Almost 15, living with BPD

My name is Veronica. I'm 14, I'll be 15 in May. I was diagnosed with BPD last October. I HATE IT! I've been in the hospital 4 times since my first time, last September. I've tried committing suicide many times. I'm falling so behind in school from being in the hospital that I have to take all of my classes online now. I split all the time. I currently hate my mom...I don't remember the last time I loved her. Probably when I was 13. I used to have seperation anxiety from her because I was sexually abused when I was 6 until I was 8 and I hated when she left because I knew what would happen. I would frantically watch the clock until she got home hoping that nothing would happen. Unfortunately those wishes never came true. Everything seems to go wrong in my life. I used to be one of the most popular kids in school. I used to sit at a different table every day at lunch because everyone wanted me to sit with them. Ever since people found out that I went to the hospital they don't want to talk to me. They all call me crazy and harrass me. They would run from me whenever they seen me in the halls. I can't even go to school anymore without having to be sent home because I'm crying hysterically and wanting to kill myself. I hate the way I look, I'm always in a love/hate situation with people, and the hospital has become my home away from home. I just don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone think there's a chance that I will outgrow my BPD because I heard of patients who outgrow it.

hey youngnhopeless,

hate ta tell ya (for me at least), but, i've been stuck with it all my life. i'm 30 now. all i can say is everyone is different. what works for you, is not garunteed to work for me. and some people 'recovered' from it, some havn't, some started young, others old. i can't speak for everyone, only myself.

i know how it feels to be all of a sudden viewed as a freak in school. i also have the problem of seizures. when it first happened at school, teachers went paranoid around me. once upon a time i was able to put my head down and rest on mydesk. nope, then i started getting chewed out for that. teachers turned cold on me. and as for class mates? school mates? people i never had class with? or knew? started teasing me, accusing me of faking it, displaying a dramatized death scene. and i was a freak as well. it never went away when i went to college, then graduated, and worked at how many different jobs. different age and location/surroundings....same exact reaction. i'm a freak. freak of nature. someone to be displayed at the circus freak show for people to go 'ooooo' and 'aaaaaa' over, and freak out thinking they're in danger.

and yeah, i got a 'mom' problem too. mine is a mega-control freak. so i was kept on a damn short tight leash as a kid. affected me seriously big time 'growing up'. and now she STILL wants to keep me on a leash, and we don't quite get along anymore. i know some people would say i'm just going through the 'rebellion' stage a little late (seeing as how i'm not a teenager anymore).

so i dunno what else to tell ya hun. i've had $#!+ for luck my entire life, and NOTHINGS worked for me. i can't give real advice cause, the advice that was given to me, i tried, and didn't do diddly squat but made things worse in more than one way...

You're very young to be diagnosed with BPD. The human personality isn't fully formed until at least 18, and often not until teh early 20s. During adolescence an awful lot of people fit the borderline profile - but they are just forming the personality and it's part of a normal process. This is why there are indeed large numbers of teens diagnosed with BPD who 'outgrow' it - mainly because they did not have BPD in the first place, but were just having a really hard time growing up.

In truth, a diagnosis of BPD should only be made once a person has reached adulthood, the personality is fully formed, and symptoms still exist that interfere with their lives.

People who have suffered abuse or neglect as children or teens have a lot more than just normal adolescence to cope with. So the pseud-BPD symptoms become more of an issue, can make life unbearable and screw you up big time. But... that still doesn't mean you have BPD - it means you need help to come to terms with what's happened to you, to find strength to deal with it, and move on. It's nowhere near as simple as it sounds... but that's the basic message. As you come to terms with what must have been a terrible time (((hugs))) you'll probably find things do improve - and as you grow up and the personality is formed, the BPD type symptoms will lessen too.

But abuse causes real problems in the formation of personality. It weakens certain important traits (self-belief, self-esteem, trust, etc) and strengthens others (suspicion, guilt and so on). That's why it's really important to address those issues now.

To give you some hope... I was abused as a child. I grew up with a mother who was rarely there (in hospital a lot) and was diagnosed with BPD at 16. I'm in my thirties now. I don't have BPD. In fact, I never did; I was just a desperately unhappy teen who couldn't come to terms with what had happened to me. Once I started to, then I straightened out a lot. My life became more stable. I have stable relationships with my husband and my friends. I show no real Borderline traits at all... because the traits I did show were not indicative of being Borderline, but simply someone going through adolescence with a lot of $#%^ to work through.

Hang in there, and don't give up. Getting through this has to come from you; nobody else can do it. But you don't have to do it alone. And no... you may well not be stuck with a BPD diagnosis for your whole life. It is desperately unfair that you've been stuck with it now. There are far too many psychiatrists out there who don't have enough understanding of how personality develops, and how much damage they do by labelling people.

Good luck hun, and stay strong.

Young AND hopeless. Hell of a combination.

Daniel

Wow, Daniel. It's such supportive and informative posts as yours that restore my faith in humankind.

Get a life. If you have nothing to say, don't say anything.

Don't fuel daniel please, the best thing to do is ignore if you don't like the way that he posts.

If an argument starts I will close this thread like I threatened to do with the other one.

Hi,
Being aware of yourself always and everywhere, will help you in the long run. I know you are young, and you may or maynot have bpd. I can relate to what you are saying, and if you do have it, you can learn about it and make a happy life for yourself too.

It takes knowledge about bpd, alot of will (which you seem strong)
alot of hard work on emotional control, plus you need self-love.
Toss in a lot of self-control. I am not saying all will become this perfect life to live free and easy, but the earlier you do know about these traits and habits are, gives you longer to work on it.

BPD is not a death sentence.....You can be high functioning and still have issues.

It is a bear but it can be tamed. All in JMHO.
Good luck,
smalltalkred

Sadgurl, I will. Sorry. It just bugs me when vulnerable people are exposed to comments like that.

Don't know Daniel to be honest, and I don't know what the other thread is.

But I do want YoungAndHopeless to know there are people who understand, and who will support her... and that her nightmare is not neccessarily endless.

(((hugs)))

Isme,

Wow, it is a mature good hearted person to say they are sorry.
Sometimes we don't know how others will take things that are typed, I too have fallen in to that pothole.

Sadgurl,
You are a great mod... just like you should be.

peace.

Daniel wrote:Young AND hopeless. Hell of a combination.

Daniel

F*ck you. I'm not gonna take shiit like that from someone I don't even know and that doesn't know me AT ALL. I'm just not even gonna come on here anymore. Everywhere I go there's always someone judging me and it's sad I can't even go online and have peace and understanding.