Questions about BPD *TW*

Hi everyone! I'm new here

I'm a 23y old male, and learned a few weeks ago that I have BPD.
I believe I can control myself a lot better than when I was younger, at least for the "socially acceptable part". I still don't understand, for example, why it is wrong to self harm/decide to call it a life


Anyways, I have a few questions that I can't find answers to on the internet:

- Do borderlines have bad memory? I do, but maybe it's because I smoke a lot of weed on and off.
I remember it wasn't like this before I turned 12; I had an excellent memory.

- It bothers me immensely to have this. Doesn't it bother you? I can look on the bright side and all, but still I have BPD, and it ****ing sucks.

- I don't get angry like most BPD do (from what I've been reading). I attack myself often though.

- Why does substance abuse make sense for me? I know it destroys me but I still do it.

- I will stop therapy. I am against meds, having been on them before and detesting them with all my heart. Is this attitude wrong?

- Do you feel more intelligent than other people? I do, and performed really well in university even though I studied during short intervals only.

- I never lie. I often say stuff to help others even if it sounds weird or if they don't care. Do you?

- I just graduated. Double degree in Mech engineering and Computer Science. Any cool job recommendations? No clue of what it is I like, and I'm sure I'll hate it 1 year later at most.

- Finally: Can you recommend good books to learn more about BPD? I'm looking for a magical book that will make it go away



Sorry for the long post. Basically I'm trying to understand myself and BPD.

I think I'm doing well in life, I'm starting to accept who I am and doing efforts to keep my year long relationship going well
Paying close attention not to hurt her since I really do love her for who she is and how good she is to me.


Good luck everyone ! And thanks for your time

rayh15 wrote:Hi everyone! I'm new here

I'm a 23y old male, and learned a few weeks ago that I have BPD.
I believe I can control myself a lot better than when I was younger, at least for the "socially acceptable part". I still don't understand, for example, why it is wrong to self harm/decide to call it a life


Anyways, I have a few questions that I can't find answers to on the internet:

- Do borderlines have bad memory? I do, but maybe it's because I smoke a lot of weed on and off.
I remember it wasn't like this before I turned 12; I had an excellent memory.

- It bothers me immensely to have this. Doesn't it bother you? I can look on the bright side and all, but still I have BPD, and it ****ing sucks.

- I don't get angry like most BPD do (from what I've been reading). I attack myself often though.

- Why does substance abuse make sense for me? I know it destroys me but I still do it.

- I will stop therapy. I am against meds, having been on them before and detesting them with all my heart. Is this attitude wrong?

- Do you feel more intelligent than other people? I do, and performed really well in university even though I studied during short intervals only.

- I never lie. I often say stuff to help others even if it sounds weird or if they don't care. Do you?

- I just graduated. Double degree in Mech engineering and Computer Science. Any cool job recommendations? No clue of what it is I like, and I'm sure I'll hate it 1 year later at most.

- Finally: Can you recommend good books to learn more about BPD? I'm looking for a magical book that will make it go away



Sorry for the long post. Basically I'm trying to understand myself and BPD.

I think I'm doing well in life, I'm starting to accept who I am and doing efforts to keep my year long relationship going well
Paying close attention not to hurt her since I really do love her for who she is and how good she is to me.


Good luck everyone ! And thanks for your time

1) Yes, many do, but it's non-specific.

2) You don't necessarily have to have overt anger to have BPD

3) Are you using substances to regulate your emotions? Substance abuse is extremely common in BPD. In fact, it's the most common comorbid axis 1 disorder.

4) No one can tell you whether taking meds is wrong or right. That's entirely up to you. If you're uncomfortable, talk to your psych.

5) Many pwBPD are very intelligent. Grats on graduating, btw.

6) I would recommend the DBT book. It's green. Forget the exact title. Should help you a bit.

Welcome to the forum, btw.

rayh15 wrote:Hi everyone! I'm new here

Hi and welcome

rayh15 wrote:- Do borderlines have bad memory? I do, but maybe it's because I smoke a lot of weed on and off. I remember it wasn't like this before I turned 12; I had an excellent memory.

Yes i have a bad memory, but now ive learnt a few things through DBT and self reflection, it seems to be coming back slowly ..i can notice it

rayh15 wrote:- It bothers me immensely to have this. Doesn't it bother you? I can look on the bright side and all, but still I have BPD, and it ****ing sucks.

I have learnt to fix what i want to fix, so it doesn't bother me as much as it did tbh

rayh15 wrote:- I don't get angry like most BPD do (from what I've been reading). I attack myself often though.

I did both

rayh15 wrote:- I will stop therapy. I am against meds, having been on them before and detesting them with all my heart. Is this attitude wrong?

Inner strength i believe is a good thing, though speak with your doctor and therapist about this.

rayh15 wrote:- Do you feel more intelligent than other people? I do, and performed really well in university even though I studied during short intervals only.

Don't actually think about it, i am ME and i have nothing to prove,
yes im good at a lot of things and people tell me im great, i just feel appreciation that's all

rayh15 wrote:- I never lie. I often say stuff to help others even if it sounds weird or if they don't care. Do you?

I Dont lie either, and yes i do this to

rayh15 wrote:- I just graduated

Congratulations

rayh15 wrote:- Finally: Can you recommend good books to learn more about BPD? I'm looking for a magical book that will make it go away

I stay away from books cant get in to them, im more of a physical learner

rayh15 wrote:Sorry for the long post. Basically I'm trying to understand myself and BPD.

This isnt long
And even if it was, that isnt a problem here

rayh15 wrote:I think I'm doing well in life, I'm starting to accept who I am and doing efforts to keep my year long relationship going well
Paying close attention not to hurt her since I really do love her for who she is and how good she is to me.

Knowledge is the start of healing


Good luck everyone ! And thanks for your time [/quote]

@NimplyDinply @Echinacea

Thanks for your replies and the kind words !

Won't write more at the moment since I'm not my 'normal' self (aka. who I think I should be).


See you around, ..maybe