Non needing advice

StevieGirl wrote:You sound like a really, really, good guy. It also sounds like you want the best for her. As someone with BPD, I can safely say that it isn't easy for her to express her emotions to you, either in a rational way or at all. I was attracted emotionally to awful guys for a long time, and had plenty of opportunities to have a great relationship with a great person but stayed with the awful ones. I think it's important she knows she can come to you with thoughts and feelings, and that you don't think any differently of her because she has a diagnosis.

My boyfriend always says he thinks that having borderline is worse than cancer. He says it because he feels like people with cancer always get support for their sickness, they get gofundme accounts to raise money for their illness and to help with the costs, they get attention and copious amounts of love but people who suffer from mental illnesses get stigma. There is hardly any love, attention, support. So maybe just show or tell her that's what you want to give to her. Love, attention, and support. This is a serious disorder and if you're going to be there for her you have to be in it for the long haul. It sounds like you are, just keep your head up and keep trying.

Thanks for the kind words.

Yes I am happy to continue to try, my "ex" has a history of bad decision making too with regards to friends as well as partners, she tend to idealize a lot of poor quality characters but she figures them out after a while and cuts them off, but it's bad to watch sometimes, she might make a new friend who thinks that the best way to help her out of depression is to give her drugs and take her to a bar for example, then leave her alone, drugged in the middle of town.... this kind of thing is sad to see!

I do definatley try to give her as much love and support as possible, it can be hard though because sometimes she might not seem interested say, and then we don't speak for a few days and then she gets upset that i didn't reach out to her and will say that I don't care. But other times i'll reach out and she will be just annoyed or short.

I dunno it's a tough one, like I say at the moment my plan is to continue working on myself, I feel i have gotten a lot stronger in a short space of time and I think that not only benefits me but if we get back together will help her too.

I do have ungodly endurance for hardship and struggle, and that's a difference maker I feel for borderline relationships, just have to measure it with maintaining a healthy respect, I am strong and persistent, but i'm not a doormat.