What do you all do for a living? This is a long post....

Hello all,

I have been a member of the forum since 2010 but only recently accepted that i have BPD.

I would like to know what you all do for a living, considering many of us deal with the same issues. I am struggling, a lot, with happiness found within. My relationship with my boyfriend is finally "stable" (HA, when is a relationship stable with someone who has a personality disorder?). Plainly put, we are happy.

But I am not happy with who i am and what I do for work. I have a bachelor of arts degree, but I don't utilize it, because it was a stupid career decision. I currently work in a Goodwill location. I am in the management team, but I am not happy. I do not feel fulfilled and know that I won't. Let me see if I can explain.

I thought I would be working on merchandising. Arranging outfits and displays. I barely get to do this, because I am handling other managerial duties. When I DO get a chance, I over think it for so long because a coworker who does get to do them, does an excellent job. While I truly am proud of the outfits I finally produce, they usually sit for a long time because I have a vintage style/I read high fashion magazines, which means that style hasn't really reached the public yet. So, I end up self-hating. Invalidated. Unworthy.Embarrassed. And then I am not even truly sure how MUCH I am satisfied and fullfilled by merchandising bc it is a creation. and artists tend to hate their own work. Do I want to do that every day? And how will i even get close to making a career in merchandising when i never get to do it?

My major in college was production management for film, tv and theatre. I tried to go somewhere with it, but in my location, its very competitive and limited. Along with that, I have low confidence, low drive, and poor follow through due to that low drive and confidence. Add to all of that, I have attention deficit disorder. I am actually diagnosed, not self diagnosed... When I was in it, when i interned for a local show, when i was a production assistant for ESPN for a few gigs, when I was a script supervisor for a small production, i did enjoy it. But keeping my attention was hard. Believing the confidence those had in me, was really hard. So much self-deprecation. Paranoid, constantly, that everyone hated me and thought I was horrible.

I worked at an animal shelter for 8 years. That was the only place I had confidence...but the tasks and jobs were very easy. Which made me confidence still low...like, "yeah, awesome. I am good at remedial tasks." And the tasks that weren't the easiest, I still shooed away, because any careers with that pay NOTHING. Being a vet tech, the highest salary is about $31k. I can't do that my whole life. I made around that last year and I struggled hard core WITHOUT paying my student loans yet.

I am looking into Air Traffic Control Dispatch. I am completely fascinated by aviation. If I could go back, before my relationship, Id join the air force and try to be a pilot. I love taking off. I flew once and loved it. But, having BPD, I can't fly. FAA regulations. Hence, Dispatch. But I am scared to pursue it because I don't know if i can hack it. I don't know if i can handle the pressure. are any of you in high pressure jobs?

I have considered going back to school...but for what? I don't know what I am interested in other than fashion, animals, some production, aviation, anything vintage. I am HORRIBLE with math. I BARELY passed intermediate algebra in college. I mean, skin of my teeth. I honestly think my professor pitied me, haha.

And finally, my most wanted goal. I want my dog. I want my great dane. I refuse to get him until I can afford it, because danes are one of the most expensive dogs to own. I will only offer him the best. From working in animal rescue, I know what happens when you don't take precautions. I can't get my baby (I strongly dislike kids. My dog will be my child.) til I find financial stability.

I am sorry for the long-ass post, but I need help. I need advice.

Thank you in advance.

Dear shesnotalright:

I enjoyed reading your post. I also have a bachelor and didn't use it really. I was a substitute teacher which in reality meant that I was daily abused. And paid for it. At least I was paid for being abused, I thought then. Now, I'd rather not be abused, pay or not pay.

So many, is it millions of people?.. Many do not use their degree. And those who do, most of their studies does not come into use. Often a degree is required for this or that job but the content is not important.

But often a degree is not used at all. For many.

atina

I have no education or occupation thanks to my mental health. Why do you want a dog? I recently got a pembroke welsh corgi, dogs are such hard work but it's a rewarding experience.

I have a b.s degree too. I
Work in kitchens... It's the only place where my behavior is ok for a little bit of time. I've had 25 jobs in the last ten years... Literally. Five in the last year and a half.. And am in the process of finding a new job now because I'm hated by my boss... Hopefully it will get easier.

I play with numbers. Accounting and finance. I'm good at what I do and am constantly reminded of how successful I could be within my company. I get a lot of praise, especially because I'm so young, and they constantly try to push me to get more education so I can climb the ladder and get bigger bucks. I just don't care though and I know I won't do it. I know this is temporary, and like you, I'm not fulfilled.
I wish I could figure out something to do that I'd love, but I don't think it'll ever happen.

I did what I often do and wrote a long reply to this and then lost it. But I'll post something short here so I don't lose track of your thread because I do have quite a few thoughts on your situation. I'll probably come back on later tonight, cause I really feel like you're selling yourself short.

I work in mental health/social work (I know lol), right now I am doing an outreach mental health job part-time. It's good for me because I work independently, which minimizes interpersonal triggers. But am I using my degree? my undergrad degree is social work related but I didn't need it to get the job, I could have gotten it without the education. I have a master's degree, but I only got it a few months ago. I haven't used it yet but I'm going to look into more academically oriented job opportunities.

Administrative Support for the government. I have been here 2.5 years and plan to stay until I go back to school. I escort, off and on.

Administrative Support for the government. I have been here 2.5 years and plan to stay until I go back to school. I escort, off and on.

Escort. The only job I've ever been able to do, can only do it on impulse...

Always struggling with money.

22, unemployed. Working on getting on disability.

Thinking of going to college but feel like it would be a waste of time since I cant commit to anything.