######6 libido + ex (rant)

A familiar story, I'm sure. A week ago I went NC with my ex (ASPD/NPD). We'd gotten back together after he reached out to me about 2 months ago; we were NC for over 2 months prior to that. I've always been the one to initiate break ups and NC. Anyway.

I'm missing the sex and it's all I can think about. The bdsm elements and the absolute high from it. I was OK last break up because I was majorly depressed and my libido was nonexistent.

I keep having to catch myself because my brain is trying to figure out ways to keep a sexual relationship with him going minus the rest (his bs and abuse, rollercoaster emotions). I keep anticipating some sign of communication from him or running into him. I hate feeling like a ######6 hypocrite and weak. I was the one who wanted an end; never him!!

I've been surfing Craigslist personal ads and Fetlife fantasizing about making something happen with someone else. Thing is, I'm not a promiscuous person. I've always fantasized about being such, but in the end I'm the reluctant slut.

Masturbation...ugh. Burning through my aaa batteries to my vibrator but ###$ it, it's frustrating, EMPTY and LONELY.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I have periods where my libido acts exactly like you said and everything (now being one of them), so I relate.

... I don't have much more I can say. sorry.

nicotine wrote:I'm the reluctant slut.

lol I love this term.

I've gone through periods where I am super sexually frustrated and thinking about lowering my standards. But in the end it's not worth it and the horniness does pass, even if it takes a few weeks or maybe longer.

Based on that, and the fact that you don't really want to be with your ex for much else...I'd burn that vibrator right out lol. I know that it's depressing as hell, I feel really lonely when all I'm doing is jerking off all day and don't have someone there (and yes, sometimes these times involve post-orgasm crying which is embarrassing but w/e it's true), but the way I see it it's better than being with someone who I don't want to have in my life.

Been there, done that.

I dated a man who could keep up with me sexually, but he could never just keep it sexual. He always wanted more control of me mentally and that won't happen.

He too, had ASPD.

nicotine wrote:Masturbation...ugh. Burning through my aaa batteries to my vibrator but ###$ it, it's frustrating, EMPTY and LONELY.

I don't know what to do with myself.

Hi nicotine
I highlighted this part really because, i used to have the same problem until i bought a battery charger and extra rechargeable batteries that way you can always have a set ready charged.

As for the other parts in your post i cant really comment as my Ex was C-Narc and we had very little sexual contact. so cant help there sorry

Thanks everyone. My libido has taken a time out...Ex called me a few times yesterday but couldn't get thru. I have his number and voicemails blocked. Honestly it relieved me and put me in a better mood, which I feel guilty about. I don't know if I was ever truly in love with him, but I do care about him.

I'm anticipating and anxious over his next move. He admitted to me that in the past during a break up, he's gone into my car and has called my job to keep tabs on me. Confessed to wanting to put a tracker on my car and in my phone. Last breakup he called me a few times from a new number and hung up when I answered. He wanted to see if my number was the same.

witchessabbath wrote:

nicotine wrote:I'm the reluctant slut.

lol I love this term.

Yeah I've been considered a tease at times, but people don't know it's hella frustrating for me as well!!!

Echinacea wrote:Hi nicotine
I highlighted this part really because, i used to have the same problem until i bought a battery charger and extra rechargeable batteries that way you can always have a set ready charged.

Tis a good idea. I have a battery charger but found out it's only for AA. I plan on getting a new toy anyway. My mini vibe was getting painful and giving me cramps during orgasm

I masturbate frequently, in fact I paused during the composition of this post to rub one out (I didn't, but I thought about it!).

It never is (nor should it be) a substitute for sex though.

How I miss the intimacy...

nicotine wrote:Tis a good idea. I have a battery charger but found out it's only for AA. I plan on getting a new toy anyway. My mini vibe was getting painful and giving me cramps during orgasm

new toy new batteries and vol la your all set

@JM your right, its not a substitute for sex/intimacy but hell it definitely helps

Journeyman15 wrote:Rubbed one off

@JM that made me giggle haha

Journeyman15 wrote:I masturbate frequently, in fact I paused during the composition of this post to rub one out (I didn't, but I thought about it!).

It never is (nor should it be) a substitute for sex though.

How I miss the intimacy...

Hey, I've seen you around lol If you'd like to cyber sometime, I may be inclined (do people still "cyber"???) hahaa Takes me back a decade or so

Echinacea wrote:new toy new batteries and vol la your all set

Yeaah! I'm looking forward to shopping around! I'd have a chest full of stuff if I could afford it! Most of my toys have been found around the house/makeshift hehe

nicotine wrote:

Journeyman15 wrote:I masturbate frequently, in fact I paused during the composition of this post to rub one out (I didn't, but I thought about it!).

It never is (nor should it be) a substitute for sex though.

How I miss the intimacy...

Hey, I've seen you around lol If you'd like to cyber sometime, I may be inclined (do people still "cyber"???) hahaa Takes me back a decade or so

Echinacea wrote:new toy new batteries and vol la your all set

Yeaah! I'm looking forward to shopping around! I'd have a chest full of stuff if I could afford it! Most of my toys have been found around the house/makeshift hehe

Hi nicotine

If folk do 'cyber' they're not British!

Seriously though, your post made me smile.

I thank you.