that I would feel better be alone. We argue now all the time because they need someone to be there all the time when I've gone the opposite and have become very anti social and won't even leave my flat because I am to afraid of people.

What makes me worry is their mind state though, but the more I try the more unwell im getting but then if I leave it, there more unwell im worried they would get if that makes sense? Everytime I try and be civil and end the relationship on good terms, they say im the only person they have, they can't cope without me and makes me feel so guilty so Im stuck with what to do, any advice would be appreciated or any kind of support, thank you.

I think you should end the relationship and then go No Contact.

I think people should do that with us if we are hurting them or trying to hold them hostage, and I think we should do that with people who are hurting us or trying to hold us hostage.

No Contact is ultimately good for everybody in a dysfunctional ###$ situation.

I agree. You need to put yourself first. I know it's hard because you don't want to hurt the other person. Obviously with a new diagnosis they may not have a full understanding of what it is you are experiencing therefore they are unable to empathise. But its not your job to trying and make them feel safe. They need to find that place within themselves to be able to do that. And that may require some therapy.

Definately 'No Contact' as you need to equalise yourself out as well. But at the same time this is an opportunity for you to understand what it is you are doing in this dynamic. Why are you devaluing this other person. Is it because it is trigger something in you. Try to identify that trigger and where it stems from. It may help you long term to understand what's going on with you and then you can create some internal tools to assist you next time the same thing happens.