I can't imagine my life without him.

Hi. I'm 20 years old. I have been with this guy for 6 months. I think he's totally done with me. He's given me so many chances and my impulses just get the best of me. It's ripping me apart 'cause I love him so much. During the last month of our relationship, I was really trying to rebuild our broken relationship. But he told me that for him no matter what I would do it was already too late. I was really mean to him when he didn't give me what I wanted. I don't know how I'll get through this. He was all my life. My suicidal thoughts are coming back. I have lost interest in life. I keep holding on the fact that maybe someday that we might find our place in this world someday.... but he told me so many times yesterday that our relationship is broken and there's no hope for us. He doesn't want to stay friends and he suggested me to block him on facebook 'cause he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

What should I do ? I want him back. I can't imagine my life without him.

Hi Ella1729,
Im sorry that your going through this ...(a year ago i was exactly the same)
Your situation echos mine, i got thought it and so will you, you will find the strength hang in there

It will be raw for a little while because, your Bf has said things that you dont want to hear (was same for me) i in my stubborn state told mine .."cool no problem..i'll move out when i can" im glad i did now , but at the time i was just like you are now, and i wouldn't accept it in my mind or my heart for months. i felt that if he just understood me and my moods then all would have been fine ...but in reality sometimes they cant cope with it anymore (i understand that myself now) i have learnt that they are people too, and it wasn't fair for me to prolong the pain we both were going through at the time, i still miss him but i dont miss the toxic situations we were living with.

If you have asked for another chance, then he knows its not over for you so giving him time to calm down, and maybe he will give it a chance but if he doesnt, you must respect his wishes (i learnt this to) and give him space (when the glass is full) its up to them to empty it and decide if they are ready for round 10 or not.

Allow him to gather his thoughts ...and wait and see

I know its hard ...but be safe

Echinacea wrote:Hi Ella1729,
Im sorry that your going through this ...(a year ago i was exactly the same)
Your situation echos mine, i got thought it and so will you, you will find the strength hang in there

It will be raw for a little while because, your Bf has said things that you dont want to hear (was same for me) i in my stubborn state told mine .."cool no problem..i'll move out when i can" im glad i did now , but at the time i was just like you are now, and i wouldn't accept it in my mind or my heart for months. i felt that if he just understood me and my moods then all would have been fine ...but in reality sometimes they cant cope with it anymore (i understand that myself now) i have learnt that they are people too, and it wasn't fair for me to prolong the pain we both were going through at the time, i still miss him but i dont miss the toxic situations we were living with.

If you have asked for another chance, then he knows its not over for you so giving him time to calm down, and maybe he will give it a chance but if he doesnt, you must respect his wishes (i learnt this to) and give him space (when the glass is full) its up to them to empty it and decide if they are ready for round 10 or not.

Allow him to gather his thoughts ...and wait and see

I know its hard ...but be safe

Do you think it would be a great idea to block him on my phone and my facebook? I don't want to do it 'cause it means I would break ties with him.... But when I see him online on facebook, I keep sending him messages about ''Why did you do that?'' ''I love you so much''

I've been in a very similar position before, only recently managed to come out of it. Have you tried to see things from another perspective? which actions/behaviours drove him away? have you talked to him openly about this and asked him what has caused the upset? these questions must be asked. For me, it was my abandonment fear and mood swings, along with how I made him feel as though the relationship was one sided and that I didn't truly care. I realised how much this was affecting the two of us after we broke up, so I started seeing things in a more true light. showing understanding fixed our broken relationship and we remain good friends. feelings are still there (on my end) unfortunately, but it's something I'll eventually have to grow and move on from.

In time you will look back at this and question why you were even upset in the first place. this won't happen overnight, you need time to fix things between the two of you, there's a chance.

He's either gonna have to stop being so stubborn and help you heal and realise where you're going 'wrong' in these interpersonal relationships, or you should leave it in the past.

Sounds harsh, I know. it's easier said than done... I know. but if something isn't meant to be, then there's not much you can do other than accept it and move forwards.

Ella1729 wrote:Do you think it would be a great idea to block him on my phone and my facebook? I don't want to do it 'cause it means I would break ties with him.... But when I see him online on facebook, I keep sending him messages about ''Why did you do that?'' ''I love you so much''

I wouldnt block him ...after all its not you that wants no contact
so ...leave it open ...for if/when he calms down.

Refrain from begging ...its not what he needs to hear, and you must hold your dignity, (i say it because i did this for months too) skyped him all the time ..sat watching his skype go from away to available (green meant he was at his PC) and yellow hes at work, green for 10 mins meant he was on the phone ...see "been there done that"

try not to send the msges ..only reply to his if he sends any
he knows you love him ...now its his choice

i hope i worded this right ..i try to enlighten you to how if was for me ..i cant say that it will be exactly the same ..but dont block him "yet"

My ex blocked me for a month when i was crossing my boundaries, and then unblocked me after.

Hi there,

It makes sense that you feel your life would be very different, almost unbearable, without him, since you two had a close relationship. It's understandable that you're going through a lot of pain right now. It's also understandable that he may feel the relationship cannot recover because of your mood swings.

The first thing I can recommend is getting some DBT skills. They can help you ask for what you want and/or need without becoming verbally aggressive doing so. They can also help you to regulate your emotions, so that you don't have to feel that suicide is the only way out of your predicament, because trust me, it's not. You're a human being full of potential and gifts. Please, don't let that go to waste!

As for getting him back? The most you could do is tell him you will get help, see a therapist or something, so that you can better regulate your emotions and mean it. Maybe couple's counselling too.

So you have some trouble regulating your emotions and being assertive in a healthy way. That does not make you a bad person. We all have our flaws and difficulties in certain areas. I cannot state this enough!

But, you can learn these skills and live a healthy, fulfilling life. In the words of Linehan, "a life worth living".

If he still says no, you will still have your skills to deal with the grief you're going through via distress tolerance.

I wish you the best. Breakups are hard.

He knows that i'm seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. But he told me that he would not be the one receiving the benefits out of it. He doesn't think he can get over the way I acted with him (he told me i treated him like crap -__-). He wants no contact with me and it breaks my heart.

Ella1729 wrote:He knows that i'm seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. But he told me that he would not be the one receiving the benefits out of it. He doesn't think he can get over the way I acted with him (he told me i treated him like crap -__-). He wants no contact with me and it breaks my heart.

I can verify that sometimes no contact is for him to "get his thoughts together" i know it doesn't help you understand right now, but give him time to process his own thoughts and you work on what you have to do with the tools that NimplyDinply advised you about with DBT skills, DBT is a wonderful tool to learn and helps more than you can imagine right now.

My ex went no contact for 3 weeks , then he started wanting to check how i was doing, if i needed anything etc..i know he made a big mistake with his decision he made (but did me a favor in the long run, i see that now)

You will get through this

No contact can definitely signify the desire to feel free, not with malicious intent, but much rather in that no contact = time to think. sometimes that's all someone will need, thinking time, space to breathe... and you have to accept that, because as humans beings, we have every right to make our own decisions that best fit us and current situations. unfortunately, having BPD can make it hard to digest stuff like this, but from personal experience? it has helped more than I ever expected.

DBT skills are convenient, very modifying and informative.

I haven't contacted him today. It was really difficult and it hurts me so bad. But while reading my old diary, it reminded me that my ex from high school went NC with me after he broke up with me. And it probably the best thing that he has ever done to me 'cause it allowed me to move on.

I'm disappointed that 2 years later, it seems that I haven't learned from that relationship. I'm now 20 yrs old, I should be stronger.

About DBT, do you think that DBT skills training group is a useful tool? I'm having individual therapy with a psychologist. I'm gonna ask him about learning DBT skills tomorrow (We only had 2 meetings and he told me that he wanted to get to know me before starting a ''real therapy'').